Still Waters

Chapter 37

"What's wrong?" He sat back down next to me, on top of the covers, but didn't get back under.

"I just...couldn't sleep. Too much on my mind I guess."

"Like what?"

"Like...Collin..." I looked over at him. He looked back at me, gentle southern hospitality mask immediately falling back into place. His face always went expressionless whenever I said Collin's name. "...and the baby...his baby..." I looked down again, not sure if I wanted to get into it with Kenney that night, which was sure to happen if I said too much. "...and what I'm going to do... and where I'm going to live..."

As always, he jumped on the chance to talk about anything that he could do something about. "You can live here, Tashi. I already told you that."

"I know but...after the baby is born..."

Kenney had begun to reach out for me, but slowly pulled his hand back and kind of scooted away. "After the baby's born...what...?"

"I mean...I don't know." I really didn't. There were just too many variables running through my head, and none of them were good.

"After the baby's born you can still stay with me. I don't mind."

Kenney was so sweet. I loved Kenney. I may have even been falling for him again just that quick, actually, which is why it makes absolutely no sense that I said what I said next.

"But...it's Collin's baby..."

"And?"

"And...I'll probably eventually have to go back to him. Because it's his...I mean, he's my baby's father. I can't just not have him in my life..." Realizing what I had just said, I hastily corrected myself. "I mean in the baby's life. I can't just not have him in the baby's life."

"I heard you the first time."

"Kenney..." I reached out to touch his face. He moved my hand. "I just...I'm so lost. So so lost..."

"I know." He ran his hand compassionately over my hair and pulled me to him.

"Kenney, he's my best friend. I just can't believe he doesn't want me anymore." I started to cry and Kenney actually held me tighter. I knew for sure he was going to push me away after I said that, but he didn't.

"Shoot, Tashi. I'm your best friend."

"You are?" I looked up into his eyes. They were both calming and turbulent. Like a wave. Honestly, I thought he had written me off over a year ago.

"Yeah, girl. You ain't know?" I smiled up at him. "I don't think that son of a bitch even likes you, if you want to know the truth." I didn't. I didn't want to hear any of that. He knew this, too, and hugged me closer to soften the blow. "I'm afraid he's going to kill you one day, Tashi, sincerely. Why in the hell would you go back to a fool like that?"

"Because I'm pregnant. And I'm scared. And I have to go home at some point." I pulled away from him and looked into his eyes again. They were more understanding than I would have ever imagined. "I do."

"No, you don't. I'll take care of you Tashi. You know I will."

"You will?"

"Of course."

"But when the baby comes..."

"I love you. I gotchu. Anything you need. Anything. I mean," he brushed lightly at my tears, "you're my dawg right?"