The next thing I know, im sitting in the couch with a coffee, billy black, jacob black, bella and charlie talking about nonsense.
Billy and Jacob are long time old friends of ours, ive not seen them in years. Billy's in a wheelchair, and jacob has grown up a lot since ive last seen him.He's about 16 but he looks like a man now, or could pass for one at least.
"So how are you enjoying it here darling?" Billy spoke up, leaning on his hands.
"Great. Thanks for asking." I felt like I was talking with no emotion. Just a rock.
I smiled and dismissed myself from everyone saying I felt ill.. I gave billy and jacob a hug end left the room quickly. I soon found myself staring at my bedroom wall.
I heard doors close and I assume that is billy and jacob leaving after two hiurse of laughing and banter.
I listened to Charlie and Bella talk for a bit and he soon announced he had to leave for a nightshiff. shortly after he left I heard thedoor go and Bella laugh, it was obviously Edward and. I sat there in the same spot for over 3 hours thhinking about my life and contemplated everything I had done wrong and what I could of changed, and I broke down into tears. Im beyond broken arent I? theres no way out for people like me..
I suddenly got up and rummaged through my draws until I came face to face with a sharp object. It was shiny and I could see my eyes in the relection. Its about the size of a pen lid...I stared at it for 5 minutes before drawing it across my wrist, and the shine. of the blade disappeared and was tinted with redness...it felt as if I melted away my problems and left me numb, amd pain free, I drew it again, and again until I had cried all my tears away and I was left with dry sobs.
I climbed onto my bed hugging my pillow, ignoring the blood and the stinging.
what have I done? im not this girl anymore, the girl cooked up in drugs or alcohol and self harming....or am I?
I drifted off I to a solemn but peacefull sleep.
I stirred all night and had nightmeres of my past. I woke numerous times each accompanied with a sob. I flinched at the touch if my wrist and a cold electric shock was sent through my body and I sat bolt right up breathing heavy, convinced someone was in my room, that they touched me, I looked around and there was nothing. Just the sound of the rain hitting my windows and Bella'sdistant snoring. I wiped the sweat of my forehead and shivered.
I swung my legs around and looked at my alarm clock, 4.30am it said.
I silently shifted my way down stairs trying to breath silently through my blocked nose from crying. I made mg wah nto the kitchen and made myself a glass of water and leaned on the countertop., my hair dangling down in a mattered manor.
"Are you okay?" I heard a voice whisper in a dark husky tone.
I spun around startled and scared, not knowing who it was. it was Edward.
my breathing was erratic and I hid my hands behind my back.
"holy shit , you scared the life out of me!"I quietly squealed
"Im sorry, I didmt mean to." He sad calmly. I shuffled uncomfortably.
"okay well new rule, you have to make a sound before you sneak up on someone!"
"deal. " he smirked at me. "Why are you up? " he questioned me sitting down at the kitchen table.I mirrored him and sat down.
"thirsty. You?" I answered trying to compose myself.
"couldnt sleep." he said rustling his perfect, copper hair. "uh...you seem to have some blood on your arm..." he whispered looking at me in my eyes.
I whipped my arms behind my back as quickly as I could. "Thanks its nothing."
we had a moment of silence before he spoke. my heart felt as if it could burst at any second.
"I know what a nothing looks like. This isnt a nothing...Ana..." I gulped, I was caught out. "I know...let me have a look and see if I can help clean it up." I looked at Edward trembling , and holding back my tears.
he got up and got a damp cloth and sat next to me. He quietly took my arm and looked at it carefully.
I watched emotions crawl over his face...pity...sadness...sorry...anger....it was horrible.
He slowly started to clean away the blood exposing several deep lacerations to my forearm.
"There. Done. Talk to Carlisle, or jasper. I think you'd be surprised at how good it is to talk to friends or a doctor. " Edward said looking at me directly and sincerely, full of empathy.
"Jasper probably has better things to worry about than some stupid girl who is broken." I choked.
"trust me he doesn't. "
"but he looks so worried and in pain all the time, without me dumping my problems onto him!"
Edward sighed. "I'll you one thing, he's worried about you. ever since the insulin incident, he's not stopped worryimg, thinking are you okay or if you need anything...he actually wont shut up about you since he first met you!" he chuckled, releasing my arm.
wow. really?
"Really? He shouldnt worry about me...im no one..."
"Trust me. Talk to him tomorrow." I nodded, I wanted to tel jasper now, to stop worrying about me and to relax.
"Thank you Edward, you didnt need to do that for me...night." I mumbled drinking the rest of my water and making my way up to my bed, leaving Edward in the kitchen.
I looked at my alarm clock, 5.15am. I moaned and fell imto a dreamless slumber. This whole thing felt like a dream even though it wasnt.
I tolled and slammed my alarm off. I stared at the ceiling before flopping off my bed and running to the shower for warmth.
I scrubbed away the rest of the stains on my arms and tried to scrub my sins away. I hopped out the shower feeling fresh and rejuvenated. I dressed in a long sleeved shirt and long black leggins with my red bed socks.
Today was going to be a new day. and I was going to talk to jasper hale.
