The Wardrobe (phan)

The Dream

Dan Howell glided his finger tips across the keys of his laptop like he often would a piano in other segments of his spare time, smiling with every final click of the mouse as he selected a virtual button which read "post". It was late, his roommate was asleep, and thus, the young adult had nothing but the comment section of youtube to express himself to at such an hour. Anything was better than paying a sliver of attention to the stacks of homework which had turned to dust collectors atop his dresser.

Dan's squinting brown eyes fixated upon the fluorescent white screen which within, displayed his favourite content creator: A twenty-two-year-old who seemed to possess an ability to make Dan laugh through mere pixels whilst residing on opposing ends of the country. To Dan's discovery, they appeared to enjoy the same films and music -- two qualities that resulted in further favouritism of AmazingPhil. it was as if they were meant to know each other and the lack of knowledge of Dan's existence on Phil's end soon became a frustrating realization to live with. Eventually, Dan knew that he simply could not do without seizing to befriend this extraordinary stranger from the internet. They had too much in common, it would be a missed opportunity not to try at the very least. And so, began, the birth of Phil Trash #1.

After weeks of persistent comments and tweets, seeking the youtuber's attention, Dan finally managed to achieve a Skype call at Phil Lester's request. At last, the man he'd looked up to for a couple of months had not only finally noticed him, but suggested a personal video chat between the two. This was Dan's chance to reel Phil in like a rare Pokémon. By the time of their scheduled meeting, the boy bottled up any anxiety and tried his best to impress. The virtual interaction could have gone more smoothly with less awkward remarks from Dan as he tried too desperately to act cool but aside from his dorkiness, the call ended as a success, leaving Phil genuinely interested in Dan, and Dan a prideful mess.

Over the course of time and more video chats, their acquaintance quivkly turned into friendship which strengthened progressively as months passed and more interests were made mutual. They spoke for hours, primarily about video games, school, music, and video making. Dan had explained to Phil his desire to be an entertainer for Youtube akin to Phil and how he lacked the confidence in knowledge of the primary theme of his potential content. Erelong, it was the 19th of October, 2009, the day Dan was scheduled on a cross-country train to Manchester. The idea of meeting Phil didn't feel real and thus, neither did the anxiety. He peered out at the unfamiliar northern scenery, calm and collective, imagining Phil's body finally in his arms. Four hours felt like forever in the little economy seat until finally, the intercom spoke.

"Good day ladies and gentlemen, our next stop is Manchester, Piccadilly Station in ten minutes".

This was it.

In ten minutes, Dan was going to meet Phil in person for the first time. Phil would no longer be a compilation of pixels in his laptop, but a real, breathing, feeling human being. He would be able to see the imperfections of his fair skin and hear his deep voice without the manipulation of a 2009 internet connection.

Akin to the speed of the train, Dan's heart sped as he began to doubt Phil's impression of him. Maybe Phil was really too cool for him all along, and he'd definitely made a poor wardrobe decision. He hoped the train would break down to buy him some time so that he may reassess himself as contrary to his initial belief, he wasn't ready. The train wasn't going to stop and he knew he had no time to be nervous -- not when he was four hours away from home and four minutes from Phil. Dan sucked it up because there was certainly no time to turn back now. Synchronized with the train, he slowed his thoughts down and the arrival to Manchester was announced. Dan began to feel hot in his hoodie, despite it being the middle of fall and the train lacking a proper heating system. He lingered nervously in his seat, watching as the passel of passengers stood up and wiggled their luggage down the narrow aisle. Dan soon followed behind at the boot of the line, consciously taking his time departing. He stopped and hesitated at the port until the fact that he couldn't see Phil straight away yet eased his feet to finally step down onto the concrete platform. That, and the attendant asking him more than once to dispatch was starting to sound peeved. He stared at the large slate of grey rock beneath him as the train finished collecting new passengers and went on its way. He felt awkward standing there, displayed in front of a scurrying crowd, so decided to slither through and lean against a wall.

Minutes passed and Dan had assumed Phil was late prior to remembering his text stating a fifteen minute premature arrival. Dan worryingly looked around once more through the now, sparse crowd but with no success, attempted to retrieve the text in order to confirm his memory. His slender thumbs, crumby from the bag of pom bears he'd bought in his wait, danced away at the virtual keyboard in search of Phil's contact.

"That's strange."

Dan squinted at his cellular device. He typed and opened and closed various apps. Alas, Phil's number was not to be seen, more less, a text history with the boy he'd spent so long chatting up to the point of inevitable friendship. His phone was brand new -- the latest iphone at the time -- there couldn't have been anything wrong with the gadget all of a sudden without some sort of warning or prior minor issues leading up to a full contact removal, and especially not now at such a desperate time. It was a high quality phone, with a flash for the camera and everything, he could even play Sims on the forsaken thing. There shouldn't have been such complications so early. He thought he should write a complaint to Apple in the heat of the moment. Dan was forced to retrace his steps, recalling a text conversation with Phil upon arrival to Manchester. They'd only exchanged numbers so recently, and although there wasn't a chance for Dan to have memorized the digits, he blamed himself regardless and slipped into a mild panic. He seemed to be left stranded with no options outside of facing his social awkwardness and asking for help.

He began with passers-by, whom, not to his surprise, could not be of any help. He, then, seeked the staff, beginning with the lady at the shop where he'd purchase the snack now tucked away in his back pocket. Dan was persistent in finding his friend and only succeeded in making the once-kind lady irritated with the constant rejection he put on her lack of information. He wouldn't stop. Even if he was stood up, for whatever possible, crazy, stupid reason, he needed to get home as he now had nowhere to stay in a city four hours away from home. The station started to become full again with a new train scheduled soon, making Dan's mission more stressful and amplifying his anxiety. Finally, he was able to approach a conductor standing by the loading dock.

"Excuse me," he reached for his attention, "I was wondering if you could help me as it appears that I've run into an emergency and need to go home right now," Dan clumsily unfolded his ticket.

"Aye, yew see those arrows on the wall, there?" the evidently northern conductor gestured across the station, "yew go tha

"Oh, um, I can't actually afford another ticket right now; could I possibly just exchange it for a sooner return date?"

"Yew can, but it'll still cost yew, mate."

Dan thought his voice really did sound posh compared to the older man he was having difficulty understanding.

He sighed in acceptance at the inevitably of requiring money to get home. He searched his phone once more for a trace of Phil as he walked into the swarm of people going toward the loading dock. It appeared as though Dan was trying to cut in the lines forming as he aimlessly attempted to wiggle out and the passengers became agitated with the lost and confused boy of intimidating height. He was pushed around and greeted with many stiff shoulders until one shoulder was too aggressive, shoving Dan back to the front of the crowd. His movement was unexpected, resulting in his foot to slip and back to lean until Dan found himself falling into the tracks.

The sound of dinging and red lights started to go off as he lay in unbareable pain stemming from his spine as the severe jabbing of thick metal rails impaired his movement. He yelled out of impulsion and began to weep until a new light appeared and his audience began to scream. Some may have flashed a picture or two, though it wasn't clear, all whilst Dan lay cold with his soggy tears feeling like ice against his skin.

The last thing his ears picked up was the conductor shouting at him before the sound of metal wheels scraping against the tracks claimed his remaining senses.