Seven Hours Of Ethereal

Chapter Twelve

Rachel 

     Watching Ethan play the same freaking chord on the guitar over and over again got tiring for me. We were in the "party" room, covered with sports memorabilia, had instruments in the corner, a fridge filled with Mountain Dews, and two couches. We always played rock music, and Ethan always wanted to be in control of what was playing. It was something him and Brandon always argued about whenever he was over. 

     "When people are over, I want them to feel calm. Like they can sit down, not like they're about to go have an adrenaline rush." I remember Ethan saying when him and Brandon were watching a Marvel movie. 

     "It's not an adrenaline rush. It's emotions. Maybe you should try feeling them sometime." Brandon didn't really care if Ethan got hurt by his words, he was like that with everyone. Everyone knew when he was joking and when he wasn't. 

     "I just like to be calm, dude. Your playlist gives me mad anxiety." Ethan was...more chill, than any of us. Zoe was chill. I think I was the only one who still even talked to her. Who insisted on inviting her to parties, telling her that she can even invite Mike to make things less awkward. She would break out in an anxious sweat and freak out. It's like she had Brando-phobia. 

     One person I think who had more Brando-phobia than any person on the planet, is Lydia. After their falling out, she grew terrified of talking to him. When she was at my house, I walked in on her in hysterics and her thumb twitching to press the 'send' button to tell him a compliment. I was thinking "The guy feeds off of compliments, I don't think it'll be that bad." She closed her eyes and I pressed send for her. I even offered to give her his phone number. She started nervous laughing, and politely turned it down. 

     Lydia and I have so much in common, but she is nowhere close to chill. If anybody in our little group, she's most like Brandon. Their music tastes are questionable (Only Lydia and Brandon are the two people I know that would listen to a Disney soundtrack right after Nirvana's "Bleach" album.), they aren't ignorant at all, both very intelligent, both musically talented, both involved in performing arts, and both speak fluent sarcasm. I doubted Lydia knew about the Zoe thing, though. I think she would be scared and dragged back to reality if she did. Love blinds her so much. That's why she's scared. She's impulsive. That was what scared Brandon away. And, because he was probably confused about his own emotions at the time. I think he still is. But Brandon is also impulsive, and I honestly think if she actually did go foreword with dating him instead of running away scared of commitment, she would be the one confused and scared. 

     Ethan knew Lydia on a first-name basis. They never met, I think it would be awkward for the both of them if they did. Ethan only knew about Lydia from what I've told him - he knew nothing of her love for Brandon. I had ties with Zoe, so my friendship with Lydia around her was something I kept quiet about. Lydia only knew of Ethan from what I've told her - I would always go to her if we were doing rocky at the time. 

     "It's not supposed to give you anxiety," Brandon would always respond with. "It's supposed to make you feel something. Not all music is happy. It's anger. Pain. Sadness. Deep shit, you know? No one ever talks or sings or screams about that? I mean what do you listen to when you're pissed at somebody who won't start driving when the light turns green? Somebody who just broke your heart? Or when you're pissed at yourself?" 

     "Still salty about something, Brandon?" Ethan would ask. Brandon always just floated away in an angry tirade. Every emotion he felt, he felt it with a fiery torch. 

     "Nothing. Just open your mind, please. To music that makes you feel something." He would have finished his third Mountain Dew by this time. He had a problem. 

     "What about music that makes you feel love? I heard Rachel's friend loved Halsey's album..." I would sit back and listen by the fridge, knowing right in the frontal lobe of my mind that "Rachel's Friend" meant "Lydia". Ethan knew she was the girl that none of us spoke about, kind of like the devil guy in Powerpuff Girls that no one spoke of, they just called the devil guy "HIM". 

     "Never heard it." Brandon would always say. He was rarely fine in his cage of music, though - it was always open to new sounds. 

     To sum things up, I loved Ethan, and I wasn't going to sacrifice a great friend who's helped me through so much just for that, though. Sure, Ethan has introduced me to amazing friends, but friends are forever. Some love fades. I don't know, I'm as fickle as Lydia. I'm surprised Ethan hasn't noticed that. Or maybe, he doesn't mind. I hope he doesn't. Despite the Zoe thing, and Brandon's wild mind of confusion and Coldplay, if the circumstances between Lydia and Brandon were just different - maybe just classmates in some poetry class (Lydia had endless poetry of Brandon, poetry she was terrified of him ever knowing about...again, "Brando-phobia") or bumping into each other in the hallway like how James and Lillian met, (I still didn't know how they were doing.) they could have been something beautiful. She could have been the air that ignites his fire. Not the water that puts it out, like Zoe did. After all this thinking in my head, I realized that once the water put out the fire, the fire was gone - Brandon in this huge depression. You could barely light a match without the rain quickly going out. But what was there, was smoke. And smoke was air. The air was Lydia. 

     Ethan and I were sitting on the couch in the party room, where we always hung out after school. Lydia and Brandon and everything that happened between them were stuck in the back of my mind. 

     "Hey, Ethan?" I asked. He looked up from his phone. 

     "What?" He asked.

     "What are we going to do about the whole Zoe and Brandon thing?"

     "Please don't meddle, Rach. They can figure it out."

     "Well, I just don't think it'll be the same again. Do you know Lydia?"

     "What about her?" His eyebrows furrowed. He got up and picked up his guitar, sat back down, and started softly strumming.

     "There's something only I know about her. She says Brandon knows, but I don't think he knows even the half of it, honestly. Since I'm the only one who talks to her. Don't tell him what I'm about to say, because Lydia thinks I only know, and that Brandon knows the basics of it."

     "Is it too complicated for me to get?" Ethan said. He was making up the chords as he went. 

     "Not really. Lydia just makes it out to be, so I'm just used to it being complicated, I guess." I looked at him strumming his guitar. It was so soothing to listen to. 

     "Just say it, Rach. What's going on?" He said. 

     There was a long pause before I could muster up the courage to say it. It's been such a sacred thing between Lydia and I since I can remember. For countless months. It was too strange for even me to hear it out loud. Even just us saying Brandon's name was sacred when we talked. 

     "Lydia loves Brandon." I finally said. Right there, in that moment. Ethan stopped playing the guitar. He looked at me. His face was in shock.