It was a beautiful day yet we spent it laying on the bed, bodies intertwined. I could feel your eyes on me but I did not want to open them. I knew that once I did, it would all be over. Your thumb on my cheek, your lips pressed to my neck. I inhale your scent. Your lips linger on my jaw, as if waiting for something. I open my eyes and your eyes twitch. I knew this would happen. But I didn't know it would happen this fast. My thoughts are unfocused and my vision is blurred. The alarm goes off louder than necessary. I cringe as you push me away. My hands go to my ears and all I hear is someone calling my name.
'Hazel! Hazel wake up! Hurry or you'll be late for work!' she shouted.
Of course, it was all just a dream. I grab my phone and turn the alarm off. I pull the covers on top of my head and groan.
'Not this time Hazel, we don't want to be late again.' she said.
'But I don't wanna go..'
'Get up. Now.'
She pulls the covers off my bed and walks out of the room. I wish I didn't have to do anything. If I could, I would lay in my bed all day long, reblogging pictures on Tumblr, and drinking tea or coffee, (which ever comes first). I would only get up to go to the bathroom, and if I was hungry, I'd phone the pizza place and order far too much food and leave the leftovers on the floor so I could munch on it the next day. I'd never have to interact with anyone but my cat and I would be happy. I pursed my lips and got my ole Macbook sitting at my feet. I opened it up and started surfing the net. Does anyone say that?
'We're leaving in 10 minutes Hazel, you better be ready.' I could hear her yell from the kitchen.
'Yeah yeah, I'm getting dressed. I'm naked. So don't come in or you'll see my ugly panties! Or you might actually catch me in a lie and see me sitting on the bed…'
The door flew open and all I could manage was a smile. She threw my clothes in my face and told me to get dressed. After contemplating my options, I decided to get dressed. Let's be honest here, if I were to actually sit here all day, I would die. I mean, yeah, it's great to be in the comfort of your own home without anyone to disturb your blogging session but I'd probably grow tired of it. It's no fun to do the same thing all day long without somebody pestering you. And in my case, it was my best friend; Arya. We met in our first year of elementary school and have never left each other's side. She's a lot more organized and on point than me but that's how we balance each other out. She is also a lot prettier than me. I say this as I'm staring at myself in the mirror. I brushed my teeth and combed my messy hair, trying to tame is as much as possible, but to no avail. There was always one strand sticking out right above my ear and it drove me insane. Once I put it up in a high messy bun, it looked like it was there on purpose. I put on my ripped black jeans and my Jeffrey Campbell Cachay boots with a Han Solo top. Don't be fooled, I'm not a Star Wars fan but who says I can't sport this top? It's like those girls who wear Nirvana tops or worse the Beatles. And then you ask them to name three songs off the top of their heads and they can barely name one. I'm not bothered by those people, it is slightly annoying, but I don't blame them, the shirts are nice. I throw on my favourite parka and black scarf and call it a day. I usually don't try this hard but I'll do anything to slow down Arya. I'm not a mean person, I swear. She's just really cute when she's angry. I grab my uniform and head out. Arya is lacing up her converse. Even dressed all casual she looks adorable. Her blonde hair curled ever so precisely, her blue eyes bright and scream 'look at me!! I'm awake and I'm happy!' Whereas my dark circles give it away. But you know what they say, don't wear any concealer under your eyes and show the world your sick of their shit. Maybe I should take care of myself…
***
Arya has dropped me off to work and she parked the car in the parking lot. We don't work together but we decided to meet up at 5:30 so I could hitch a ride. I was currently in line at Starbucks, which was always too long but I stood there anyways because, well, I always did. Remember when you used to say 'oh I'm never going to drink coffee! It's disgusting and yellows your teeth!' yeah, me neither. I can't go a day without it and quite frankly, it's starting to empty my checking account a lot faster. I do have one of those old Tassimo, coffee machines at home, but those caramel macchiato's just don't taste as good. I've been listening to this new album I purchased on iTunes last night, it's pretty good; The Civil Wars. But I always go back to my favourite band; Muse. That yet to get bored of Black Holes and Revelations album is to die for. As I move up the line, I stare at the menu. Hmm…maybe I should try something different today. Maybe a white chocolate mocha? Or an americano? I've always wanted to try and americano. My thoughts were cut off by the girl at the register asking me what I wanted to order.
"Grande iced skinny caramel macchiato please' I say.
There's always tomorrow, right? By the way, who was I kidding 'skinny'. With the amount of caramel they put in there, I'm still adding up the calories, but my subconscious felt better about it. After several minutes of wrangling over with the barista to make me another drink because she thought I wanted a 'coffee frappuccino', I finally marched out of there feeling a lot more exhausted and sorry because I held up the line. This is why I liked being alone. Nobody to argue with me over things I want and need. No feeling guilty. I walk down the stairs and through the doors of Winners. Did I forget to mention I work there? Well, now you know. It's a pretty shit job to be honest. But it pays. And if I don't want to go back to my parents house and be home bound all the time, I was going to have to suffer. I'd rather work here every day than have my parents telling me to get a real job. I didn't mind it all that much. A part from those certain customers who like to bargain with you at the cash register or try to lie their way into getting a 30% discount on a ugly black tracksuit because it was misplaced. Or even those people who ask stupid questions like 'do you have these shoes in half sizes?' Look around buddy, there are rows and rows of shoes around you. I kept telling myself this wasn't permanent. I was going to get a real job, a job I loved, like Arya. But that's usually how you stay stuck in these places. You have to tell yourself that you hate the job and want to leave or else, you just won't 'mind' and never leave. I've been doing customer service for far too long yet I always find myself going back. I remember when I got this job. It was the first time that I grew fearful of my bank account. Getting money from the ATM was like playing a game of Russian Roulette. I was spending my savings on cheap wine and cheese and it started to worry me. I needed a job and fast. I was walking around and that's when I saw the three bittersweet words, 'No experience necessary'. My shift begins at 9am and ends at 5pm. By the time I'm done, I'm barely standing on my feet. At least today is pay day. That beautiful smell of money in the bank! But wait, first I had to pay my rent, my phone bill, the electricity bill, cable and internet…there goes half my pay check. As I walked to the parking lot I received a text from Arya.
*Sorry, I had to go see Brad, hope you don't mind taking the bus home…see you there x*
I let out a loud sigh and walked to the bus stop. I waited 10 minutes, which was too long and now I'm too cold. I sit down and take my book out to read when an older woman decides to stand too close to me. I don't mind, but I'm a little annoyed at the intrusion of my personal space. I look up and smile at her. I'm too exhausted to say anything. As I'm walking out of the bus, two men signal me. I think maybe I look pretty or nice or something. I look down to see if there was anything weird with the way I dressed or a stain or something, and realized I was still wearing my name tag. I take it off, and like it has possessed me, immediately stop smiling at strangers. I arrive home and plop down on the couch. Arya is nowhere to be found and I am somewhat glad. I turn on the tv and sit there staring at the food channel. I walk to my room and change into my not so cute pyjama shorts and a shirt with one too many kitten on it. I grab my laptop and sit on my bed. I have now assumed the position of blogging and will not move until further notice. (until I'm hungry or have to pee).
