Feels Like the End

Chapter 4 Maddi

It was a few days after the fight with Troy and he still hadn't spoken a word to me. In fact, he left early every morning to 'work out' so we wouldn't cross paths. Even though Troy was against it, Zach officially quit the soccer team and joined the math team. So far, everything had been going great with the team. While Troy seemed to sulk more, Zach was definitely happier, chatting away about the challenging problems and new team mates at dinner time.

"Wait, so Troy is unhappy because Zach is finally doing something he enjoys? Why?" Zara asked while we were sitting down in the park after school. She had the day off from band practice and asked me if I wanted to hang out with her. I sighed in annoyance, remembering out argument.

"In his words, 'it's social suicide'. Basically he's afraid that because Zach was really popular before because of the soccer team, Zach will get bullied for being on the math team." Zara nodded in understanding, staying quiet for a moment.

"I mean, I can see why he would be upset." I gave her a baffled look. She returned it with an exasperated sigh. "Contrary to your beliefs, he's not upset because of selfish reasons. He's upset because he's worried about Zach. He doesn't want Zach to get hurt."

"I know that." I said slowly.

"Look at it like this; if Gabbi suddenly quit the softball team to join FFA, would you be worried about the backlash from her team mates who may feel hurt or betrayed?" I nodded. "It's the same thing with Zach. The difference is that he's in middle school and people his age are not as mature as people our age, other kids that aren't on the team may join in on the teasing."

"Okay, I see where you're coming from, but there's not much we can do about it. If Zach gets bullied or teased, he has to deal with that on his own, we can't be there to hold his hand along the way." Zara nodded.

"I totally agree with you," Zara replied. "Honestly, I think this whole fight is stupid and you both need to get over yourselves. This really isn't your business, it's Zach's. If he wants to change his life, let him." I gaped at Zara for a moment, trying to decide whether or not I was angry. In the end I chose to laugh it off.

"You're right." I stated, smiling at her. She grinned back, sending my stomach into war with itself. I glanced at my phone, suddenly realizing what time it was. Spending time with Zara never felt like enough. An hour could pass and it would feel like we only spent a few minutes together. 

"Oh my god, I have to go pick up Zach and Star." I blurted, quickly standing up, only to regret it when my head spun. I faced Zara. 

"I'll see you tomorrow?" I asked. She nodded.

"Let me walk you to your car." She smiled, taking my hand and intertwining our fingers together. I blushed a deep red, suddenly aware of how clammy my hands were.

Unlike any other time spent with Zara, the walk back to my car felt like an eternity. It was silent, not an awkward kind of silence, but a nice kind. It was the kind of silence you get with someone when you are totally content with them. It was the kind of silence when both party's minds and souls are weaved together for a moment of understanding in each other. When we got to my car I realized I didn't want this moment of happiness with Zara to end. I didn't want her to let go of my hand. I didn't want her to stop looking at me like I was an angel blessed on this Earth and she had the grace of meeting me.

"Well I guess I'll see you tomorrow." Her soft voice breaking me away from my thoughts. I smiled at her and nodded in response.

"See you tomorrow." We leaned in for a warm hug, and when we pulled away, she gave me an unexpected kiss on the cheek. She quickly turned and walked back to her car. I climbed in Sky and touched my cheek, a stinging sensation left where she planted her delicate lips.

When I arrived home with Star and Zach, an unfamiliar black Mercedes Benz sat in the drive way. At least, it was unfamiliar to me, yet not to Star or Zach. Star quickly ran up the stairs and burst open the door, not bothering to shut it behind her.

"Daddy!" I heard her scream.

"Hey Star." My dad's low voice pierced the air. I struggled to carry my oxygen tank up the four steps and onto the porch. I walked inside, coming face to face with my dad.

He looked much older than the last time I saw him, which was about six months ago, a couple months before my diagnosis. He had way more gray hair and dark circles under his eyes, indicating many sleepless nights at the office. He looked like he hadn't shaved in a week, which means that was probably the last time he was in the courtroom. My dad practically lived at the office, as he would spend a lot of nights there, sleeping or not. On nights he did come home, he would be home after we were all asleep, and he would get up before anyone could wake up, except for Troy, who would see him on occasion before going to morning football practice. I hadn't seen my dad the entire time I had been home. When I was in gymnastics my dad was home a lot more, due to the fact that my mom had been there, but ever since she left, we had never been graced by his presence. My dad had decided that he didn't want to deal with his crumbling marriage so he never went home and saw the kids he raised with her.

"Dad," I said in disbelief. "what are you doing here?" I asked.

"What? ? Is it illegal for a father to come home to his own kids?" He laughed like my question was ridiculous. "Besides, I heard Zach quit playing soccer and I figured I would talk to him, just to make sure everything is okay." Even though he had a warm smile on his face, what he said felt like a punch in the stomach.

"Are you serious right now?" I asked through gritted teeth, anger had washed over me like a hot shower.

"What?" He asked, clearly confused. I couldn't believe how oblivious he was.

"So you won't come home when your oldest child gets lung cancer and has to quit her career, but you'll come home when your youngest son quits soccer?!" I asked accusingly. I raised my voice slightly with each word.

"I-I..." He stumbled for words he couldn't find.

"No! It's okay, I see where your priorities lay." And with that, I turned around, climbed down the stairs with even more difficulty than climbing up, and got into my car, tears streaming down my face. I drove away and got onto the highway, attempting put as much distance between me and my father. Tears streamed down my face, making it a little hard for me to see. Eventually, I decided to pull over and try to calm down.

I couldn't believe this. My dad couldn't come home when I was diagnosed, he didn't come home when mom left, he didn't even visit me while I was placed into inpatient care at the hospital during my chemotherapy. He barely even noticed I was home, giving me a 'coming home' present about six months too late. I realized that my dad wasn't this great guy that everyone presumed him to be, which made me cry even more. 

After a while, I managed to calm down, but my breathing was still unsteady and choppy. I quickly remembered that I did not change my oxygen tank after I got home, and I was running out of it. I started to panic and picked up my cell phone, dialing Gabbi's number, knowing it was Ana Louise's day off. When she didn't answer, I started to panic even more, not sure who to call. A few seconds later, I made up my mind and hoped they would pick up the phone. After a few rings, she did.

"Hey Maddi." Zara's cheerful voice answered.

"Zara-" I breathed out. "My... oxygen.... didn't change.... need help..." 

"Where are you?" She asked sternly. I managed to tell her where I had driven and within minutes, she was there. She opened my door and, to my surprise, had Llewellyn pick me up and carry me to his mini-van, laying me in the backseats. Zara and Llewellyn got in and drove out fast, not leaving room for conversation. I still couldn't breathe, and with every minute, it became more and more difficult to breathe. My lungs felt constricted, as they weren't getting enough oxygen. I gasped for breath, trying to take it in big gulps, hoping that it would somehow help. The edges of my visions were beginning to go dark. The last thing I remember was Llewellyn taking me through some sliding glass doors, screaming for help.