The Next Thing I Know : Im Married

Part 7

I was leaning against the car as those men took my bags inside this building im front of me.

Jacob and i didn't change a word since that breakdown i had earlier.

I so regret it now.

I hate crying in front of people, and now i just cried in front of a stranger, my said husband, the reason all of this happened.

There was just too many build up things, one after the other.

Seeing that picture made me remember the good life i had. The most sicken feeling of nostalgia got into me.

Memories flew into my mind.

Seeing all that in my brain, and comparing it with my life right now reminded me of how miserable my life became.

I remembered all those fights i had with my dad, how unwanted and unloved i felt, all those times i was about to cry but stopped myself because i thought i was strong enough to face everything on my way, but apparently im so weak.

I wonder what Jacob thinks of me now.

I bet he satisfied. Now he definitely is sure that i actually am a good girl.

One who cries over anything. One who's tears show her vulnerability, her true facade, her true self.

And maybe its true. I bet he'll take advantage of that.

Okay baby girl, cut this nonsense talk, you hat a meltdown, shit happens, everybody get that from while to while, but what they do is that afterwards they hold their head high and get even stronger, we all have moments of weakness, it doesn't define us exactly as a weak person, but as a person with feelings. We all have limits. Once you pushed them or only get near them, the inner you breaks, because its tired and lost his strength. Crying is like a break, to rest, get your shit together and get back on track, stronger than before .

I was so focused on this pep talk in my head that i didnt even see Jacob right in front of me. Staring at me weirdly. I mean, im not sure but is that worry in his face ? Or maybe pity ?

Gosh i hate pity so damn much, its just so damn annoying and what people dont know is that it makes things even worse.

More than they can imagine.

Watching people pitying you just worsens your case and make you look and feel smaller. In their eyes, and yours too. It somehow makes you lose your self confidence and all of a sudden you start pitying yourself too, and thats just the worst thing that can happen.

Suddenly the car i was leaning on moved and i lost balance, i was about to fall on my back when Jacob held me and pulled me closer to him.

My hands were on his chest and his around me. We were so close that i could smell his cologne, and hear his heavy breath, wait i guess that heavy breath belongs to me. But why does it set shivers on my spine ?

Oh yes his face is next to my neck .

We just stood there in that position, i dont think its been long, but time felt like its frozen. And so was I.

Why didn't i push him ?

"You really dont have to cry Megan" he said slowly next to my ear .

I just stood there not moving. Why did he say that ? Seems like he cares.

Yeah right nice joke.

Or he's acting all nice now that we are here.

Alone.

God only knows his intentions.

He let go of me gently and took a step back. My arms falling to my sides. Our gazes never leaving each other.