Strings Attached

~Chapter 11~

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I'm still ruffled by the way things turned out in Turtleneck's class. The aftermath has been disastrous, to term it mildly. It's been more than a week, and I have been so angry at the incident I've been reckless at school, bunking classes and bonking people right left and center. My ego has been torn apart so darn much that I haven't even cared for music! I haven't even gone to the guitar shop to get it repaired.

And the fact that I'm not getting gigs isn't helping much. The only gig I'd got was from the PoG. The Manager had called a few days earlier to get me a slot fixed after 9, but I was so freakishly drunk that night, I cursed him like a fool. He texted to tell me afterwards that I shouldn't bother dropping by, even if I change my mind, coz he'd never have me sing there again. And I made it even nastier by texting him back all kinds of obscenities I could think of in my drunken state. They were many and they were really, really bad! He'd never ever call me back again.

That's a pity though. He paid me good money. I've been trying to convince myself all of these days that I don't need him. Let him and his PoG go to hell! But I'm failing miserably. And it has stimulated my reckless factor. I've been after so many girls these days that I don't even remember their faces. It's all a haze in my mind. Ugh! Curse you Hidayah Ali! You've done more damage than you could imagine.

Seth has been around more than anyone else. I've noticed a thing though. All of my friends, except Seth, leave me when I'm sinking in the deepest abyss of gloom. I've been foolish all of these years! Chuck and Tyler have called a few times, but that's that. Harte avoids me like plague, and Tyler obeys his commands. Chuck's dad has been a real 'Mad Ox' these days, so he too isn't around much.

But I think I don't want any of them... they don't understand me. I thought Seth was sensible, but he was taking me to play poker yesterday! He plays virtual poker and wanted to try the real thing with me, to get my mind off things. But that's not my idea of a rehab. I still have some remnants of long-forgotten morals instilled in me by mum, and I would never step into a casino. It was what made a monster of my dad. And I don't want to be like him. Never be like him! I'm already teetering on the edge of the cliff of self-destruction. I can't afford to fall into the gorge of destitution too.

I remember clearly how all of this came about, though. That day has been a turnabout of my mental state. I never knew rejection could affect me so badly. Guess I need to begin my therapy once again. Anyway, that day, when the class ended, the girl bolted out the door at top speed, and my ego was all that had prevented me from chasing after her. How can anyone be this difficult to oblige?! I felt like I wasted the whole of my forty-five minutes trying to make her yield. Worthless prick! She was better off in her own country if she's only come here to run scared like a headless chicken.

It was only for her own benefit that I offered to help her. She needs me more than I need her, seeing as I've been around longer. But the itch that she is, she wouldn't let go of her stupidly made-up rules. And I couldn't care less about her. I've far more important things to do in life, like making a living for myself. For all that my excellent father has, is for Rich.

After the school had ended for the day, I didn't find myself in the mood to join my friends. Sometimes, their perfect lives and perfect families annoy me, though I would never admit it to them. They'd think me jealous. Well, I am jealous. And it doesn't make anything better that I can't even relate to them.