Øn yøur mind // Tyler Joseph

Forever

It was probably my forth or so appointment this couple weeks or so, and it might actually be helping. I couldn't tell yet. All I know is I've fake cried my heart out over fake scenarios, like my dad.

"Come in Ro. So, what's on your mind this time. Tell me everything that's happened, big or small." She asked and put the box of tissues between us.

"Well a girl at school, the one who beat me up, she keeps challenging me in stupid ways, like testing me to fight her back, but I know I can't."

"And how does that make you feel?" She scribbled on her notepad.

"Stupid. And angry and helpless. I could fight her easily, win and this whole thing might be over. But school. So I stand there and take the abuse." I admitted.

"Ah. Okay well maybe to be the bigger person, fighting isn't the answer. I know it may seem right to get revenge or justice, for you and your cheer team, but it's not always right sweetie." She patted my arm but I had to disagree with her. I kept it in though, we had other subjects to talk about.

"Now your mother, she seems to mention you're upset with her and her fiancé getting engaged, she put in a request to have me talk to you about it... " She fiddled with her pen.

"I'd rather not... " I crossed my arms stubbornly.

"Rowan... " She warned. She wouldn't give me my meds if I didn't speak.

"Well... I probably shouldn't be telling you this Helen... " My tone softened and my face hung low because of fear.

"Sweetie you can tell me anything... that's why I'm here." Her soft voice calmed me down, I nodded and took a moment to collect myself.

"Okay... " I began extremely nervous, I knew I'd need those tissues soon.

"Take your time." She assured me.

"Her fiancé, Dave. I have a reason to dislike him. My mom seems to think I'm jealous, I'm not. He... "

I gave Helen time to write on her notepad. She scribbled every word I said furiously.

"... He physically... beats me." I avoided the word abuse, she might've not wanted to hear that for some reason.

I continued, "And he won't stop, and I've shown my mom the marks he leaves, the scars, they're obvious—yet she hides in her room drinking and pretending it didn't happen!" I burst.

Helen looked up from scribbling and tried to hide the shock on her face.

"I'm sorry." I reached for a tissue and blew my nose, letting my tears ruin everything in its path.

"No it's okay Hun. Why didn't you tell me this before?!" She seemed actually concerned this time, not like she was when she faked her sadness and pity for me.

"I don't know." I sobbed now, remembering all of the times he'd shoved, kicked, thrown and... abused me.

"Well that's okay. It's gonna be okay sweetie." She sighed and I raised my head suspiciously.

"Okay." I cried for another five minutes, with Helen murmuring things to calm me down, and also her shocked state.

"Our time is up, dear." She grabbed a tissue and dabbed the corner of her eyes with it. She gave me a glossy-eyed smile. "See you next time, goodbye."

Something about the way she was acting made me feel awkward and scared. Maybe she was just having a bad day herself. I shook it off but as I reached for the door knob to let myself out, her hands reached for me.