Worlds Unknown

That Little Light

The blood draws out, seeping the edges of my skin with the remains of any life I have yet to see in me. It hurts so much, it hurts that I feel like I'll forever be falling off the edge of the Earth, suspended by an unknown reality.

I'll never be like the rest. I rest the knife on my arm and cry softly. The wind chills my arms, cold, leaving goosebumps in it's trail and dripping blood onto the cement of the alley. 

My hair will never be pretty. My face will always be hideous. That paper bag Elisa gave to me? I might as well hide my face with it. I cut out two eyeholes and slip it over my head. Nobody wants to see me. Nobody will ever care. My skin and what lies beneath it will forever be cold.

"Excuse me?" A voice says.

I look up to the left, keeping myself locked tight into my cocoon. I don't move. I see it's a boy, about my age. He has a tiny little lantern with him, illuminating his face. It's Jack. Why's he doing here?

"Are you okay?" The boy asks. "Who are you?"

I start to cry. My life will be over anyways. I'm not okay; I curl up closer to my knees and rest my paper bag face onto my knees. 

The boy sits down beside me and says nothign for a few seconds. "Who are you?" He asks again. "Can you take the paper bag off?"

He goes to take the bag off but I smack his hand away and bring out the knife again. Jack's startled but realizes I don't want to hurt him with it. I slice my wrist again and cry. Who cares what he think, right? He can watch me cry. Deal with the guilt that he crosses my heart with in chains and swallowed the key. Find eternity looking for the lock when it will never be found.

Jack says nothing. "I don't know you are," he begins. "But I do know one thing."

"And what is that?" I say muffled throught the paper.

"That you look like you need a friend," he says.

I don't say anything and shiver in the alleyway. He's ruining my plans. My head hurts.

We sit in silence. Just watching the dark shapes of litter on the cement, the tiny light flicker in the lantern. The breeze tosses my hair back leaving the prickling hairs on the back of my neck exposed. I bite my lip and I realize this situation is not as awkward as it should be. Do I just not care? Or is it that I care?

"Do you know me?" he asks.

"You're Jack," I whisper.

He nods. "So you go to my school." Jack lets out a big breath, frosted in the air.

Silence.

"Whoever I am at school, isn't who I really am, you know." He looks into my paperbag eyeholes, hoping to see who I might be. But he's disappointed. My eyes are an unrecognizable shade of brown. Hard to know who I am.I nod, listening.

"I hope you don't tell anybody what I'm about to say to you, whoever you are," Jack says, looking down at his fingers. They cast dancing shadows on the pavement. 

I nod. Not like I have a purpose in ruining his life too.

"My parents always wanted a happy family. Like in the movies, with one daughter, one son, working parents, good income. Successful, you know the gist. But when my sister turned out to be a miscarriage my parents began to fight.

"They fought, hours on end. And their fights always got worse. The part that always got me was: why didn't they divorce? It obviously wasn't working with them. But they both were too attached to the idea of a perfect family that neither wanted to let go.

"I didn't want to be apart of the family. I ran away once. I knew how much it would hurt them, I knew that... but I couldn't handle it, you know? But they found me, and they were hurt that I tried. No win either way. So instead, when we moved here, I just decided to be a different person.

"I did things that I wouldn't have before...I said things and I wish I could take them all back. And I know whoever you are, I've probably hurt you. That was the oppostite of what I wanted to do by being..." Jack looks at his hands. "Someone I'm not.

"It was like acting. It felt so natural. To be somebody else. But I lost control of who I was."

I pick at the string on my jeans, and sniff. 

Jack looks to me. "Well?

"Well what?"

"I just told you one of my deepest, darkest secrets and you say nothing," Jack shakes his head.

I take a deep breath. "We're equal. We've both been ignored."

Jack opens his mouth to say something, but then closes it. I see realization and then a hint of guilt cross his face again, and then some anger, replaced by sadness, and so on.

I watch the tiny little light flicker, flicker some more. Then a gust of wind tips the lantern over and the fire goes out. I take this as a reminder from Him and place my blade vertically on my wrist. The kill cut. But Jack takes the knife from my hand.

"How about we start over?" Jack looks to me and extends a hand. "My name is Jack."

I purse my lips and then slowly take off my bag. "I'm Melissa."

Jack nods, his face still bright in the pitch dark. "Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too," I say.