recovery // markiplier

four.

It seemed like years since Mark last left his room, but it only lasted about two more hours.

Mark eventually left the depressingly dark bedroom and went down the stairs to get a glass of water as his mouth was rather dry.

Mark took notice that Bob and Wade were still there, as well as Mandy and Molly. Also, surprising Mark in the slightest, Felix and Marzia were also there.

Felix saw Mark and stood up, he walked over to Fischbach and hugged him. Mark hugged back and the hug lasted a while.

Mark didn't cry. He'd already cried too much.

When the hug finally ended, Felix gave Mark a very knowing and understanding look. Felix was very close to Jack as well as Mark, so it affected him greatly as well.

Jack's death affected everyone, of course, but extremely so for Mark and Felix.

Felix put a hand on Mark's shoulder for about half of a second, his arm dropping to his side afterwards.

"How are you doing, Mark?" Felix asked.

"Well," Mark said, "You know..."

"Yeah..." Felix said with a sigh, "This... this sucks."

Mark nodded, looking down at his fidgeting hands.

"I know you guys were really close," Felix said.

Mark looked up at the Swedish man, "Dude, he cared about you so much," Mark said, "He always told me how cool it was to be friends with you. How you gave him a shoutout, and how close you two were. He was so happy that you cared."

"He talked to me a lot about you, too, Mark," Felix said, "He was so ecstatic to be friends with the Markiplier."

Mark chuckled, tears forming in his eyes, "That means a lot to know that."

"It means a lot to hear what you said, too," Felix replied.

"He was such a good person," Mark said, "I just wish he were still here, so I could tell him how much he means to me. I didn't tell him that enough."

"Don't beat yourself up over it," Felix said, "It's not your fault."

The more Mark thought about it, the more upset he got over it, "I wasn't good enough. Maybe he didn't think that he could talk to me about it. Maybe he thought I didn't care enough?"

"Mark," Felix said, "Stop."

Mark's eyes began to water up and he looked everywhere but at Felix, "I just want him to be here."

"Me too," Felix said, "But you should really come in and see everybody. They're worried."

"I might," Mark said.

"You will," Felix corrected, "Marzia and I are going to be leaving soon. I just wanted to see how you were doing..."

Then Felix practically dragged Mark into the room with everyone in it, and Mark sighed. He looked around the room. Bob, Wade, Felix... he expected to see Jack next. It was weird for him not to be there. He was always a part of what they did.

Everyone knew how much Mark was hurting. They were hurting, as well, but they had to keep their heads up, Mark did, too. That's what Jack would've wanted.

"Everybody's gonna leave soon," Ryan told Mark.

Mark nodded and wiped his eyes.

He talked to everyone and said his goodbyes to them all. He hugged everyone, as well.

Everyone soon left, and then it was just Matt, Ryan and Mark.

Mark sat on the couch and took out his phone. He opened Twitter and decided to tweet something.

Hey guys. Sorry I've been away from videos for a while, but it'll be a little longer. Thanks for understanding.

The word of Jack's death had spread. Now nearly everyone that cared about Jack, whether it be his friends, family, or fans, now knew about Jack's passing. Everyone was very upset. It makes sense as to why they would be. Their loved one wasn't around anymore! It was hard for everyone, Mark included, to accept that he was actually not coming back.

Mark sighed after he put his phone on the table. He ran his fingers through his red hair. Ryan sat next to Mark, and Matt sat next to Ryan.

Mark got up after they sat down next to him. He just wanted to be alone. He always wanted to be alone anymore.

But Ryan followed.

"Mark, let us help you," Ryan began, Mark cutting off his train of thought.

"No!" Mark screamed, quieting Ryan, "You can't help!"

"M-Mark we want to he-"

"You can't help!" Mark repeated, "Jack is gone, and there's nothing any of us can do about it! The thing that would help me most is Jack coming back, but he's not going to. He's fucking dead. Stop trying to help me. I don't need your pity."

"Goddammit, Mark!" Ryan yelled, "It's not going to get better if you don't let it!"

Mark just looked at Ryan before walking away. He went to his room and squeezed his eyes shut. He sat on the floor in front of the door and held his knees up to his chest. He put his face facing his knees and cried. He cried so much. He was tired. He was always tired.

His mind raced. Thoughts of Jack were clouding it. The way Jack could always brighten up someone's mood with his positive attitude. Maybe his attitude towards himself wasn't positive enough to keep him around longer.

It was in that moment that Mark realized he couldn't be truly happy again. Not without Jack.

Mark thought his own life was worthless. He realized he wasn't important, and if he were to disappear, he didn't believe anyone would notice, which was very untrue.

He got up, wiped his tears, and went into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind him.

*trigger warning*

Mark opened the cabinet and saw a razor that he saved just in case he wanted to shave his facial hair. He picked it up and broke it off, his fingertips becoming the slightest bit bloodied from the sharp metal object.

He never thought he would ever subject himself to this, but it just felt right.

He cut his wrist once. It didn't hurt as much as expected. He cut again, then started cutting quicker until he was sobbing and dropped the razor on his feet, scratching them up in the slightest as well.

He fell to the floor and curled up in a ball. He was sobbing and he gripped his arm where he'd cut it.

Now, he was never the type to get depressed, anxious, suicidal and so on, but Jack's recent death caused him to be just that.

He didn't want to exist anymore.

/a/n im good at making things really sad

sorry