She Is My Alpha | Good Boy x Bad Girl |✔️

Chapter 40 - "Playing The Martyr Now?"

I want to grin, I want to grin so huge and hug her and kiss her, but I can't do it, I can't move.

"That's when it started. The transformation. You were like a beautiful pupa evolving into the most wonderful butterfly. Everyday, I saw it in you, little changes, and the constant effort you were putting to make yourself better, the work you were doing to push yourself as much as you could, and I fell for you. Hard and fast, I was falling in love with every single thing about you, and there was nothing I could do about it. I could only convince myself that what I felt was just 'like' and it will eventually fade away when you decide to leave me, and I will be able to move on, when that happens. Little did I know, that I'd fallen so hard and deep into the rabbit hole already, it was impossible to come out." She chuckles mirthlessly, a sound skin to a sniffle reaches my ears and I realize that maybe she's crying silently.

No . . . No, Red. Please don't cry . . .

"It all bit me in the ass and I finally realized that I had completely and utterly fallen for you, and it would tear me apart to shreds to watch you leave when you met me in this same hospital room after Daemon attacked. You asked me so naïvely if I realized that I could've died that day protecting you.

"And it was like an epiphany moment, because it hit me like a bucket of ice water, yes, I was ready to give my life to protect you. Yes, My love for you was soul deep. Yes, I would do anything to bring that smile on your face, and I began to panic, because the next thought I had was, I had to pull away immediately.

"If I spend more time with you, you were gonna leave an irrevocably destructed heart when you left me. And I couldn't have that, because—call it self-preservation or whatever you want to, but in my defense, there was a Pack dependent on me, and such recklessness would only lead to the destruction of the only other thing that was constant in my life."

"But despite all my attempts to keep my distance, you and  your big mouth pushed me more and more everyday. You storming out after yelling at me, you about to cry after Lenora accused you of dumping your lunch on her, it was all little little things that pushed and pushed, and I broke that night when you were roaming around shirtless. If I'd known then that Nicole was lesbian, maybe we could've prevented that incident on the dining hall," She snickers, "but when you moaned my name . . . " She swallows, "It was like a switch was flipped and I was that scared little girl again, lying under her drunk father, motionless and hoping against hope that he didn't know what he was doing, or more precisely who he was doing. I just . . . I couldn't—I couldn't bear to stand—" Her voice wobbles and I want to comfort her, I so badly want to envelope her in my arms and yell at her to stop saying all this, and that's when I feel it.

My hand tightly wrapped in hers.

I hear the heart monitor beeping louder and louder, and I put everything I have, trying to squeeze my fingers in hers.

And damn if I didn't succeed.

"Micajah!?" Seneca is shocked, I can hear the chair scraping as she probably jumps up, scrambling in a hurry, "Doc! He's waking up!" She hollers, and I can feel her scurrying away, so I grip her hand tighter, making her take in a sharp breath.

It's a mammoth task to open my sticky eyelids.

I'm blinded by the sudden lights assaulting my retinae, before I slowly open my eyes, blinking once, twice, thrice, as the three Senecas hovering over me slowly merge into one. The whole world seems soft around the edges. I know I should be in pain, but I think I'm buoyed up by the amount of drugs they'd probably injected into my body.

I open my mouth, but that's when I realize that an oxygen mask is held around my nose and mouth by an elastic around my head. Seneca discerns that I'm trying to speak and pulls off the plastic mask, leaning close to me.