The Gift of Nothing | ✓

Don't Look Back

Chapter 3 | Don't Look Back

When I was younger, my family would have dinner together every single night. At seven, I adores the fact that we treated dinner as some big feast, that my parents and brother were sitting around me. It made everything feel better, in a sense. But there was this thing called growing up. Just at twelve, I started to get irritated because I was practically required to east with my family, like some sort of daily tradition. I would make up the most bizarre excuses just to get out of having dinner with them.

I was absolutely stupid. Because of my idiotic decisions, the last dinner I had with my whole family was two weeks before the death of my brother.

Since then, I would've tried to have dinner with my mom and dad. But they didn't really have an appetite for a month or so. I had felt like I screwed up badly for myself and my parents. Never again did I get to have those evenings, sharing inside jokes and smiles at the table. Never again. Ever since I moved to my new house, I either quietly sat with my parents, or I sat by myself, always bitterly thinking that every that had happened was my fault.

The moment I stepped into my house, I realized two things were off. One, I could smell something cooking and two, that nobody should even be home.

Walking into the kitchen with my gray backpack lazily swung over my shoulder, I cautiously eyed my mother. I grabbed an apple, one of my favorite fruits, before approaching her. She turned around and smiled at me, which stirred a long forgotten feeling inside of me. I was still suspicious, though, because she was uncharacteristically happy. She wasn't even in her usual stiff and dressy business suit, instead she was dressed down, much like me.

"Mom?" I asked, bewildered, "What are you doing here?"

She gave me a strange look, before saying, "We're going to have dinner together, hon." I remained expressionless, nodding slightly. A forced smile was given to her before I backed out of the kitchen without a noise. My Converse softly padded up the stairs and to my room. Quickly shutting the door, I slid down to the floor. I was just so confused.

Once upon a time, my mother was carefree and loving, but cold hard reality came crashing down. My mother was always kind and sweet and could make someone feel like the King of the world. Now, she wasn't that kind-hearted mother that I grew up with. In replacement was a stern lady. She stopped calling me sweetie, honey, or darling since 2010. I knew something important was going to be discussed during dinner from these signs. Whether it being my detention today, or my mom having some kind of epiphany.

I sat around for a while until it was time for dinner. I shuffled down the stairs and towards my seat. My dad, who sat at the head of the table, didn't greet me. He just stared on with an impassive expression. My mom, who sat in front of me, had a slight frown on her face despite the fact she was smiling thirty minutes ago. But my main concern was that I was uncomfortably sitting at the table with them. Using my fork, I played around with the vegetables, taking a bite once in a while.

I tried not to cough the awkwardness away.

"We're going to Germany." My mother finally stated, breaking the ice. I widened my eyes, my mouth slightly dropping. I wasn't expecting anything like that.

"When are we going?"

"You--" There was so much emphasis on that single word, "--are not going." I was upset and relieved all at once, "We will leave tomorrow night. An important meeting is taking place there, along with a few others. Your father and I will be gone for a month or so."

"Okay..." I trailed off. My mother's eyes flashed with concern for a split second before disappearing just as quickly. I felt anger pound in my blood, "If Theo was here, we'd all be going. I wouldn't feel so neglected."