imagine it

P〉How they take your outbursts...

Chris E: He hears you out. Nodding his head, making facial expressions. All the while sipping his Heineken and somehow watching the Red Soxs whip tail and take names at the same time.

Seb S: He stands there and takes the shit storm like a saint. Letting you release all your anger out on him like a punching bag– sometimes literally. He knows you mean none of it and in the end it's nothing Netflix and chill can't fix.

Anth Mac: He plays along. Acting like one of your gay or girl friends. Gasping with wide eyes like, "Really?!" or "No, he didn't!" which never fails to turn your frown upside down.

Rob DJ: He leaves you to your own devices. Retreating to guzzle a couple shots at the nearby bar. You're screaming is like nails on a chalkboard; he simply cannot handle the stress that ensues. Whatever damage you do to the home can no doubt be fixed with his fat pay-check when he gets back. (Plus the copious amount of booze he consumes seeing as how you hulk out quite frequently.)

Chris H: He persuades you into thinking about happier things. Like the time Chris Evans screamed whilst out on the ocean because he thought sexy sea bass was a shark or suggesting that the two of you go take a steamy shower. The latter is of course an offer you can never decline.

Tom Hidd: He tries to console you; tells you to relax. His inhuman patience and ability to see the good in everything is infuriating and in the end only makes you more angry. The man is just too gentle to be relatable and so you instead opt to blast the ear of an unlucky relative over the phone.

Jere Ren: He asks what's making you tick; sometimes very deep philosophical questions. Your answers more often then not tend to make you question yourself.

Scar Jo: She pretends as if she never heard you; proceeding to rant on about whatever shit show she witnessed that day. Making you become more annoyed with her than angry with anonymous. Her formula has worked fine so far.

Aaron TJ: He acts as a therapist, best friend and lover all in one package and at once. He listens with a whole heart, gives honest feedback and graces you with priceless affection.

Eliza Ols: She recommends seeing someone about your problems. She loves you but sometimes she just can't take your issues. When it gets especially bad she sometimes threatens to leave you for good. Such hasn't happened yet and hopes are it never will.

Tom Holl: He asks what would lift your spirits and offers to take you out and get whatever you want. Hence the lively hedgehog that hisses, room full of Ironman merchandise and three cocker spaniel puppies. (And a begrudged toleration of your Andrew Garfield obsession.)

Chad Bose: Says you should not let your emotions consume you. When you don't listen, he goes to bed; done with the degrading failures of attempted therapy consuming him.

Paul R: He calls your mum or dad (or both) and asks for expert advice; resulting in him making you your favourite cake. Fully aware of the knowledge he will receive none, for, "Not a crumb she shall share."

Ryan Rey: He will swear along with you. Agree with every curse, and ultimately not make things any better or help you in any way other than causing the circumstances to in fact worsen but make you feel good inside.

Bene Cum: He stares, lets you finish. Then when you are expecting advice, he starts talking like Sherlock. In such a smooth, sexy, fast, smart yet incoherent way; it makes you forget all about whatever was igniting your insides to fume.

Chris P: Puts on Beyoncé. Or Nicki Minaj– like Starships. Let's it bump loud. Dresses in drag. Or a fat suit. Dances- at times like a velociraptor. Twerks. Opens a box of Jammy Dodgers. Shoves them in your mouth. Plants a Grey Goose infused kiss on your lips.

Lee P: Offers to turn on the telly or watch the Soldier's Girl, seeing as how his humiliation tends to make you belly laugh till you can't breathe. And if you can't breathe you can't yell. And if you can't yell he can finally hit the hay at 2:43am, after hours of his eardrums taking a beating.