How To Gain 2kg In 6 Weeks

28th June

I wake up to my alarm. My cat is no longer where he was last night which doesn't bother me in the slightest. I saunter to the bathroom. I think that is possibly the best feeling in the world. Going to the bathroom after holding it in for so long. Sorry, too much information, I know. I say Good Morning to Thomas who is putting his contact lenses in after washing my hands and walk back to my room. I bring up a Blogilates Ab video 'You've got Abs!" I love to start my morning this way. After the short Ab blast, I put on my uniform, deodorant and perfume and walk down to the Kitchen to have my breakfast. I am not sure if I love breakfast or dread breakfast but it is definitely somewhere in between. It is the usual, a tablespoon of oats with a few blueberries and a piece of my favourite fruit in the world; BANANA! All mixed together in none other than, a mug. I wolf it down in seconds and then have the Apple Cider Vinegar in water which makes me feel refreshed. I fill up my drink bottle while I am in the kitchen and put the Ice Cream container of Grapefruit into my bag alongside it, not forgetting to bring a fork. I go back upstairs to clean my teeth. As I pass Thomas' room, all I can see is his laptop screen with Minecraft open on it. Of course. After cleaning my teeth I retreat to my room to make my bed and open my curtains. I can't even see out of my window because of how dark it is outside. The sun normally rises in the next 10 minutes so I won't be walking up to the Bus Stop in pitch black. The cold is seeping through all my layers of clothing so I walk back downstairs to where the heater is. I find my Mum and Dad getting their breakfasts ready. My stomach growls slightly and I know that it is hungry but I remind myself of the breakfast that I have just had less than half an hour ago. I feel one of the cats rub up against my ankles and I give him a pat before sitting down on the couch and savouring the last few moments of relaxation i've got. 

"Are you ready to go Joan?" I hear my Mum ask me. "Yeah, I'll just wait for Thomas." I reply. "Okay, we will drop him off at school first and then get to your appointment." Mum says, sipping at her coffee. Wait, what? I ask what she means to which she tells me that my Blood Test is booked for today. Ugh. I hate the thought of having a needle poked into my veins, drawing out the blood that is meant to stay in my body. I huff at her and stamp all the way to the car. Mature, I know. At least I have the front seat. The heated front seat. I put my bag in the boot of the car and get in. It is a solid 5 minutes before anyone turns up. Mum, looking frustrated, followed by a panicking Thomas. Yep, mornings normally go this way. Thomas gets caught up in the world of virtual reality while he makes everyone late which then stresses everyone out until we are out the door. The drive to Thomas' school is a little awkward. The small talk is unbearable but I go along with it for the sake of keeping the silence at bay. We drop Thomas off and Mum toots the horn as we drive away. Ha, who's embarrassing now Thomas? Mum and I pull up to the Blood Test place and I reluctantly step out of the vehicle. Then the nerves start to kick in. My hands start to shake as we enter the building. A sign reads; 'We are experiencing a cue today, if you do not want to wait, here is a list of other places' to which it listed four places at least 15 minutes away from here or more. I looked into the waiting room to see 6 old farts waiting to be called. We sat down and waited, and waited and waited. Surprise! We waited some more. It seemed like a lifetime before we heard a Polish accent shout "Joan?" "Neale - Joan?" I stood up and took three deep breaths. 

We were led into a room by this peculiar lady. She was quite plump with curly glasses and rosy cheeks that looked like they could cook eggs. She laid out her instruments in front of her and proceeded to ask me many questions. She left nothing out, we could have been best pals after the stuff she asked about my life. She poked at my arm for a while, trying to find a vein. "Ah, vely guud vans." She said. Apparently, she was complementing my veins now. She checked that my name and date of birth was right and then she told me to relax. I looked away as she stabbed the needle into me. Umm...ow? She repeatedly told me to relax but I don't see how anyone could relax when someone is stabbing them with a needle. Apparently, she couldn't get anything so she had to call in her boss. In walked in a happy looking Filipino lady. I breathed a sigh of relief. Normally Filipinos can calm me and Dad is always saying how good they are with blood tests. I look away as she tells me to inhale. After a few seconds I start; "Can you tell me when you are going to put the needle in so that I-" the nice lady interrupts me, "All done." Alrighty then. The Polish lady then proceeds to tell me that now I need to do a urine test. That is where the line is drawn, woman. My eyes widen and Mum chuckles a bit. Now, I won't go into much detail but lets just say that my phone almost dropped into the toilet, I am now 2 dollars down and I got a drop in the tube. The rest fell back into the toilet somehow. It was what I would call a complete and utter failure. 

I arrive at school, half an hour late. And that is when I remember that I have a chemistry test in less than 20 minutes time. Oh God, why does everything always happen this way?