Poems/Writings

sixteen

-Before I start. This doesn't feel finished yet. I don't know exactly what I want it to be. Some of this I feel doesn't fit. The pieces with slashes (//) are parts I'm unsure about. Or that I think belongs in a different story. Here is a part of me.

////I don't even know how to take a picture and add a caption about how I feel confident today. I just jot down song lyrics because I don't know what to say.////

the bags underneath my eyes tell you I haven't been sleeping but they can't tell you why
maybe it's not a sad reason
maybe I was out partying with tons of cool people
but that's probably not why
and you know that.
when I was 12 I would look in the mirror and cry
I had red bumps covering my body
you could "connect the dots"
there was a problem with my skin and I still don't know why.
when I was 13 I wanted to fit in
so I dyed my hair and said stupid things hoping I would be like other kids
I was 14 and trying to figure it all out. I acted like I knew everything. When I knew nothing at all. I had a lot of friends and people to talk to. Then I moved.
I'm 15 and I've figured some of it out. I don't have a lot of friends but I don't need a lot. I've since then learned that it's about quality not qauntity. I turn 16 in a few weeks. I don't feel that young. I don't feel excited about my birthday. I dont have too many plans. I still have feelings for someone who is also almost 16. Someone I've known since 13. I don't understand what the feelings are but they surely are there. They aren't really "love" feelings. I just care about the person. Some of the feelings are good but there are negative ones too.
I've learned since 14 that you can't hold onto someone who doesn't want to be held.
Let go.
You have the power to do so.
Do it.
When you were 12 you would have
never
thought you'd be where you are now.
Doing the things you are now.
As you're writing this you are sitting on a plane next to a man reading a book.
You're almost home.
When you were 12 you wouldn't even imagine flying by yourself at 15.
You wouldn't even imagine having your best friend living nearly across the country.
But the unexpected parts in your life are what makes life eventful.
So what you're not in school the same way most kids your age are?
So what you look different?
So what you don't have a lot of friends?
You don't need a lot.
You've got your family. Your close friends who basically are your family.
Most importantly
you've got yourself.
You always will.
Hang in there.
Keep exploring and going further.
I'm 16 now and am learning to know that it's okay to sometimes break down.
It's not easy keeping your head held high when you're scared of the sky
////or
when you're scared of the clouds
when you don't know what's in the sky
etc/////