The Urbem (Completed)

Chapter Twenty: Unexpected Hero

(Nephele)

To be honest, I don't know why I did it. It was never my intention to kill Zira, but when she tried to deceive me, my resolve snapped then, followed by the heat of the fight, I lost self-control. Not only that, but I think I had pent up frustration from waking up and finding Imara missing; it scared me that I couldn't hear him in my mind any more and I had this horrible thought the Insurgo would find it funny to take him away from me. 

So of course I went searching for Lyra, eventually finding her, but she wasn't alone and so a fight ensued and I ended up killing my once-best friend. When Lyra was talking to me after the the battle and I took away some of the weapons from the girls' dead bodies, it was quite a struggle to hide the guilt I was feeling, but I managed to do it. 

However, now I was back in camp. Lyra had left me to my own devices and Imara was not around to make me feel whole, so the guilt was eating away at me like a hungry tiger. Perhaps I should have just knocked her out or tied her up... Or something... Anything but kill her. 

I wandered back down to the somewhat quiet lake, ignoring the men who were bathing far out in the waters and pulled all the blades I had stolen from them before dropping them into the liquid one by one to clean them. It was supposed to be some kind of ritual thing, and the guilt was supposed to wash away like the blood, but instead it didn't really work and I ended up aiming them out into the water in frustration. 

 "Imara," I complained quietly, "I need you back here." 

I'll admit I was expecting to hear his deep and wise voice in my mind, but nothing came and it actually made me feel worse than before. I can't explain it really; when an Animus link is closed off, It's confusing.. .I could still feel his presence in my soul, so it wasn't like heartache or having half your soul missing... Its more like an awful longing and desperation to see them again, like my hands weren't happy because they couldn't reach out and touch his fur and my mind wasn't happy because I couldn't talk to him. I shuddered; I couldn't imagine life without Imara. In this short time he had already come to mean more to me than anything else. Maybe even more than my mother. 

The sudden thought of my mother gave me his strange idea that I wanted to go back to Uxor-Russia, not to go past the gates, but just to see it; see where I was born all those twenty-one years ago. I got up and went back into camp. I wasn't exactly sure of the way, but I knew that I was lead in from the other side of camp, so that must be the direction I should head. I managed to get through the rebels without running into Lyra or being asked where I was going, which was nice and soon enough I was wading through thick shrubbery, hoping this was the right way. As I walked, my brain was warning me to turn around and go back. After all, I had no idea where I was going; I knew, from when I was captured, it takes at least a day and half to walk from camp to Russia and I had no weapons to defend myself should someone find me. 

I argued with myself though that this would be the only chance I got to back there without putting Imara in risk; if someone did find me and I was killed, this would be the only time they could kill me without Imara feeling the initial pain... Right? Either way, I told my conscience to shut up and I carried on walking. 

It had been maybe four hours of silence and I hadn't really gotten very far. It was getting colder and the ground was starting to show signs of frost, which possibly meant that I was getting close to Uxor-Russia, but I hadn't been this close to a Russian winter in what felt like forever... And let me tell you, my Insurgo clothes were not at all built for weather such as this. I was freezing. 

I think even my fingers had turned blue,but it was the pure desire to prove the 'you won't make it' side of me wrong. Well, that, and I really wanted to see my old home. Perhaps it was because I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts, or perhaps my game was just off, but either way I didn't notice the two Uxors approach me from behind.