Out-Dated

18.

Just two weeks had passed but I couldn't wait any longer so I texted her to see if she wanted to meet up. She promptly responded with her address and a message that said 'I'm off work at 6. Come sometime after then?' I felt for a second slightly surprised that she gave her address out so simply, before realizing we weren't strangers. But it had been sometime and I felt I had to get to know the 'new' Ella. The grown up, matured, pink haired, Ella.

I walked up to her apartment and knocked. The door swung open revealing the unfamiliar face of a younger boy. Mid-twenties or so. A cigarette rested in his mouth as he stared me down.

"Oh sorry, must have the wrong address." I turned quickly to leave.

"Who you lookin' for?" He stopped me.

"A girl named Ella?" I peered over his shoulder.

"Jamie! Let him in!" Ella's giggling voice rang through the apartment.

My heart sunk. Of course she was seeing someone. It's been 4 years. What did I expect?

Ella squeezed passed the boy, forcing him backwards.

"Hi!" She grinned, fixing her hair.

"Come in!" She grabbed both of my hands and pulled me into the building.

"Jamie this is Spence, Spence this is my cousin, Jamie." Ella huffed. We shook hands. "And he was just leaving because he's been here all weekend!" She playfully pushed him towards the door.

Cousin.

"Alright alright I'm going." Jamie chuckled and headed right out the door.

Ella sighed. "So! This is my apartment. Would you like a tour?" She threw her arms in the air.

"Yes definitely." I nodded.

As she showed me around I couldn't stop staring at her. I was amazed that the lost girl I used to know was not so lost anymore.

"Can I get you something to drink or eat or..." She opened the fridge and balanced on one leg as she used to do in my kitchen. I smiled to myself.

"Uh just coffee thanks."

She brought me a little cup and we sipped the drinks together. It was quiet between us, besides the clinking noises of the glass mugs on the counter. The whole thing was so strange for both of us. To be together again.

We made small talk. About her new job in fashion and what I had been up to. But my mind was racing nonstop and the thoughts poured out of my mouth, disrupting the trivial conversation.

"I was so in love with you when you left. It crushed me." I looked at her, humiliated by my confession.

Her eyes grew wide and she just stared at me.

"I just-. It was hard not knowing if you were okay. I just want you to know that I thought about you a lot, I guess." I rambled nervously.

She looked down at the beverage in her hands.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to..."

   "It's ok. I just... wasn't expecting...that." She spoke slowly.

   "What do you mean?" I glanced down.

    "It's just- it's been a while, I didn't think you would remember...things." She said softly.

I was taken aback.

"Of course. I remember everything." I felt my heart racing. Her eyes were wide and glossy, and she looked on the verge of tears.

"I do too." She said. My stomach fluttered.

We were quiet.

"I was dating someone" I quickly looked up at her.

"About a year ago." She continued.

"He reminded me of you, that's what excited me. He was funny and smart and thoughtful." She spoke and I listened intently. The idea of her with someone else, even if in the past, made my stomach sick.

"But there was something missing. And I could figure it out for a while. I wasn't in love and I didn't understand why. And then I realized he had an unforgivable flaw." Tears silently fell onto her cheeks.

I swallowed, unsure of what to do.

"He wasn't you." She said.

I froze.

"No matter how much I pretended, he still wasn't you. See that's the thing, I was pretending the whole time. I thought I could find someone else that had what you had and settle for the next best. But it doesn't work like that. We fall in love with someone, and for whatever reason we can't be with them. So we look for them in every person we meet. But it's never the same. There's still only one person you're in love with." She took a deep breath.

I was so in awe of her words that I was seemingly stuck in place, in time, in this moment.

"I love you, Spence. I never stopped."

I stared at her, my eyes watered. I had never wanted anything more over the years than to hear her say those exact words.

I went over to her and pulled her into me tightly, wrapping my arms around her. She rested her head on my chest. I felt like I couldn't catch my breath. She tilted her head up to me as I held her face in my hands. I couldn't stand how beautiful she was. I leaned down and kissed her, and tried to make up for four years.

    I threw my head back in relief. "Ugh! I thought I'd never be able to do that again."

   She giggled and wiped her eyes. This
was it. I'd make sure I never lost her again.

    "You're my soulmate, Ella. You're my whole heart."

    Her eyes lit up and she smiled at me.

    "I am life." She said, giving me a smirk.

     "You are life."