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silently painful

The cold fresh air floats through my open window as I sit on the window side staring out into the snowy garden. My tan has faded. I hardly ever leave the house anymore. That's because I'm alone. I hate being alone. But I've locked myself away since my mother died 5 months ago of a heart attack. I've been alone for along time.
My dad travels a lot of work he's in Dubai at the moment selling his company to some guy. It's all stupid, leaving his depressed daughter all alone for the whole of winter. He won't be back for 3 weeks.
I have no friends apart from Cora and Luke.
Cora is this strong courageous girl who's the first to have every thing. She's sweet but not innocent. She has long blonde straight hair with the palest skin I've ever seen, but her to say cheeks force guys to fall for her. Her small round nose makes her green eyes stand out with her long lashes and a face covered in make up.
Luke has a gentle yet strong heart full of honest happiness. His unique fashion sense makes everyone judge him but he's never cared. Which I adore about him.

I sit staring still while I think about how the white rose bush use to be alive and free. Now it's leaves are crushed and petals are dead. There's nothing left but dead roots and stems. I close my eyes. I take a deep breaths of the cold and crisp air which entree from the open window above me. My long light brunette hair is laced in a half-arsed bun. I stare down at a Dark green finely knitted jump which clasps on my body for warmth. My feet sit upon the heater; with white fluffy socks to keep me from burning the skin on my heels.

My head hurts with depression and anxiety. I sigh as i gently push my soft hand against the firm window frame. I smile as the ice touches my finger tips removing alittle bit of heat even though I'm cold. The frost forces me to shiver all the way through my spinal cord.

A vibration occurs on the side next to me. I glance upon my phone, a message from Cora. She's asking if I want to go to a party tonight at Luke's house. She's been on about it for weeks now, she thinks I'd like this guy called Alex. I've been thinking about stopping at Luke's for a few days anyways.
I reply "I might as well..." I roll my eyes debating on outfit ideas, which I'm praying persuades me to stay at home.
I stand up walking over to bed and collapse on it, instantly staring at the clear white ceiling above me.