Unconditional

0| Isolophilia

isolophilia (n.) a love for being all alone

"Could you take care, of a broken soul?" - Take Me Home by Jess Glynne

I let my right hand out of the window  to let the water droplets touch my hands, it started with drops so less that I could count them; one drop, two drops, three drops and so on. But slowly the water droplets kept accelerating till they were infinite and soon my hand was completely wet. I moved my hand back into my safe, warm room and closed the window.

I shut my eyes as I felt the memories revive in my head, things happened too fast, too soon and they were definitely too much. I took a look at my phone, hopeful for a happy text, but no, my inbox was spammed with hate messages. What a wonderful farewell surprise.

"Honey, come down for dinner!" My mom called me downstairs, in her positive tone knowing what I was going through. As I walked towards the dining table, my brother and father too, were already sitting there. I sat down next to them, and couldn't manage uttering a single syllable.

"How are you Ray?" My dad asked gently. I looked down, I didn't want to answer my dad at that moment, and I was too ashamed to look in his eyes. He continued,"Well you should  be glad that we are moving back just in time, everything god does is for a reason."

That line hit me like a butcher's knife, I couldn't control myself, "Can you stop giving god credit for every damn thing? Thanks dear god for ruining my life!" I said that in a rather high decibel level and for a religious and respected family like mine, my behaviour was definitely crossing the line.

Yes, I was a Walker. We were the richer family, the family with a happy life, the family where everyone followed religion, the family with perfect and well rounded kids.

Until I ruined my family's reputation.

I guess it was true, it was a good thing we were moving from Chicago after spending two years here, we were going back to New York City, my hometown, the place where I lived till I was fifteen.

I had lost touch with my friends, I was too lost in my present.

Somehow, my father controlled himself and he simply took a large bite of the salad and swallowed it along with the harsh words of anger that would've been intended for me.

We ate in an awkward silence unknown to us, we may have seemed like perfect people in front of others, however we were pretty weird and comfortable around each other.

After eating dinner, the feelings started crawling upon me again, "Excuse me guys, but it's my last night in Chicago and I would love to have some time alone to myself."

I went upstairs to my room and shut my eyes tight once more, I tried thinking of things that made me happy, nothing did, it was all taken away. But then I thought of him, he made me happy.

Connor Fields.

My heart skipped a beat.

His smile.

His laugh.

His sarcastic frown from when you insult food.

Him.

He was the only person ever who helped me express my inner emotions, but being me, if anyone was too close to me, some way or the other that person and I would drift away. Losing him was the worst thing that could have ever happened to me, but it was my fault.

I unlocked my phone and mustered up the courage to re-read the last text he sent me, most probably the last symbol of his existence in my life, I was moving, would never return, it was all over.

But he was with someone else now, he was so much happier with her than he would ever be with me, because I was a package deal with all sorts of issues. And the worst part was that no, it wasn't because bad luck followed me around or anything, it was all because of me, I was a mess.

He made me a better person, but I made him much, much worse; it just wasn't fair.

I went through all our old  text messages and my emotions and tears began welling up inside me. It was all too much. I was all too much. I plugged in my earplugs and connected them to my phone and turned on my music, my typical depressing playlist.

"Guys I want to spend my last night in Chicago outside" I told my parents and younger brother as I went down my stairs.

"Honey are you sure? It's raining a little you know." My mother objected me. I just ignored her remark and left the house.

Suddenly I felt free to let those tears pour out, I tried crying all my emotions out but the tears just didn't stop, I looked around, the beauty of this city had trapped me into it, I didn't want to leave, but it's  for the better.

I turned my music off to listen to the chirping of the birds as they were heading homeward. I loved the buzzing voices of people around me, all of them living their own happy lives. I had always wanted to have a story, a life with tough and interesting obstacles; now that I'm living it I realise this was the worst wish I had ever made.

I began walking down the boardwalk  for Lake Michigan and was captivated by the beauty of the lake as if I saw it for the first time. I roamed around like a lost puppy all over the city for hours.

Then I made the crazy mistake to go to Caffeine Contentment, the cafe where Connor and I first met, I wanted to connect to him one last time before I left, even though I knew we were done.

I entered the tiny cafe where the woman who worked for the late night shift was already asleep, it arose so many pleasant memories. I made myself a coffee. I put the money right next to the working woman so I didn't really steal.

I looked around the cafe and was saturated with nostalgia, tears were released once more. I wiped them off as I heard the door of the cafe open.

A man with an umbrella covering  his entire face entered the cafe, he closed the umbrella once he was completely inside.

He had green eyes.

Eyes so familiar.

Eyes that I had fallen in love with.

Those eyes looked sad.

Just like mine.

Sadder than they had ever been before.

"Connor?" I said to the man.

"Ray?" He replied.

I didn't know what to do, it was as though my body was paralyzed. He said he would never enter the cafe ever again knowing that he fell in love with a crazy girl in it.

But there he was.

His eyes were locked to mine until I gave up and shut them to control those tears of mine, and in those few seconds of darkness everything from the start to the end came flooding to me.

Hey guys it's me <3
I know this chapter was pretty dull but that is because if I revealed too much of the past the book wouldn't be interesting! This story is very romantic and it's about a girl who has an inside that is too dark, or what she feels is too dark. There's a lot of drama and I hope you enjoy!
Lots of love,
Anonymous X
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