Pahiram

Ikalimang Kabanata

FRIEDRICH

"Oh god. Just breathe. Slowly."

Please answer your phone.

"Stop doing that! Baka dito ka pa manganak!"

"Hello?"

"Her water broke."

"What!?"

"Go here. Now!"

I read several pregnancy books because Alex was too stubborn to do so. Pero kahit ilan yatang libro ang nabasa ko, hindi ko pa rin mapigilang mag-panic kapag totoo na ang mga nangyayari – like panic is innate in me. (I got it from my momma.) My veins are popping out of my head and skin. My heart is beating out of my chest. I didn't even bother going in the hospital room because seeing blood makes me sick – not that I'm scared of blood. I just don't like seeing blood when I'm not prepared to see blood. (There is a difference.) Besides, nando'n naman si Vonn para samahan si Alex and she will be glad that it's not me. We haven't really reached a ceasefire agreement bago dumating ang kabuwanan niya.

I stood up when the door opened.

"He's beautiful."

There were tears in his eyes; his voice almost broken. He's carrying a cloth with red streaks, marks of blood, covering a little person who's making tiny arm and foot movements like he's boxing an imaginary enemy.

"He's not crying," I said like a whisper.

I drew my index finger near his face, but he clung on my finger with all of his tiny ones before I can even poke his cheeks. I shed tears because of amazement.

Ayoko talaga sa mga bata. Kasi pasaway sila. Kasi maingay sila. Kasi masyado silang fragile, lalo na kapag baby pa lang. Kaya nga noon, hindi talaga ako bumubuhat ng mga baby kasi natatakot ako na baka mabitawan ko pa sila, kasalanan ko pa.

Pero nang hinawakan niya ang kamay ko, parang nag-flashforward ang isip ko at nakita ko ang paglaki niya. Iba pala talaga kapag anak mo na ang pinag-uusapan, kapag sa'yo siya nanggaling. Bigla ka na lang magiging handa sa hamon kahit na hindi mo pa naman alam kung ano at kailan ito darating.

"He..." I swallowed back the clog in my throat. "He looks just like you."

I heard him smile. "So Junior na ba itatawag natin sa kaniya?"

I rolled my eyes, making an air of laughter escape from his mouth.

"Vicente," I said soflty. His lips curled to a smile. "To conquer."

"Fit for our son."

My mother gave me a book for baby names, just in case raw na hindi kami makaisip ng creative na pangalan. But we weren't really for the creativity score of a name (assuming that somebody out there scores them). Ang hanap namin ay pangalan na fit sa gusto naming maging definition ng anak namin. We came across a lot of names, but one name captured both of our attention.

Vonn and I are conquerors. We conquered our conservative past and stayed strong until we have attained our current liberal standing point. We conquered the shackles that kept us from going further in our relationship – we severed our ties with our family knowing that they are the main reason why we needed to hide ourselves in the closet for years; we conquered all of the struggles that we had in our relationship. We almost gave up, yes, but we always manage to make up and stay together.