The Ramblings Of A Teenage Girl

7-14-16

I wish I had the good kind of depression, well maybe not good but the better kind, bipolar depression would be so much easier because then at least I'd have good times sometimes, my kind of depression is a complete feeling of nothing and numbness. I just want one day where I don't have to force a smile, is that too much to ask for?
I got up and actually ate something yesterday. I feel a little better I guess, my eyes hurt and I just want to sleep a lot.
You know how they say that you should live each day like you're dying and they mean it to be a positive thing? Yeah, well I don't understand that saying, for I feel like I'm dying everyday and all I want to do is curl up in a ball and stay away from everyone and everything. And I know that someone would say its physically dying not mentally that you need to live like, but being in this state, being in this much in pain isn't just killing me emotionally or psychologically, it physically hurts me. It isn't just in my head it's a real problem, I wish someone understood.