Broken Bonds

Chapter 2: Concealer Blues

I ran out of concealer today, the good stuff anyway. Wrenley was staring at my fading bruises, curious as always.

I don't straighten my hair today. I let the black curls fall over my face to hide the ugly fading green marks. I don't have time to go to the store, so I just have to deal.

I haven't seen Wrenley for a while, which means Nox hasn't been around either. I don't have dinner with the pack anymore. They just assume I'm shacked up with some male wolf and that's fine. They can think what they want.

Teagan stops by every once in a while; in fact, she's walking into my den now. She worries about me.

"You must have run out of coverup I see."

She knows about my bruises, how I want to feel deep pain for the wrong doings in my life. If Nox knew, I know he would put an end to it, but Teagan understands, so she doesn't say a word and I'm grateful to her.

"What do you want Teag." I've become short with her over the years.

She's snorting, shaking her head. "Just checking up on you. You don't look like you've been eating. You're not starving yourself again are you?" Her voice his full of nonchalance, but I can hear the worry.

I lost my best friend and then my would be mate within a week of each other. That can do things to a person.

I know I should let go, but I can't. It's impossible for me, but I cover it up the best I can.

I tried to find him for a while, tried to reach out, but I gave up. I covered up my inner pain with outer pain.

It's been a couple of weeks since my last beating. I think I'm due for another, my inner pain is seeping out of the bandaids I cover it with.

"Can you call Reed?" She already knows what I mean. I contact him through her because if not I would be asking him to come daily and she has to draw the line somewhere.

"I saw him the other day. He's been pretty busy, but I will try." She's friends with him in a way, if you consider friends with benefits actual friends. She can't get any action in our pack because Nox would beat any wolf senseless for coming near his 'untouched' baby sister.

I'm not sure how it started, this cycle of pain. Hurt, self destruct, beat, heal, hurt... It just continues on like this and it has for the past two years at least. Reed is only my latest abuser.

Tomorrow, he will officially have been gone for 3 and a half years, or so my Calendar says. Time doesn't seem too relative to my brain, to me I still feel like I did the day he left.

I'm shameful.

"Do you think he could get here by tomorrow? I really need him to meet with me tomorrow." 

"I will do my best."

She leaves not long after that and I don't leave my den until it's time to meet the next mother. Wrenley.

She can see my bruises clearly today. She's itching to ask me about them, but she keeps her mouth shut. I do a quick examination. I don't want to look at these babies, these gifts, for long, especially with the way Wrenley's eyes stare, burning holes into my bruises.

She's gone in no time and my stomach is growling it's hunger at me. I decide to eat today, but not with the pack. I grab my keys, hop in my old truck, his, old truck. It doesn't smell like him anymore, no matter how hard I've tried to keep his scent enclosed in this space. Now it only smells like me.

I drive to the diner in town. I sit by myself. They haven't seen me here in a while. The waitress is looking on in concern and I remember I'm not wearing makeup today. She obviously thinks I'm being beaten, which I am, only I'm asking for it, begging for it.

She brings me my coffee. The only one true love left in my life. Next I receive a larger than normal helping of fries and a big burger. I only eat half before I'm asking for a box. She brings two, one with cherry pie. She thinks it's my favorite, but it's not. It's his favorite. I only got it for him, but now when she gives it to me I leave it on the kitchen counter, a freebie for anyone who wants it.

I stop by the convenience store and buy three tubes of concealer, not the good stuff, but it will work until I have the time to drive farther. I have too many pregnant wolves on the verge of giving birth right now.

I'm stopped by someone on the way out. "Trixy? I almost didn't recognize you. Your hair looks so different." It's a friend of Lillian's.

I really don't have anything to say so I pretend I don't know her. I cover up my face and keep walking until I make it to the safety of the truck. I throw on my sunglasses now and start to drive.

I don't head straight home. I stop a few miles from our territory at the field we used to park in to watch the stars. There's no stars out now and the path in the lavender that used to be cut out by the trucks tires is gone now, plant regrowth taken over our spot. I don't drive into it. I just park and gaze out into this place with such happy memories.

I go blank after that. I don't remember how I got home. I don't remember a thing and when I wake up I find that Teagan had pulled through for me, so I can begin my cycle all over again.