Seven Hours Of Ethereal

Chapter Fourteen

     Okay. So I guess I was feeling a little pissy today, since I screwed everything up and Brandon saw completely past me in the hallway. Whatever. I even waved. But nope, he was looking down and smiling at his phone. I don't know why I ever thought I was that important to him. For all I know, I'm a has-been.

     After school, I was sitting on the bench I usually sit at, waiting for the traffic to dye down when I saw a black backpack being shoved on the ground next to mine. I looked over and it was Brandon who sat beside me. I was still in utter shock that it was really him but since he came over to me it made me a little less nervous. Once you approach him and actually start talking with him he's actually calming. That's one of the things I love about him. 

     "Hey!" I said merrily as I'm pretty sure my eyes were twinkling at his face and smiled widely. He just raised his eyebrows, smiled, and did his famous hair flip and sat down next to me. 

     "We haven't talked in a while..." I said as I stared out into the parking lot. I was too scared to look in his eyes and say that to him. 

     "Yeah...Things have been crazy. I've just been so busy and..." He trailed off as he played with his keys. He was fidgety like me so he did that a lot.

     "For six months?" I asked. I needed to address this. We've just been ignoring each other for so long I just needed to tell him everything. Just forget he was there for a minute and vent. 

      "I guess...to be completely honest it's not like you talked to me either." I could feel him looking at me. My heart dropped. Oh, God. It was really happening. 

     I got silent. My throat got so tight it wouldn't allow me to speak. I could feel my face being red. I could feel him noticing, too. 

     "You alright?" He asked. 

     "Oh, so now you notice that there's something wrong?" I started to yell as I was trying to hold back my tears. Please, dear God, don't make me cry in front of him. 

     "Woah, okay something is wrong. You were never like this before. What happened?" He turned his torso completely to be facing me. I could feel his eyes on me. I quickly cleared my throat to try to make the tears disappear before they slipped out. 

     "Nothing. It's hard to explain. I shouldn't say it. I'm sorry." I tried to make things up for me taking my anger on him. Bottling my feelings was what I did best and it was the best thing for me to do. 

     "No, tell me. I promise I won't tell anyone." He softened his voice. God, it was so quiet. My love for him was making this so much harder. 

     "It's not really like that...please, Brandon I really don't want-"

     "I'm not leaving until you tell me what's wrong, I'm worried."

     "Why would you be worried, it's not like you cared before." I had to keep looking away. I could feel him looking away. I know he wanted to just leave me there. I just know. 

     "Whatever. You don't know me anyways." He said as he got his keys and bag and started to get up.

     "Look, I can't tell you the truth because it's humiliating and everybody knows and I don't want to screw up." I already knew I was starting to cry. I was praying he wouldn't notice.

     "Well then how can I help you?" He almost raised his voice. "God, I'm just being nice. That's all I'm doing, I just wanted to check on you because you always look lonely and I feel so bad every time I drive away and we haven't talked in forever!" He went in a tirade. The thing was that I knew exactly what he was talking about. He walks on knives for people only then to see them unsatisfied. 

     I was just happy with him being here. I loved him. I started to cry. 

     "You have no idea how much I want to tell you but I just can't, I'm scared!" I cried looking at him. 

     "Why?" 

     "I can't tell you that either." I sat back down. He sat with me. I never expected him to stay. 

      "Yes you can. If it helps, just forget I'm here and imagine you're talking to a wall."

      "You do know you could potentially hate me if I told you?" I closed my eyes tightly. 

      "Why would I hate you?" My heart fluttered yet shattered. "Alright. Tell me."

     There was a silence. He began to disappear. I imagined I was looking at a sheet of paper, about to write something simple in my journal. 

     "I like you. I've liked you since we first talked and for eight long months I could never stop thinking about you and I still can't. I've tried and it's impossible. I know that you don't feel the same, and I know that this is childish and stupid since there obviously wasn't anything there to begin with, but I'm sure once you graduate I'll find a way to get over it somehow and move on with my life. Just please, don't hate me or ignore me like you did before. But, also, don't lead me on because that's kinda what happened last time and...let's just say I was walking on a knife for him and he just...yeah. I'm so sorry. I ruin everything." A tear slid down my face, knowing this is probably the end of the story for me and Brandon. 

     He got extremely quiet and it scared me. I didn't open my eyes until he spoke. 

     "I like you too." He said. "And I know you like me. I'm just happy for you to say it." I opened my eyes and my heart immediately started pounding. This was not happening. I looked over at him and he was smiling. (I didn't feel ready to tell him that I loved him yet even though I wanted to so badly.)

     "You just see me as a friend." I wiped my eyes and looked down. 

      "Hey. Look at me." He touched my shoulder. "Would I do this if I just saw you as a friend?"

      He kissed me. It was actually nothing like before. It felt real. 

      He kept touching my hair and kept his face close. He kept looking at me. I was still in shock and could not believe that this was happening. 

     "Unless you had to...you know..." I didn't know what I was saying whenever I looked into his eyes. 

      "It's not like that anymore." He smiled. 

     "What do you mean?" I asked.

     "I'm kind of asking you out, I guess. I don't know. I'm socially awkward." He laughed and I laughed too. 

      "I know. You told me." I smiled. feeling his arm around my shoulders felt so nice. It was something I thought I'd be imagining forever. 

     "S'okay though because you're socially awkward too." He looked over and smiled at me. "You never answered me when I socially-awkwardly, kind-of asked you out." 

     "Yes. I would love to go out with you." I don't think I've ever smiled that wide before. I have him now. And he has me. Things have finally all worked out and fell into place. Finally. 

      God, his smile was beautiful.

     We just sat there, on that same bench, looking out into the parking lot. I rested my head on his shoulder. The air was chilly. 

       "So..." He said. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow." The one phrase that started this perfect canvas of madness.

      "Yeah." I smiled. "I guess so."