paramour

chapter 9

As we neared the car, I could hear the song Damian and I had danced to ending. And I wasn't sure if I should be relieved or disappointed, because on one hand I had been very embarrassed about how close we had been when we were dancing, but on the other hand, I enjoyed it. I actually enjoyed that dance with Damian. And probably only because he was there, and didn't let me trip over my own feet. So it was 50/50. I didn't like it, but I did. What a messed up night. What a few messed up months, to be exact.

And that wasn't the only reason why it had been messed up. I still couldn't understand why all those boys came up to me. Weren't they afraid of me? Most boys at school were both fearless and made my life worse by tripping and or embarrassing me, or they were afraid and avoided me like the plague, shrinking up against the wall whenever I passed them in the halls. These boys only seemed nervous, and not like the nervousness I saw in the other boys who were frightened of me. What were these boys' problems? Was it just pity, or a game? If it was pity, I wanted to go back and rip those guys' throats out. And if it was game... well boys will be boys. And I would still rip their throats out.

Then there was how strange Damian was being. Apologizing all the time. I had already made up my mind that I was going to confront him. And already knew the consequences of how awkward that would be for me. After my reaction dancing with him...? I didn't know how I would be able to even look at him again. It was beyond embarrassment, and I didn't know for sure if my face had gone red, but it certainly felt like it for real... and he had seen it too. I would still know, and that's all that mattered anyway. And how and why was Damian at the dance in the first place?

I didn't believe his excuse about Chris and how Chris 'had no one else to go with'. Why hadn't I seen Damian with Chris then? I hadn't even seen Chris... and they were a definite standout in a crowd.

Anyway, Chris seemed like the kind of guy who could find someone to go with no matter what. He was the sort of guy who could get anyone he wanted to get. Chris was the life of the party; that's how he came off on me, anyway. So there was no way he wouldn't be there without someone. Besides, Damian wouldn't let his brother drag him to something like a dance no matter what the circumstances were. Damian was like me; wanted to be alone, didn't want to be anywhere public, stuffy, and crowded. As if Chris didn't have another friend or family member that would or could go with him. This was also hard to believe. Why would these two be living here alone, without any parents? There was still a lot about Damian I didn't know, and his family was one thing I still didn't know about.

But what really topped off tonight was how nice my mom was being to me. I don't remember one minute in my life where she was ever like this to me. I was just beginning to question this further, and was thinking about how I should've thought about this more earlier. How could I have accepted how nice my mom was before? That kind of treatment from her was very foreign. Maybe it was because she wanted me to be nice to her co-workers at the dance who wanted to meet me so badly. If I had found that out earlier, and that was the reason, then I would've made a big fool out of her in front of her friends. But I didn't sense that was the reason. I still had to find out why.

I looked over at her, trying to find something in her expression that I could use to figure out her change in mood. Somehow, I had ended up in the passenger seat with mom driving. She was staring at the road in great concentration, her hands clamped on the wheel. She was very tense, and seeming like she was preparing for something. Finding nothing I could put to use in her expression, I had to ask her, to talk to her.

"What's wrong, mom?" My voice seemed to break her train of thought, and she looked shocked for a moment. But she quickly regained her composure, and looked over at me, taking her eyes off the dark road ahead to smile.

"Nothing, dear." Her eyes looked very innocent, and willed me to believe her. I narrowed my eyes slightly, not believing her, but not letting her know it. She looked back at the road.

"Okay." I looked out my window again. But mom continued talking.

"So, did you have a good time honey?" I still couldn't comprehend why she was like this. If the act was only for making me behave at the dance, why was she still being so nice to me? It had to be a different reason.

"It was fun," I said cautiously.

"That's good. Where did you disappear to? I couldn't find you. It must have been right in the middle of the dance when you disappeared." I could see the thought that was forming in her head of where I had been, but she was wrong. She probably thought I had been with Damian the whole time because she found me dancing with him just before we left.

"Pretty much the whole time, I sat and watched people dance. Damian found me about ten minutes before we left and asked me to dance. We were in the middle of the dance when you showed up and we had to leave." I was being completely truthful, something not totally common in me when I was talking to my mom.

"Really?" She didn't sound convinced.

"Why were you so red when I found you though? Are you sick?" I don't think I turned as red as I did before, but I definitely turned red. Great. She saw me blush. The most embarrassing moment of my life was witnessed by my mother. Just great. I turned my head and body toward the door so my mom couldn't see me.

"No, I'm not sick." I said in a very strained voice. Apparently, mom noticed. Who wouldn't?

"Then what's wrong?" She said in a voice that sounded like it was ready to laugh. Uh-oh.

"Nothing, nothing." My voice was hurried and evasive. She laughed.

"Is it that boy?" My head whipped around, and I swear it was as red as before because mom broke out laughing.

"It is! Oh my, Marie has fallen for..." She didn't get to finish her sentence, because my facial expression made her stop in her tracks. My face was now snow white, drained of blood. My eyes were wide with shock and panic.

"No! I am not falling for him."

"Don't deny." She said jokingly when she regained her voice that she had lost.

I remained quiet, too embarrassed and petrified to speak. I wasn't falling for Damian... I wasn't...

And as we drove farther and farther, and I stared out into the pitch-blackness, I finally realized something I had been missing the whole time we had been driving. We were heading in the wrong direction, a totally different direction from the way of our house. I looked back at mom. Her face had taken a dramatic change; it was now probably as white as mine and very serious. It made me shrink inside; made me feel like a tiny scared child. I now knew where I had inherited my glares.

I could feel my eyes pop open wide with confusion and fright. What was she doing? When she saw my face her expression changed slightly so she didn't look quite as scary as before. Now there was a touch of sadness and guilt, but then there was blazing determinedness, then there was joy, and then hatred. Her face was now a myriad of emotions I could not understand. What was going on inside her head? Somehow I knew she was not the same person she had been only a few hours ago. She was her normal, loathing self.

Mom kept her eyes on the road as she began to speak. Somehow without my noticing she had slipped her hand in between the seat and was now gripping something very hard. Something was now very wrong. I could sense it. Fear started to course through my body, my veins, like acid. I think I started to hyperventilate, because I was getting dizzy.

"Marie," she began with a sigh, "I'm sorry and not really sorry about this. Like I've told you many times before, you were a mistake. Perhaps your father and I could have had a happy life together if it wasn't for you. But I don't know anymore. He was so fond of you, and I was, and still am, not. I'm only glad I can correct my mistake now." If it was possible, I felt my eyes go wider. My fear was even stronger, and it felt like I was going to scream. But I didn't. What was happening? What would she do? What was she doing?

Suddenly, mom drew a huge butcher knife out from between the console and the seat. That was the thing that she had been gripping –and still was. But I only had ten seconds to look at the grizzly blade before she swung it at me, aiming for my stomach first.

Then it hit, slicing me open and plunging in, deep. Since I was so thin, and the blade was so long, I think it cut almost all the way through me. I stared at it open-mouthed, watching the blood drip and turn my dress a darker shade red. I touched the knife handle lightly with my hand and then pulled back, staring at my own blood. There was no way I would be able to pull the knife out by myself.

But I didn't have to. My mother pulled it back out, and I grimaced in pain as I felt the cold stainless steel blade running against my tender flesh and insides. I thought she was going to stop, but I was wrong.

This time she aimed for my chest, making sure that I was really going to die. The bloody knife was only a blur in the air before it hit me again, going in as deep as before. Except in my chest, where I was sure to die. It was only a few centimeters away from the base of my throat, and a lot more blood poured out of this wound, streaming down my chest like a slow waterfall. I felt the metal inside me, touching my insides, and I finally felt something. Tremendous pain. Though I was unable to cry out, I still felt it, and it was definitely the worst and last beating my mom had or would ever give me. At least I would never have to be hurt again.

I felt what was left of my blood drain out of my face, and I stared at the blade that was sunk in my chest to the handle, so it could go no farther. Everything seemed like it was in slow motion now. I barely felt or noticed anything besides the knife in my chest, how much blood was coming out of me, and the searing pain I felt everywhere, not just my knife wounds. I tried to touch it again, but pulled back because the pain rippled through me even harder. I couldn't find it in me to cry as I stared at my now blood-soaked hands.

How could my mother have done this? This was bad, even for her.

Cynthia stopped the car. She leaned over and opened the door, meanwhile unbuckling my seat belt. Then she roughly pushed me out onto the side of the gravelly highway.

I landed on my side, the knife pressing into the road, putting pressure on my chest. But I felt almost numb now, so it didn't matter.

"Good-bye, Marie. Forever." She was leaned onto the passenger seat as she said it, staring at me. I gazed back with a blank face. There was no way I would let her see my pain, even in the end.

She then proceeded to close the door, and turn the car around in the opposite direction, away from my broken and bleeding body. As she got farther and farther away, it became darker and darker.

I dropped my head to the ground, waiting for the end to come and take me. Staring at the loose and wet gravel I was lying on, and dying on, I began thinking. Blood was starting to turn the gray and black gravel red.

I understood that my blood was quickly leaving my body. I could feel it. It was one of the only things I could feel besides nothingness and pain. It was freezing, wet, and pitch black. And all I wanted was to die. At least I wasn't the one who had caused this, and committed suicide. This was just a bit nobler of a way to die.

My thoughts flitted to one irrelevant thing after another. Nobody was coming to get me, to find me. It was good that I had already given up, so I didn't have another hope that would end up in disappointment when I died. What would happen when I died, anyway? I'd never thought about that.

Enough, I had to tell myself as I laid my head on the ground. I didn't want to think anymore.

Just wait.

I estimated I had about one to two minutes left. The less time I had the better.

Now I felt like I was slowly receding into myself. Crawling back into a dark corner in my mind where I felt nothing, no more pain. I just watched my last moments on Earth. Everything was shutting down; I felt my heart slowing and my breathing turning shallow. I was barely able to think anymore.

But then I felt familiar hands turning my body upwards... cold hands.

I hardly found the power to do anything anymore but I did recognize him. Damian. I didn't have enough brainpower to ask myself questions.

His expressions surprisingly registered in my mind. It was a mix of pain, but of deep conviction.

Damian crouched over me, almost sitting on me, doing something that I could barely keep up with. With one hand, he brought a syringe out of his jacket pocket.

With the other hand he pulled the knife out of my chest. I was well beyond feeling the pain of that. I saw if it were possible, more blood pour out of the wound. Whatever he was doing, he was doing it quickly, so quickly that his hands were blurs. Or was that just my mind, playing tricks on me? I didn't know, and didn't care.

What was he doing anyway? There was no way to save me. There probably wasn't enough blood in my body to keep my heart running anymore. I almost certainly wouldn't even last one more minute.

Consciousness was slipping away from me, and I fought to keep my eyelids open. Black spots covered most of my vision. The only thing that was almost clear was Damian, but he was mostly blurry, too.

His face was strained now, but he tried to stop the bleeding by putting one of his marble cold hands over my chest wound. It only worked a little, but it was too late. There was nothing he could do. Just give up, it will make it easier for you and I, was my last thought. I watched uncomprehendingly the last thirty seconds of my life.

With the needle in his right hand, he poked it in on the arm he was using to stop blood from coming out of me. He drew a pearly coloured liquid. It shone almost silver in the moonlight. Could that be blood? Pearly coloured blood?

He brought the needle up to an artery in my neck. But just before he pricked my skin with it, he leaned down and brought his lips up to my ear to whisper quickly. Damian's voice was strained and quiet, almost too low to hear. His words came out melded together.

"I'm sorry for this but it is your destiny and my duty. I'll see you when it's over." The last part I barely made out from the other parts. Although my thoughts were rendered simplistic and there were barely any to begin with, they began to yet again, panic. What was he talking about?

I began to slip into oblivion... then I felt the needle go in and the liquid inside it enter my nearly dry veins.

Damian kissed my cheek lightly.

"It'll be over soon," he promised. What...?

And that's when the pain took over. I wasn't aware of the outside world. I had been pulled sharply out of the oblivion I had been slipping peacefully into, and was now trapped in my thoughts, and the pain. Or, rather, I was trapped with pain and memories.

It felt as if I was lit on fire, burned to ashes, and then materialized again so I could be burnt again. On top of that, all of the painful memories since I was born began to play in my head at lightning fast speed... at first. I relived all my worst experiences. Every beating my mother had given me, and all the emotions that followed. Pretty much my whole life flashed before my eyes. It began to slow down when I neared the most recent memories. I found that even that I wanted to scream, I couldn't.

Every wound, every pain filled; hated; agonizing emotion, every hate filled word someone had ever said to me. All remembered and relived. Why was I being tortured before I die? Because I knew I was surely dying... When I had first started being tortured, my heart sped up, went to normal speed, and now it was slowing like when I was dying on the road. Thump-thump. Thump-thump. Thump. Thump.

The last memory was the one where my mother had killed me; stabbed me. I felt the unyielding blade go in again. All the way through me, the cold metal blade cutting and touching my insides. Then there were the emotions. I was not sure whether the emotions or the wounds were worse. Hurt, pain, shock, and hatred. How could my mother have done that to me? I know she hated me, but why would she go to that extreme?

Suddenly, the memory stopped. It was the end. Everything went white, like a giant void. Then the white turned black.

Thump... Thump... Thump... Thu-

My heart stopped.

†

Confused, I lay wherever I was for a few more minutes, my eyes closed. Something really bizarre was going on here. I swear my heart had stopped, but I had never felt more... alive, I guess I would call it. There was no other way for me to describe it. Even with my eyes tightly shut, I was very aware of a lot of things around me. This felt unreal... could it be just a hallucination?

I didn't remember having these kinds of senses before... before what? I didn't remember what had happened to me. But there were a lot more things to be concerned about than that.

Like how the air I was somehow still breathing carried many more scents then I was used to... it was almost overpowering. Some of the smells I didn't even recognize, but were oddly pleasant. I don't know how I had ever missed them before.

Then there was my hearing. I heard a murmuring of voices coming from what I thought should be a hundred yards away since they sounded so distant. But I heard them crystal clear. Unless they were having a fight and yelling at each other, it shouldn't be possible for me to hear them. There was definitely something wrong here.

"How are you going to tell her?" I heard someone whisper. That was Chris. I was sure of it.

"I really have no clue. This has been hard for me." The voice sounded tired and worn out, but I recognized it instantly. I could never mistake that voice, no matter how distraught it may be. Damian. That brought back some memories... but not enough to make sense of what was going on.

I tried to move, but not with much success. Every time I tried to move, sharp little spikes of pain seared through my muscles, making it entirely impossible to move. It was almost like when I had broken my ribs, now only worse and all over my body.

As I moved my hand, I felt it brush up against what I was wearing; a silky, grimy fabric. The silky part felt sort of like... a dress... but what would I be doing wearing a dress? Everything I was taking in right now didn't add up. I finally forced open my eyes.

Above me was a vast canopy of leaves, with pieces of sky barely peeking out from between the branches. Everything was so sharp and clear, it was unbelievable. It seemed I could see every tiny detail of everything I looked at, every once-hidden feature of a leaf's surface, so far up above me... I felt the ground beneath me; let my hands graze over it. Everything was damp and mushy, like the forest. The ground was definitely covered in moss, and I was definitely somewhere in the forest. How had I ended up here? The questions were piling up in my head; so much of them that it felt like my head would explode any minute. I needed answers, now.

"Damian?" My surprise and confusion only increased when I heard my voice calling out for Damian. I was expecting it to match how I felt right now; groggy, lost, confused, and disoriented. But it came out clear; it had actually improved. How? Unlike before it was now beautiful. It may be a vain thing to think, but what else could I say? What had happened to me? My memory was so fuzzy...

What I hadn't realized before in my bewilderment and disbelief at how my voice sounded was that everything had become deathly quiet. I couldn't even hear Chris or Damian's talking and... and breathing anymore. I couldn't hear the animals make a sound. But suddenly I heard footsteps almost silently make their way quickly over in my direction. And then all I could see was Damian's astonished, worried, and yet still stunning face. His dazzling looks seemed even more beautiful than they had been before. I could see every facet and inch of everything now. It was absolutely... breathtaking.

But all the same, I flinched into the ground at his closeness. I had expected that he wanted to attack me...

His expression looked just as confused as mine probably did now. But I think he had me for the shocked appearance. He looked absolutely appalled.

"Do you remember?" Great; as if I could get anymore lost then I was now. He just made it worse.

"How about a 'hello' first?" He frowned slightly, but a tiny smile appeared on his lips.

"Hello. Can you answer me now?" I clucked my tongue and pretended to look thoughtful for a minute. He groaned. For some reason, I felt very slaphappy right now, and I couldn't contain my teasing.

"Fine; but before I answer that, I want you to be a bit more specific. I have many memories, so which one? It might help in my answering." His gorgeous emerald green eyes widened.

"So you do remember?" He sat down on the muddy ground beside me; it almost seemed like he collapsed from surprise... and grief.

"Yes, I guess. Why wouldn't I? And why do you want to know so badly?" I did remember everything... except last night. I still needed those answers from him, too. But first he had to answer the ones I had just asked him. He had to. What was he doing here anyway? That was just another question to put atop my pile of inquiries.

I finally sat up as Damian raked his pale hands through his dark hair in frustration.

"This just makes it harder..." He mumbled under his breath.

"What makes 'it' harder?" I asked between my teeth. My good mood had all but disappeared; I was the one getting annoyed now.

"I will explain later. But right now, how are you feeling?" I rolled my eyes and just gave him a look. He sighed. I told him anyway, just to placate him. So he would answer some other questions I had coming.

"I feel awful. Is that better?" He looked at me playfully, but sorrow retained in his perfect eyes. I hated to see that.

"Not in the slightest. I don't like hearing that you feel awful." He flinched when he finished that last sentence. I cocked my head to the side confusedly. He quickly and slyly changed the subject, not wanting me to notice. But I noted it, and narrowed my eyes a bit. What was wrong with him now? All the apologies from him before, and now all this sorrow he was radiating for something that I had no idea about. He was hard to follow right about now. And that was saying something because even though I had only known him for a couple months, I felt like I knew him a whole life time.

"So you want to know what happened to you last night." I looked down and nodded slightly. How his voice sounded next really surprised me. I'd never heard him that sad, depressed, and spiteful all at once before.

"I'm not really sure you want to. That's why you're supposed to forget everything when the change is over." My head snapped up, and an unusual anger boiled within me.

"What change? What do you mean, 'I'm supposed to forget?' Do you have any idea how confusing this is to me right now? I wake up in the middle of the forest, not able to move, and pulling up a blank for what happened last night." I pronounced each word distinctly, letting venom singe each word. The uncommon fury was startling to me. He looked away from me, and his voice came out in a whisper.

"Actually, I do. And I know how hard it is. But can you please cooperate and calm down so I can explain what happened? It's going to be a huge blow to your world." I was losing my patience and my sanity now. I was shouting at him from the ground, but I had to get up, no matter how much pain it caused me.

Avoiding collision with Damian's head, I swiftly and gracefully pulled myself up off the ground, so unlike myself.

"What change? What happened?" I practically screamed at him. The sound was practically deafening; I would be surprised if no one from town had heard me... if I was anywhere near town. I still didn't have a clue where I was, other than I was in a forest.

Damian answered me in a serious tone, yet his voice was much quieter then mine; almost as a rebuff against my loud one.

"Fine. You died last night." I had been glaring at him, and in a tense and ready-to-fight position, but as soon as I had heard that all my muscles almost gave out. That was definitely something that was unexpected. My eyes widened. And I could not believe what I was hearing. I started to teeter on my feet, since my muscles wouldn't work anymore. I must've looked like a ghost, for real.

"What? What do you mean?" Although my voice was calm now, I sounded like a lost and scared child. I was frozen where I stood, now.

"Technically, you did die. And you are dead right now. Being immortal is just as good as being dead." I had a feeling I was not supposed to hear that last part. And from what he said made me believe more in my hallucination theory.

"I still don't understand though. How am I an 'immortal'? How is that even possible?" This just couldn't be true. Immortal beings were mythical things. And mythical things weren't real.

There was a deep pause, and it seemed like what was left of my already horrible life came crashing down on me. I remembered lying on the icy cold gravel, blood pooling around my body... Being a mythical thing was the only way to explain why I was still breathing with no heartbeat, no pulse. And I knew this was no hallucination now. There was no way it could be. At least I could try and fix the life I had before, but now there was no way. What would I do for the rest of eternity?

I sank down to the ground, clutching my head in total aggravation and denial. I didn't know what to think of the world anymore.

Suddenly he was not centimeters away from me, holding my face and looking into my eyes. I almost bared my teeth and snapped at him, but I restrained myself. What had happened to me?

"I know you don't deserve this, Marie, and I never would've done it if I wasn't given an order to."

That stopped me short; shocked me even more. He was the one who had done this? Damian? The one who I had trusted, let into my life, and had been friend with for weeks now?

That drove me over the limit, and I started to quiver. My vision turned blood red. But there were two more things I had to ask him before I would run away.

"And... what... exactly... did you... change me ... into?" My words came out half-strangled with anger. I didn't dare look at his expression, so I just kept glaring icily at the ground.

Damian didn't speak for a long moment, and when he did, his voice was very reluctant and sad.

"You're a vampire." My eyes widened in absolute horror. A vampire...? I became even more appalled as I realized what being a vampire entailed.

I would have to take other people's lives to give me the sustenance to live. I absolutely hated the sight and smell of blood. Everything suddenly came crashing down on me and I realized that this was just all way too much.

I quickly slapped his hands away.

"Whoopee. Thanks so much for all you've done for me. I really appreciate it." My voice was dripping with sarcasm. Sarcasm was my only weapon right now. I had absolutely nothing else to rely on. In an instant I was on my feet staring at a shocked Damian. And this would be my last question.

"Why didn't you just tell me that you were a vampire?" Now he was on his feet and staring at me blankly.

"How was I supposed to tell you? You would have just run away screaming from me, and then changing you would've been harder for the both of us."

"No it wouldn't have! I like you for who you are, Damian, and even if you had told me you were a vampire before, it wouldn't have mattered!"

"You don't understand." His voice was unnaturally calm and unnerving. My anger stirred inside me again, barely startling me this time. I was too distracted.

"What more is there to understand? No wait; don't answer that. I don't want to hear it, and don't want to be here anymore."

"Wait–" He was cut short because I was already two hundred yards away, just entering the trees.

One thing was for certain –I was way faster now then I was when I was human. Hopefully it would take me farther away from Damian.

Trees flew by me at a lightning fast speed, missing me by centimeters. I felt like a ghost; a wraith twisting through the trees at a speed like this. It was crazy how my dress didn't catch on anything, or that I didn't trip. But I wasn't really in the mood to appreciate anything about being a vampire. About being a new me. Right about now, I was feeling betrayed, angry, and shocked all at the same time. There was no denial anymore; how else could I weave my way through trees and avoid debris at this speed?

I had to fight back angry tears as I ran. That among my newly developed senses, especially smell, made me feel like I was a bomb about to explode.

My feet scarcely made a sound as they only just touched the ground when I ran. So it was much easier to hear someone approaching behind me. Or, make that two people.

I didn't think it was possible, but I sped up, pushing myself past my new limits. Wow, I was only, what a few-hour-old vampire, and I was already testing my limits? I doubted anyone else had been put through this... I heard shouts from way behind me, pulling me off my train of thought.

"Stop! Marie, please wait and let me explain!" I didn't need to hear why, and I didn't really want to either. It was probably just an excuse to make me stop anyway. There would probably be no explaining involved.

He had turned me into a vampire, and ruined what was left of my miserable life; yanked what was left from under my feet. I could've probably fixed it, but now...

I must've run fifteen kilometers from where I had been before, and I was surprised that I was not yet getting tired.

Suddenly, Damian and Chris's footsteps got a lot closer. I tried to go faster, but I was at my limit and couldn't go any faster then I was already. I was going to get caught, unless I fought them. And we all know how that would end for me... badly.

The footsteps weren't even a meter away from me, and then I felt a hand grab me around the waist and pull me backward. I saw a flash of Damian's face and wrestled him off, elbowing and doing anything to shake him off. He stumbled backwards, and then righted himself. He sighed heavily, then in one fluid movement, crouched down like a cat about to pounce.

Then, in a split second, he was gone and then tackled me on the ground, landing on top of me.

He immediately tried to pin my arms up over my head, but I just fought back with all the strength I had, trying to push him off and away. He was starting to struggle against me, and I almost had him off me, when Chris joined in. Chris took my arms and pinned them behind my head while Damian pinned my legs and torso down. Even though there was no point to fighting back anymore since I had lost, but I still tried.

"Jesus she's strong, even for a new born..." Chris muttered, still working to keep my arms down. I didn't like hearing that. It just made me feel even more abnormal than I already was. I squirmed madly.

"It's too bad it had to come to this. Will you please calm down? You're going to hurt yourself." Ya, what did he care? He had already hurt me enough.

No matter how hard I thrashed, I couldn't get them off me. Why wouldn't they just leave me alone?

And in that instant, I gave up. I was never going to win. I stopped struggling, and just laid there limply on the ground, the boys' arms were still holding down my small frame cautiously. It felt like something died inside me. I identified it as my will to fight, since I felt there was no point in resisting any longer.

My life was over because of him.

XJ9R