One Hundred Sleepless Nights (Vic Fuentes fanfic)

New Pain to distract from the Old

KATRINA'S POV

I slid my usual band bracelets down my arm and brought the blade down on my wrist. Three quick slices. Blood slowly started seeping through the long slits. Holding my arm straight out to the side of me, I watched the crimson liquid drip off my skin and onto the concrete.

The whole time, I never tore my gaze away from the self-inflicted wounds. It probably seems crazy to cut myself right after getting hurt, but it helped. I remembered something a boy had once told me. I had just run away from the damned foster home and was defiantly not used to be completely on my own.

Tears slipped down my cheeks at the pain. I was jumping a fence, but slipped and got cut by the sharp metal at the top. A long, deep wound that ran down the inside of my palm. It stung so bad and the pain was only multiplied when I flexed my fingers.

A boy approached me. What did he want from a malnourished twelve year old with no money? He bent down to where I sat curled up on the dirty pavement. In a quick motion, the boy whipped out a butterfly knife and held out my arm. I gasped as he swiftly cut my skin. Blood quickly spilled out and I stared in horror.

Was he trying to kill me?

He wasn't much older than me, probably fifteen years old. But there was an old and wise look that flashed through his dark eyes when he smirked.

"Sweetheart, just a little new pain to distract from the old"

His voice was cocky and dangerous. Before I could protest the statement, he stood up and strode away. Looking down at the fresh, bloody mark in my arm, I realized he was right.

New pain to distract from the old.

I never forgot those seven words. So simple, but held more knowledge than any book you could find.

I owed that boy my life. When my mom gut me like a fish, the only thing that allowed me to return to the hotel room was burning a cigarette into my leg dozens of times. Luckily, it didn't scar, but I never forgot what I felt like to pile more wounds onto the agony I was already in.

But the new pain was always better. You were in control of it. How deep, deadly and if it would even end all the pain completely. I liked to be able to have just a little control in my fucked up life.

Coming back to present time, I saw that my wrist had caused a small puddle of blood to form underneath where I held it out. Damn, a bit deeper than I had intended. Nonetheless it was still therapy.

I just sat there in the middle of the skatepark for a while, watching my arm bleed. After it dried, I stood up and started collecting my things is lost when I fell. My entire forearm and so of my rubber bracelets were stained with the sticky red substance, sorta gross if you think about it. I would have to clean it up immediately when I got home.

Rolling my board forward on the smooth pavement, I jumped on it and took the route back home. Quite a bit more carefully, I might add. My head still hurt like a bitch, but the deep stinging feeling etched into my wrist distracted me from it.

Who was I kidding, everything hurt. My knee hurt from the scrape I acquired from the effective use of gravity. The blood from that had gone onto my jeans a little, but thank god they were black. My palms hurt from when I held out my hands to try and break my fall. My heart hurt from all the events of today and yesterday. Not physically, but sort of a pain I made myself. I doubted it was actually a feeling, but more of something I convinced myself that I should feel.

I was also just exhausted, and hadn't slept properly in weeks. Nightmares always made sure of that. God, I was just slowly fling apart. I'm such a fucking mess. Honestly, why the hell does anyone put with me?

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When I got close to the house, I got off my board and walked, being careful to avoid windows. Since the garage door was now closed, I just tossed my skateboard in a random bush and made a mental note to not forget that it's there.

Creeping back to where the balcony stood, I took a deep breath. There was about a ten foot distance between me and the tall jump I'd have to make. One more deep breath and I sprinted forward. One perfectly timed leap later, and I hung by my fingertips on the very bottom of the balcony.

After swinging from side to side for a little bit, I managed to get high enough to hook one of my feet on the balcony. Dragging the rest of my body up, I climbed in the railing, then the roof. Being careful to take quiet step so no one would hear me, I slipping into my room from the window.

After exchanging my ripped and slightly blood-stained jeans for running shorts, I walked over to the bathroom. Technically it was all mine, but Frenchi and Stephanie used it when they visited. The guys were divided up between two other bathrooms. Which was good because they were all insanely messy and probably never cleaned either of them.

Sitting on the large counter, I held my arm under the faucet, wincing at the stinging it caused. I dried off the skin around the wound and wrapped my wrist tightly with gauze. Swinging my legs up to the sink, I did the same with my scraped knee, sticking on two neon pink band-aids when I finished cleaning it.

As for the migraine in my head, I swallowed five more of the prescription pain pills I had found earlier. I already knew I was way more than I should have taken, but was still surprised at the tiny high they gave me. Time seemed to move slower than usual and I just felt totally out of it. I felt like I was floating and rocked side to side without realized it.

Barely able to walk, I stumbled over to my bed, collapsing on top of the blankets. Everything went black.