Beauty, Brains and Popularity

Part One

June 25, 2016

Sometimes, when I look in the mirror I see a mask. I see the person who I should be disguised as the person I actually am.

Does that make sense?

Ever since I could remember, I've always wanted to be somebody else. I wanted to be skinner, taller, prettier, smarter and more lovable. I remember spending hours a day staring at my reflection wondering when will I become beautiful. It still hasn't happened. Just this day, I looked at my mirror and froze. I saw a girl who's complexion was nowhere near the standards of someone who'd be considered beautiful, 20 extra pounds of doughnuts and sugar hanging over her pot belly, and dead, frizzy black hair.

I apologize if I sound a little depressing, this is just who I am. You cannot believe how many times I've told myself that I will change. There have been so many long, summer nights where all I could think about was how amazing I'd feel once I looked like the girl on the cover of a magazine. But, all of this is going to change, I promise.

I am just so damn tired of looking in the mirror and feeling unloved. I have never had a boyfriend and not that I need one or anything, but I really, really want one. Did that sound as desperate as it sounded in my head?

Whenever I think about wanting a boyfriend, I automatically think about Adam. He's this great guy I've had a crush on since forever. Not only is he kind and caring he's also one of my closest friends. I can tell him anything and we could talk about anything all night. But, I know he could never like me back. He's in love with this girl who I'm also really good friends with. She's the definition of beautiful. She has straight, black hair, a clear complexion and the perfect body. I could never compete with her. She's in a whole different league of beauty, brains and popularity.

But, this will not discourage me of my hope of becoming beautiful. This is just the beginning and this time my story will end with me being happy and not giving up.