Star Wars Rebels: When Hope Is Lost

Chapter 18: Failure

Everybody erupted, running for their stations as alarms sounded all over the ship. Kanan sprinted for the turret guns. Was this what his feeling had been warning him about? An Imperial attack? But somehow, Kanan doubted it. He didn't have the kind of connection to the Force that Ezra did, he couldn't usually sense when something was about to happen. No, this was something else. Was it something to do with Vader? Maybe.... but maybe not. 

His comlink crackled. "Commander.... hit.... Status report...." It all came through in bits of static as he was running. 

One sentence came out clear. "We've lost our hyperdrive!" One of the smaller ships' Captain yelled. Kanan climbed up the ladder to the turret, taking the rungs two at a time. He reached the top and swung into his seat, gripping the controls. 

"Copy that!" Someone else called. Commander Sato. "Prepare to dock with us! Command ship to Ghost, cover us!"

"Yes sir!" Hera said into her comm. "Ghost crew, prepare for evasive action! We're covering the command ship!" 

"Alright!" came the various replies from the rest of the crew, but Kanan wasn't paying attention anymore. His head was spinning and his sight was blurring. He knew what that meant. A vision. But this was one of that strongest ones he had ever had. And he hadn't had many in his lifetime. 

"Kanan? Do you copy?" someone called through his comm, but he didn't hear it. The voices and chatter on the comm all around him were fuzzy, disoriented. Everything was. His hands lost grip on the controls.  

He felt himself falling and was out before he hit the ground. 

Two boys. 

One looked like him, the other completely different. 

Two teenagers. 

Both headstrong, both with incomparable heart. 

Two Padawans.

Dev, his son.

Ezra, the boy who was LIKE a second son. 

Two boys.

One dead physically.

One dead in heart. 

He saw them both, aboard the Ghost, training. Impossible, of course; they had never met, even though they were around the same age. Besides; Dev was dead. He had died when the Empire had burned Tarkintown.

They had their lightsabers ablaze, the Force strong in both of them. But something was wrong. Both of them had unnatural, glowing yellow eyes. 

Those were the eyes of those devoted to the dark side. 

"Dev, Ezra." Kanan started towards them, but found he could not move. No matter how hard he tried, he was stuck. Unable to help his boys. "Snap out of it."

They turned to him. The fury in their eyes was unmistakable. Kanan found himself terrified. 

"You left me," Dev growled. 

"You abandoned me," Ezra growled. 

"That's not true," Kanan shook his head. His worst nightmares were coming true. 

"Did you think I was dead?" Dev laughed hollowly. "I'm far from it. I didn't burn in that fire. I escaped."

Kanan's breath caught. Is he really alive? Or is this a trick?

"You left both of us for dead," Ezra said, rage in his voice. "Now it's your turn to be left that way. Except you really will be dead."

They both started towards him, footsteps echoing on the floor. Suddenly the floor sank beneath them, metal and stone turning into black ash.

"Hold on a minute! Stop!" Kanan cried. He still couldn't move. Ash and soot now covered his feet. 

It was too late. They had reached him. He watched in horror as the two blue lightsabers impaled him, both blades stabbing him in the heart, both physically and metaphorically. His heartache at what his boys had become was far too real. 

"Kanan?" someone called. He didn't reply. His gaze was focused on the two pairs of yellow eyes in front of him. He was haunted by the look in both pairs. 

He slumped to the ground, all too defeated. Voices called his name: His dead Master, all the other dead Jedi, his crew, and now Dev and Ezra's voices joined the fray, calling him from the peace of the Force. 

He was done fighting it. 

He was ready for death.

After all, without his sons, what was the point of staying alive? He had failed everyone he had ever known anyway. His Padawans were simply the last failures his mind could handle. 

He had failed the Jedi.

He had failed Master Billaba. 

He had failed his crew.

He had failed Dev.

And now, he had failed Ezra.

He shut his eyes. 

"Kanan?" He was called again. This was a new voice, one he hadn't heard in a long time.

Reluctantly, mostly out of curiosity, Kanan opened his eyes. A green figure eyed him, his head tilted, watching him. 

"Master Yoda?"

I guess Kanan isn't so tough after all. :( Feels again? Try Broken Arrows by Daughtry. Always a good one. 

I'm trying to update this story as much as I can guys. I'm on vacation for the last two weeks of July, so I will write a bunch then, but will not have Wifi for most of the time. But I'm hoping to wrap up this story before the end of the summer, so I can finish up some stories I put on hold and work on a new series I started drafting a few months ago, so expect more updates! Especially now that it's summer. :) 

PS: Follow me on Instagram. Username: ezraandkanan 

May the Force be with you,

-LothalRebelUltraFan