I'll Be Thinking Of You All The While

An Explanation of Death

I take a few deep breaths as my father brings in yet another human for me to drain. My growing baby bump has tripled in size in just 2 and a half short months. Christian is still gone and it still hurts, but my Mother and Father are still here and always will be.

Once the man is dead, my father drags him away. I pick up my phone and I see a missed call from a blocked ID. I bite my lip then I look for my mother. I press it and hold the phone to my ear. It rings and I wait for a few moments. Then suddenly-

"Hello?" My heart stops and my eyes well up with tears.

"Christian?" He inhales sharply. "Evie," he breathes. I put a shaky hand over my mouth and tears spill over as I close my eyes.

"How are you doing?" I open my eyes. "Um... I'm fine. Dr. Belmonte is optimistic. He says that I'm doing very well."

"That's good. Do you know the genders yet?" I smile. "A girl and a boy." He exhales shakily. "How are they?"

"Healthy. I have to take in a lot of blood, but they're okay."

"Are you okay?" I bite my lip. "There's a little bit of pain, but nothing I can't handle."

"Don't lie to me." I blink rapidly. "I'm not-"

"Evie, you sound weak. What is it?" I swallow. "Dr. Belmonte told me that the babies are still taking more than they need." He sighs. "And that means?" I swallow nervously. "They're probably going to be born premature. He has to do a c-section and it'll be a complicated delivery."

"How complex?" I blink back more tears but they spill over as my lip wobbles. "I have to go under for the surgery because if I don't, I'll put stress on my body and risk losing them. But when I go under, my heart may give out."

"No..." He sobs into the phone. "Evie, get them out now."

"I can't. I'm too far into this pregnancy. I can't give up on them. They're so beautiful, Christian. I love them so much." He sighs. "You said I wouldn't lose you."

"The chances are small that my heart will give out."

"The chances are still there, Evie."

"I'm sorry. I can't." He sighs. "I have to go."

"No, please don't-"

"Bye Evie." The line goes dead and tears spill over my eyes again. I take a moment and compose myself then Kali runs in. "Morning Mama!"

"Hi baby. How did you sleep?"

"Good. How are my little brother and sister?"

"Good. Being fussy. Do you want to feel?" She nods excitedly and I place her hand where one of them kicks. She gasps. "That's amazing, Mama." I smile at her. "Absolutely."

"When's Daddy coming home?" I swallow. "I don't know, baby." Her face falls. "Where is he?"

"I don't know. He just needs to be away from us for a little bit. Just to wrap his head around this situation." She tilts her head and scoots closer. "What do you mean?" I stroke her cheek softly. "Kali, you're old enough now to know things. This is gonna be hard for you to hear, but I'm dying, baby." A look of heartbreak falls across her face.

"Why?" I blink back tears. "Your little brother and sister are part of me right now. And they're taking a lot out of me and that's really taking a toll. I'm fighting the hardest fight I've ever had to, but eventually my heart just won't be able to fight anymore. Now your daddy is very upset about that. He doesn't want to lose me. Because that's what love is. When you're terrified to lose someone." She buries her head in my chest. "Mommy I don't want you to go." I take a deep breath. "It'll be okay. I might be able to survive this, but at the rate your brother and sister are growing... My chances are getting low." She lets out a hiccupy sob. "Please don't leave me." She whispers. I hold her tightly against me. "I'll be here for as long as I possibly can. We all have a time, my love. And if I die giving life to two wonderful little ones, then I'm okay with that. Kali, look at me." She pulls away and my eyes meet hers. "I want you to be strong. And brave. And kind. I want you to be the little girl I always knew you would be. Do that, and I will be so, so happy."