Now

Chapter 1

"Its just hard Harry,"  I sighed flipping over onto my stomach. "All my friends can see their boyfriends whenever they want or really just talk to their boyfriends when ever they want and I can't." 

"Lena, we do talk on a regular basis," Harry's husky voice answered from across the Atlantic ocean.

"Yeah, I know we do, but its at random times through out the day. There are days I go without actually hearing your voice. I'm not saying that I don't apperciate those sweet texts, its just not the same."

"L, I don't know what you want me to do." Harry said after a moment, a sense of defeat lurking in his words.

"Nothing. There is nothing you can do. I get that. I'm just saying I wish it didn't have to be this way. It is hard to see pictures of Eleanour out with Louis, or Perrie walking straight into the hotel, while I have to take seperate cars and duck down in the back or arrive to a place fifteen minutes before or after you. And thats after having to wait months to see you!" I said in what seemed like one long breath. I stopped myself, sensing I was starting to sound like a nag and I didn't want that. 

"You know I don't want that!" His voice was strained, tension evident in his tone. "You think I'm okay with managment controling our relationship? We've talked about this. If there was any other way it wouldn't be like this. You know that. I don't like being your secret anymore than you like being mine. But this is the way it has to be for now."

"I know Harry," I said attempting to back off. We'd had this fight countless times before and I really didn't want to have it again. We were going in circles and it was doing no one any good. "Look babe, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to start this again. I just miss you thats all."

The line was silent for a moment.  Finally, I heard his voice, although it was barley above a whisper. "I... I think we should take some time a part."

"What?" I said, gasping at the words that had just left his mouth. "Are you.... breaking up with me?" I tried to replay the conversation in my mind, figuring out how we got to this point. 

" I guess I am Lena. I just...." his voice trailed off. I heard him gulp, as if he too was trying to push down a lump growing in his throat. "It's just, I'm sorry I can't be around all the time for you. I feel like you think I don't want to be, and I do. Do you really think that if I had any other choice I wouldn't be by your side 24/7? L, how long have you known me? How long have we been together? I'm doing the best I can but that is not enough for you. I think managment may be right, maybe right now isn't the best time for me to have a girlfriend."

"How can you say that...." I choked out, my words coming inbetween sobs. I don't remember when I started to cry.

"I just think you would be happier with someone who can be there for you like I want to be."

"You have no right to decide who or what would make me happy."  I cried, practically screaming through the phone. The shock subsided a bit and I was suddenly angry.  "If you want to be done with me, fine. But don't feed me that bullshit that you are doing this for me. If you don't love me anymore, just say it." I spat, my mind still reeling. How was this happening?

"You know thats not true," Harry said sadly. "We have this fight every other day it seems like. I can't be fully yours right now."

"I'm sorry," I choked out, "I don't know what I was saying. I just miss you," I cried, my breathing coming in short bursts. 

"And I miss you too. I just think this is best for now."

"Harry, please don't do this. It's not better. You know its not," I cried desperatly, as if I was trying to reach through the phone to him. 

"Goodbye Lena." With that, the phone went dead. I sat up on my knees, clutching the phone to my chest as deep sobs seemingly erupted from deep inside me.