Letters to

Nico to Percy

Dear Percy,

I like you, but I hate you at the same time. Do you know why I trusted you so much? Because I knew you were loyal, Bianca was my whole world, my family. I trusted you to keep her safe. I knew you were a hero, a hero, I knew you would sacrifice to save her.

I don't know what happened. I forgive you though, even if I have never told you. I trusted you so much, I trusted you with my world, which was Bianca, she was my life. I basically trusted you with my life. Some days, I wish it was me who died, then I wouldn't have to suffer all this pain.

After being captured by the giants and put in the jar, I knew you would do everything to save me, I don't know why Percy. Loyalty, what a word. Why did you save me? Because of Hazel? Or did you feel like you had to because I was the boy you found in the school 4 years ago?

While I was in the jar, I only thought about you and Bianca. I never thought you would save me, I thought I would die soon. Percy, I really do appreciate that you saved me. I appreciate all of you, Frank, Hazel, Annabeth, Leo, Jason, and Piper.

When you fell into Tartarus, I blamed myself. If I could have just helped you to get up, I would have, but I was weak. Even if I wasn't loyal like you, I would have done everything to have helped Annabeth and you. It was for you, for you I tried my best to help the Argo II , it was for you but I could never have you. You and Annabeth. That's basically it. That's one of the biggest reasons why I left Camp Half-Blood. You treated me like a child. I had a crush on you for Tartarus' sake and you thought of me as a child.

I have so much to tell you, in the Labyrinth. You were, I don't know you were just, I kept escaping from you, I can't explain what I feel like when you're there. So I left, I could never tell you how I felt. The way I treated you, couldn't you see? Percy Jackson, can't you see how easy it is to fall for you? To have a crush on you? Its easy as breathing.

Your black hair, sea-green eyes, your loyalness, the way you speak, how you treat people. You didn't think of me as an outsider even if you just saw me. I can't seem to put into words the way I feel about you. I like you and hate you at the same time. I hate you for the way you make me feel, the way you do this to me. I hate you Percy Jackson.

At the same time, I hate you and I like you. I fall for you, I loathe you. I can't, I don't know. Can't you see? I'm messed up, my feelings for you, my thoughts about you. You drive me crazy, I know that sounds cliche. Yet, that's how I feel.

The other reasons I left Camp Half-Blood is because I wasn't accepted, you were only one of the people who actually accepted me, see why Percy? I left because I was alone, I didn't want to be without Bianca, she was always there for me. Why did you let her go? She was my guardian, my sister. At least you have your mother and your father actually likes you better than your other siblings, well, my father, he liked my sister better and it just hurts.

I hate you so much Percy Jackson, I am not a child. I had to grow up faster, faster than all of you. I wanted to grow up slowly, enjoy it. I had to spend my twelfth birthday alone. I was always alone when Bianca died. I got used to it, being in Camp Half-Blood didn't feel right without her, I left because of that.

Did you know when I was in the Hermes cabin, they told me stories of your quest, I remember when they told me about your first quest. On your first year in camp. Your trip to the Underworld, saving your mother, Las Vegas, facing Ares. I vaguely remember my time in the Lotus Casino, but I swear I saw you. Black hair, sea-green eyes, 12 years old?

Well, the point. You did everything to retrieve your mother back, atleast her body I guess? Well I tried to do that. I tried to find Bianca's body. I went to Hephaestus' junkyard. Guess what? I didn't find her.

Now that I think about it, its not all your fault. It was Bianca's too!! She wanted to be a hunter. Percy, I never told you this but I forgive you for breaking the promise. Promises can be broken too right? When I was in the jar, I thought maybe, I'll see Bianca but I remembered, she chose to be reincarnated. It hurt even more.

Did you know I sometimes went to the sea even if it was Poseidon's territory because it reminded me so much of you, the color of the sea were like your eyes. I could feel you there. That's where I felt nearest to you even if you were far away.

When I saw you in Camp Jupiter with Hazel, I was so thankful, because I saw both of the people who I really cared about, that which is still alive in the mortal world happy. Alive, in the same place. Where you cannot be touched, attacked. Where you could grow up.

The only thing I didn't want was for you to fall for Hazel, I love Hazel very much but I wanted you. When she was with Frank, I was thankful in more than one way. You know? There was another thing, you were in love with Annabeth, and I already told you, I just wanted you to be happy.

I left Camp Half-Blood so I would not be jealous of you, so you could be happy with Annabeth. I wanted to stay away from you, so I wouldn't hate Annabeth, after all she's done for me and all you've done for me, both of you deserve to be happy. I wish I could too.

Yours,

Nico di Angelo

P.S. Percy, this letter is very sincere. I'm sorry I couldn't Iris Message this or say this to you in person, I wish I could. I would have liked to know your reaction, but I don not have enough courage to actually tell all of this to you in person. I would've like to see your face when I told you all of this, but the thing is I would not want to either, this is the only way I could say this all to you. I hope this explains everything. 

I hope you understand that I did all of this, to keep me safe. To allow you to be happy. So I could be one less of your burdens. I hope you do Percy, I really do.  Please, do not mind me and care for me anymore, live your life. Be happy, enjoy life, because I want to too, I wish I could.