Helpless- A Lams Modern AU Fanfiction

Chapter Six

John's Perspective

A few weeks later, Alex and I are sitting in his apartment, watching Once Upon a Time. It's Peggy's favorite show, and she got us hooked. Alexander and I are snuggling on the collapsing couch.

In the past few weeks, Alex and I have really gotten closer. We've talked about everything (well, almost everything) and know all of each other's likes and dislikes. For example, I know that he hates macaroni and cheese, horror movies, and badly written mystery novels, but loves pretzels, classic literature, and harbors a secret passion for Disney movies.

Today has been an incredible day. We had no school today, so Alex and I went out to breakfast (where I ordered hot chocolate) and took a long walk through the woods. We had a picnic and I fell asleep on his shoulder, and now we're at his house, watching bad TV and cuddling.

"You're so nice for letting me crash here all the time," I say, wrapping my arms around Alex.
"But of course," he says, giving me a kiss on the cheek. "How could I say no to the cutest boyfriend ever?"
"I always wanted a boyfriend like you," I say, smiling into his shirt. "You're so amazing."

The drama on the TV suddenly crackles out to be covered by a news broadcast.
"Breaking news," the reporter from Channel 9 calls on the screen. "Tropical Storm Miranda is heading towards southern New York. Do not leave your homes or attempt to drive. Please stay indoors."

Alex leaps off the sofa and out of my arms. He seems to disappear, and I hear the door slam a moment later. I jump to my feet and race after him.

The rain is icy and coming down hard, and I shiver and curse myself for not taking an umbrella. It's dark outside, but for a few flickering streetlights. The streets uptown are quiet, without the usual cars rushing by.
"Alex? Are you out here? Alexander!" I can hear the panic in my voice, which is rising to a higher pitch as I tear through the side streets, searching for him.

I finally see a figure in the dark, standing by a streetlight. I can tell it's Alex from the way he stands. When I get a little closer, I can hear something over the sound of the wind. It's like the whimpering of a dog or the soft mewl of a cat.

I've never heard Alex cry before. It's one of the saddest sounds I've ever heard. He's just standing there, rain soaking his clothes and his hair and even his skin, but it doesn't seem to bother him. He's sobbing hard and his fists are clenched, and he's saying something.

"I can't do this. I can't go through this. Not again. Not again!"

I walk slowly towards him, the way you would approach a wild dog or a stranger. "Alexander," I say softly, keeping my voice low. "Alex, come with me."

He seems to be in a trance, but I take his arm and he walks next to me. We get to the apartment, and Alex sits down on the floor.
"Are you okay?" He's making me nervous.
"I don't- I can't-" Alex seems to crumple, pulling his knees to his chest and buries his head in his hands.

I rub his back and pull him close until he stops shaking. He looks up, and I try not to gasp in shock. There are tears running down his cheeks, and his face is red. I give him a hug.
"Are you okay?"
"No, I'm not okay." He wipes his eyes. "I'm sorry, John. It's probably just a thunderstorm, and I'm overreacting."

"Want to talk about it?" I offer, not trying to press him but rather to let him get something off his shoulders. After all, I have my own problems going on.
Alex sits up a little, leaning against me. "Last year, in Nevis, there was this tropical storm that practically destroyed the island. I was alone and stuck in a basement for four days. I had been doing research in the library basement when people started to leave, and they forgot about me."

His voice hitches, but he continues anyway. "When the storm was finally over, I was starving and practically going insane. I walked outside, and...I couldn't even recognize my town.

"There was rubble everywhere, filling the streets. Almost all of the buildings were either broken or just gone, like they had vanished in a puff of smoke. But this wasn't some kind of sick magic trick. No one was going to come back to my town and look for me, because there was no one left."

A sob escapes Alex, and he closes his eyes, but keeps talking. "I walked three towns over to find one with an orphanage. I begged them to let me stay, just for a while. They gave me food and a place to sleep. I slept for two days. When I woke up, the only thing I knew was how much work I had to do.

"I borrowed a stack of paper and a pen. I wrote about my whole experience. I ran out of ink three times, but I got another pen and I kept writing. I needed to write everything down that I had seen, to get it all out of me."

He seems to feel a little better now. His eyes are red and there's a tear sliding down his face, but he's not actively crying anymore.

"The foster family I was with saw it. They put it online, and they made a GoFundMe page to send me to America and get a good education. I was living with my cousin, but...that didn't work out. Now I'm on my own, but I can't shake the memory of that awful walk through town alone."

Alex breaks down now, and I pull him close again. He's shaking with silent sobs, and I can feel his heartbeat fluttering like the wings of a delicate hummingbird.
"Shh, Alex. It's alright. You're going to be okay. Just breathe."

He gives a strangled little gasp and then says something under his breath that I can't hear. I can't tell if he's cursing or praying or maybe even just crying.
"What?" I ask, trying to make my voice quiet.
"I said I love you."

Everything in my mind goes blank for a second, then rushes back with full force. He said he loved me. He loves me. Alex loves me.
"I love you, John Laurens," he repeats, his voice steady now. "I love your freckles and your smile and your obsession with your turtles."
I take his hand in mine. We're still sitting in the hallway on the floor, probably the weirdest place for a declaration of affection. "Alexander Hamilton, I- I love you too."

We're both crying now, wrapped in an embrace on the cold tile of the floor. I can hear the rain pouring down outside. The walls in the apartment are thin, but we feel safe together. Outside, wind whips and the branches of trees fall to the ground, but right here, we are the eye of our own storm. Nothing can get us, as long as we sit here, happy and sad and in love and together.