TSZ Magazine: July 2016 (Issue #2)

It's Still Beautiful With All The Flaws

Warning: Opinion Article

by Mari (@mariquacoffin)

Losing someone that is close to you is hard, but losing someone close to you to suicide is unbearable. Questions that can never be answered will assault your mind and grief will overwhelm you. This grief, though, can grow to be guilt.

You feel responsible for their death and you start presuming that your love and care was not enough for them to stay; that everything that reminded you of them brings pain instead of happiness. Their memories are not the kind of memories you look back at and smile; they're the memories that will make you feel that these happy times you spent together weren't considered 'happy' by them.

The little ball of guilt in your bone will start spreading like cancer - except there's no cure for that. The life you were enjoying dims and you can't help but let the critical thought of 'it should have been me' pushing you to the next level of affliction - the 'what if'.

It doesn't stop there. The unanswered questions flooding your mind and possibilities for the reason they committed suicide turn into some kind of demon hunting you as you continue breathing. Nothing makes sense to you and you try to find out what happens until you're not contented with what you have anymore.

One day, you won't be able to stand it because it's beyond your mental capacity, so you'll end up committing the same crime that person has done. At the moment you're doing it, these thoughts you had when you received the news at first will not cross your mind.

According to some beliefs, committing suicide is a sin. It is an act of cowardice; not standing up against life's predicaments and choosing the easy way out is not considered valor. Some people would call it selfish because people who commit suicide only think of how it is better if they quit.

Anybody who has gone through so much pain, torment and anguish to consider suicide is someone who is very strong because they are still alive. It takes strength to carry on, and in fact, maybe more strength than they have got right now.

A person might not think it will be affecting anyone because nobody will care, but it will hurt a lot of people and it might as well be the cause of someone else's death. They wouldn't picture how much anguish the people they're leaving behind will have to go through.

Whether you're a parent who is fed up with all the responsibility you're stuck with, a teenager going through high school drama, or just anyone who feels that life has become a burden, just remember that there are others living with things that could actually kill them, but they didn't choose to quit life since they are already dying.

This is one way some people deal with suicide, though. Instead of locking all the feelings inside your chest and choosing to pretend you're fine, you might talk to someone you could trust - someone who is willing to support you through your grief. After all, these locked up emotions will do nothing but drive you up the hill.

"Suicide can be isolating as communities of friends each struggle differently to make sense of the loss they all experienced."

Leaving your emotions to pile up can get you isolated from everyone - physically, mentally, or even both. Get your mind off suicide by attending parties, meeting people, or even walking alone for an hour or two. Some people might find it comforting to scream, cry, or laugh it all out.

Look at the world around you and try to find things you have not yet experienced. You'll see that there is a reason to live and that there are people who still want to show you what your eyes were blinded from. Take care of yourself because you're a part of someone else's life - if you take that part away, you might drag another life with you.