The Girl Who Fell For The Nerd

Time to let go.

It was Valentine's Day the guy I had a date with had stood me up to go to a party. For that whole Valentine's day he chatted me up to go on this date with him, but at the very last minute he said that he had been invited to this party by another girl. He asked if I minded if he went. I replied with a no. We can always go on our date another time. After that I cried for hours watching romantic movies and comedies and dramas.

The next day my school had had winter break and i asked my friend if we could hang out. We hung out downtown got some coffee, gave each other our Valentine's and i told her what had happend. She was like oh what a dick head. He only wants to you to "play his trumpet" (A/N: If you don't know what that means. You don't have to lol)

Then that's when I started to right my wattpad story about my life. About how I was feeling and of course the first thing I wrote about was him. The guy who broke my heart on Valentine's day. I didn't expect for many people to see this story, but many people did.

Then the next day. That's when I sorta met my nerd. Sitting next to one of my greatest friends. Katie. At the time my dear nerd still really had a thing for Katie and I didn't really mind it. I didn't really actually know him then. :)

After Katie had heard what had happend that night. She told me that i should talk to him the nerd this morning that she sat next to that morning. She said that he had found me as cute. She had shown him this awful picture of me from freshman year homecoming. With my weird awkward phase of trying out make-up for the year. I didn't really like trying on make-up at the time but my mom told me I should. To be more of a "Classy Lady" I don't see how, but it does I guess haha and she had shown me a picture of him in his cute little panda onsie hugging a panda. I gotta admit it was cute.

That night eveyone of my friends said "text him! Text him!" And so I did. With a awkward little text message:

'Hey it's that weird girl from this morning. What's up?'

That's where it all began. We started talking for weeks. I met him every morning near the cafeteria, asked him out in a date, gave him gifts and stuff walked him to his class, and i know what you're thinking. 'Shouldn't he be doing all that stuff?' Yea. He should, but he was shy and broke and his parents didn't really let him do stuff.

Our first date was at a school fundraiser for the orchestra kids to raise some money for their program. My friend was there too. The theme was Juke Box Jingles. They had students working shifts and bringing food to the people who came and ordered food. He sat next to me for a good hour till his dad had brought him home. He held my hand for the first time. I felt something tingle when he held my hand. Before he left he gave me a hug and there was that tingle again. The rest of that night I had felt like I was on cloud nine. I was laughing and smiling for the rest of the night. I kept on thinking if it wasn't for Katie. I wouldn't have met this wonderful guy. This guy who at the time I thought was different.

Later that night I asked him "what are we?" He replies with "I'll tell you in Monday when we get back from the weekend." Of course I was so anxious to know all weekend. Kept on asking him if he could give me a clue each time he replied with something weird every time. Like: pancakes, waffles, Balloons, pandas, giraffe, etc. He wouldn't tell me.

I made him a Cootie Catcher making a little note asking if he would be mine, but in that monday he beat me to it. He asked me to be his girlfriend and I was thrilled and of course said yes! That weekend I met his family. His mom, step dad, step sisters and step brother along with his three dogs. That night my first kiss was in his room. Our second date was at his house. Watching a movie while cuddling on his bed. Our first I love you was on that date. Of course after I left his parents would yell at him for saying 'I love you too early.' But at the moment we didn't care. Well he did. He hated how his parents didn't exactly like me, but i didn't let that get to me yet.

Our third date was at the movies where I forced him to go watch the Alligent movie with Shaylene Woodley in it. We kissed cuddled and fed each other popcorn. I know how cute right?

He was the classic straight A student and I was the girl who slacked off homework and got like F's on her tests and quizzes. After spring break I decided to get a tutor, but he decides he wants to be my tutor. When my parents found out that I finally got a tutor they were soo thrilled.

Everyday after school I would go to his house. Instead of studying though we would just hang out, but when he started to talk less to me by our 2 month anniversary I started to have doubts. Like huge ones.

I started to self-harm over a guy. How stupid I know. I was stressing over how that I thought that he likes another girl. That was true. I wasn't good enough. That was true. His parents hate me. That was true. I wasn't pretty enough. At the time i thought it was true.

All my friends said. "Stop stressing and just TALK to him." But something told me on the inside. That jist talking wasn't enough. I needed a sign to see if he would actually run after me if I did something completely stupid.

I broke up with him, but just because I let him go. Doesn't mean that I broke up with him without feelings attached. They were still attached alright. I wrote him a whole letter full of lies. Telling him that I found our relationship boring. When everyday it felt like an adventure with him. Telling him that I didn't love him like that anymore. When in reality I loved him so much that I made a test to see how much he loved me not to let me go. Telling him that I still wanted to be friends. When in reality I wanted to be more than that. When I broke up with him. He let me go with a snap. He said okay so fast that I couldn't comprehend what was happening.

The moment I heard that he got himself a new girlfriend and hour later I was FURIOUS with him. I didn't know whether to kill him or tell him that it was all quiz. A game. Its not like I told him it was a test. It would change anything. He already said "I love you" to her. Oh yea that definitely stung. You know what else stung? That he cheated on me with some girl from miles away. Oh yea. That hurt a whole lot. You know what else stung? When the girl that stole my nerd. Wouldn't even admit what she did. Calling other people names. That are also called my friends. That she's threatening me and my friends. Telling me that I should go die, calling me an attention whore, calling my friend a cum rag. Calling all my friends asses. Oh how much I want punch that girl in the face.

He had asked me through her messenger. "Why would you miss a guy you neglected for over a month?" Oh how much I actually wanted to tell him the truth, but there I go again, becoming wooden as I fed him more lies. Stalling. Telling him how dumb he is for choosing his stupid girlfriend over his friends. Etc.

What hurt me most was that after all this. He didn't stop her from calling all of us that. All those names. That all this time she called me those names. I actually listened to her. I made one slice and instantly regretted it. Took me a long while to get over what happened. Then it took one song from the radio to make me realize. I don't need a guy. To tell me that I'm pretty, smart, or beautiful, to tell me that I am enough for me.

I just now realized that throughout our relationship he fed me lies as well. He said he loved me that he would never let me go. That I was beautiful and perfect through his eyes. That when he took off his glasses. He could see about 3 feet and during that 3 feet he wanted to see was me. That if I even tried to let go of him. He would chase after me in a snap, but I realize they were all lies. All he ever did was tell me all those things through text. He never told me how beautiful I was in person. He never told me how special I was to him in person. The guy i practically dated was practically online. As if he lived far far away and the guy I was dating in person. Wasn't even that guy I was texting. We're both wooden, but I'm the one with an actual heart.

Many of my friends said that I didn't need him to feel special. Took me a long time to sink that in, so why did I write this you may ask? I wrote this to have people see my actual point of view on all this. My real reason. How actually felt in all this. Many people didn't really see my side or that I didn't tell people.

I needed to let go somehow and this is how I did it I wrote down what had happened through me. Through my words. Those of you read this all the way through. Thank you. Thank you to my friends who have helped me through the pain that he has caused.

I'm no longer drowning. I'm swimming and foating. To the shore. No longer in that salty water. Now in the fresh lake water swimming with out any salt water in my eyes or system. It feels nice. I'm actually kinda happy in a long time. Let's try to keep it that way.