demons » joshler

3

sometimes josh thinks about suicide.

well, everyone does. that's just a fact of life. tyler does too, probably, if you look at his lyrics it's all obvious. 

it's just-

well-

he doesn't want to say it. not out loud. he doesn't even want to think it, doesn't want to form that conscious thought.

anyway-

once upon a time, there was a boy named josh. joshua william dun. he liked drums, he liked music, and he liked boys. josh was sixteen.

the boy in question was also sixteen, but he liked sports, he liked video games, and he liked girls.

josh fell in love.

sorry, is that too forward? fine. josh thought he fell in love. and maybe he did, maybe he just doesn't want to admit to himself that true love could hurt so much.

josh told the boy. he went up to him, stuttered and blushed through a hello, and stared at his feet as the boy said hi back.

i think, josh said then, i kinda like you. d'you wanna go on a date?

if all had gone right- or even neutral- the boy would've said yes, or at the very least let him down gently.

the boy stepped back, looked him up and down, and slowly a disgusted look grew on his face.

gross, he remarked, upper lip curling, and asked josh if he was one of those. y'know, fags? you like it up your butt or somethin'?

cause if you do, the boy clarified, that's fuckin' disgusting. don't- gross. don't touch me. 

and he jumped back, recoiled, as if josh was made of poison.

and from that moment on, he was.

when josh ran home, blinded with tears and grief (cause he thought he was in love, he was so sure-) he knew exactly what he was going to do.

and it's obvious by now, isn't it?

josh went for the pills, his dad's pills. he went for the alcohol too, cause why not, at least he wouldn't die sober.

he was convinced that life couldn't go on after this.

and he was almost right. life- for him- almost stopped right there.

but he woke up in the hospital. and from that moment on, josh vowed he wouldn't ever fall in love again.

and if he ever did, he'd make sure the pills worked.