paramour

chapter 24

We walked along an alley, looking for invisible werewolves, basically as far apart as the wet grimy walls would allow us. I didn't know why I hadn't asked myself why we were still on the same shift still. We'd been apart what seemed like years to me. It probably didn't even matter to him. I'd hurt him.

I looked at him confusedly, frowning at him. His eyes smouldered with repressed emotion –that looked like it might have been sadness.

"What's wrong, Damian?" He shook his head slightly.

"I can sense something coming. It's not a big deal," I looked away, trying not to let everything bother me too much.

What had gone wrong? What had I done? Though I knew it wasn't really my fault, I still felt it was my fault.

I was numb again –I only vaguely felt like ripping Chris's throat out for doing this to us.

I knew I shouldn't have let him take me out of that numb state I had been in, in the very beginning. I had been tempted, dragged out, and now I was stuck between numbness and awareness was again. He didn't love me anymore. It was my entire fault anyway for letting Chris get too close to me. Life had been worth living when I had been with him. But now... I just didn't know anymore. Emotions suck.

"You don't need to worry so much –I can take care of it." I don't know what possessed me to say that, but I immediately regretted it. I shouldn't say another word to him.

"I really hope so..."

"What?"

"Nothing."

I slapped myself mentally. I had to let the numbness incapacitate me again. It was the only way I was going to survive the rest of my stupid, moronic, too long, eternal life.

Suddenly a shiver ran down my spine, and my eyes flashed to everything ahead of us. I sensed something.

My first reaction was to reach for his arm, but I managed to stop myself before I could. It would appear that may arm only twitched. It agonized me that I couldn't hear his thoughts anymore, not just because I was still selfishly in love with him, but because I wanted to know if he had noticed my reaction and what he had thought of it.

The emotion that followed that was almost crippling. But my face remained indifferent. As always. I would show no one my pain again. It wasn't anyone else's problem. Damian should've listened to that in the beginning. It would have saved us the heartbreak. Or maybe just save me the heartbreak.

I really had to ask myself if he ever really loved me. Was it only because he was a gentleman, and he wanted to make a broken soul feel better? I could see him doing that. But would he have carried it out as long as he had?

My second reaction was that I started sniffing the air discreetly. And the emotion –or rather, the instinct– was I wanted to kill. I wanted to rip the something that smelt so bad apart into tiny little shreds. A werewolf. We learned this in class. This was the feeling that you should get. Werewolves were approaching us. Not just one – there were eight, plus someone or something much smaller. It sounded like a person's steps.

You could hear them padding their way across the pavement now.

It seemed I couldn't contain myself, couldn't keep myself from wanting to kill them.

All of a sudden I was in stalking mode. I heard the footsteps get closer. And something appeared in the darkness. Glowing red eyes.

Massive déjà vu swept over me, but my instincts took control of me. I knew in the back of my mind, this was exactly like my dream. I would just pray to god that this wouldn't turn out like my dream. True, I was broken when Damian and I weren't together –when he told me he didn't love me. But if he was dead... I would die too.