Weightless (H.S. BWWM)

Start Over

Sitting in the passenger seat I can't believe how much I missed him, and this – just being with him. Being here I feel like I have a chance. I'm still wary of the future and the possible problems I may cause for us but for the first time I'm willing to truly try to work it out. Of course I've put to bed the past with Charlie but there's still the underlying issue that people who I love always leave so the fear that Harry will do the same is still there. I don't think it'll ever go away but I'm done trying to hide it or use it as an excuse – it's a part of me.

"Ready to go?" Harry asks, buckling his seatbelt.

His voice startles me from my thoughts but I nod yes anyway. I guess we can't put going home off forever. I think we both know what has to happen once we get there and I think we're both scared.

The ride home is quiet aside from the radio and the sounds of the road. The both of us are deep in thought. So much so, that when we pull into the driveway neither of us gets out of the car. The hesitation is real on my part and Harry's. I think we both know that the conversation we have to have will either be the one that helps us start over or it will be our last. I'm not ready for that and I don't think he is either.

It doesn't take long for the car to get too hot to sit in so we concede and start to head inside.

"Do you need help?" I ask, Harry as he opens my door.

He shakes his head no, "I've got it. You just go open the front door."

I nod and close the car door, the sun gleaming off the shiny paint. My car is sitting in the driveway spot closest to the front door looking deserted. It's funny how when you're away from home you miss such strange things. I drove one of my dream cars for two weeks in Texas and yet I missed pushing my old Kia Soul. Every time I drive it I'm filled with joy because I paid for it on my own, driving it feels like home to me, it's comforting.

There are a million things I missed while I was away really, aside from the obvious. I missed waving to Eddie as I drove through the neighborhood gate because he knew it was me as soon as I turned the corner. I missed pulling into this driveway and running my hand through the fountain before walking up to the front door. I missed using my tacky personalized key with my first name initial on it that Harry bought me a few months ago. I missed the screech the door makes when it's opened too slowly. I missed coming here and feeling like this was my home – because that's what it is. Each of those rituals and the man who facilitated them make this feel like my home just as much as it's Harry's.

I never realized I'd call his bedroom 'ours' until recently but I do. The majority of my things have somehow found their way from my townhouse to here in one way or another; I hardly if ever go there for anything anymore. I've moved in with Harry for all intents and purposes and that's huge. I've been living with the man I love and I didn't even really realize how important of a step that is. It came so second nature to stay here that I didn't take the time to overthink it and freak out about what it could mean. It's almost like subconsciously I was pushing our relationship forward whether I knew it or not.

As Harry walks through the front door with my suitcases I thank him and then roll my bag to the guest room where we usually keep our extra luggage. I figure I can unpack later once we've settled in a bit.

"So," I start, walking down the stairs into the living room where Harry's settled on the couch, "do you want something to eat or drink?"

He shakes his head no and continues to watch TV as if I'm not in the room.

I'm not really sure what to make of his aloof attitude. The awkwardness I'm feeling is burning me up inside. I don't know what he wants. Is he waiting on me to start talking? Or are we going to fall back into old habits and ignore the pink elephant in the room?