The Deal Changer (Book IV)

Prologue - 2004

                        "Love is whatever you can still betray. Betrayal can only happen if you love."

-John le Carre                                                    

                                                                             Prologue

                                                                                  2004

MY HEAD POUNDED AND I COULD already feel the shakes beginning to set in for me. I had used up the rest of my stash not one day ago and I was already beginning to feel the aching my body had without it. I'll have to find Ren later and find where his is at, I hazily thought as I walked towards the ratty house with all of the outdoor lights blown out. They probably haven't been replaced since I was born.

The steps creaked and even trembled at my weight, even though I was under a hundred pounds and had stepped on the strongest part of the steps. I knew the door would be unlocked because it's not like my mother would ever lock the door. It's not like my mother has anything, or anyone, she actually cares about and wants to protect. No telling how many strangers have wandered into the house and rummaged through our things when she was passed out on the couch.

When I stepped into the house I mentally prepared myself for whatever state the house might have been in. I haven't stepped foot in the house for, well, I'm not quite sure how long. My nights have been a blur, and my days completely black. The one thing I had been silently praying is that my sister has kept her head low and stayed away from our mother, just as I had asked her to before I left. I have been able to handle my mother's hard smacks across the cheek, but I don't think Cindy could; I'd never want her to. It scared me, honestly, to see how things have been since I was last here. I knew I should have checked in earlier, just to see how Cindy was doing without me here to guard her from our mother.

The house was a wreck, but that's a normal thing. Bottles were in the corner, random crap my mother had hoarded was piled in front of the couch covered in holes. It smelled like mold, cigarettes, and body odor inside. By now I was used to it, even while I've been away. There was one lamp on, flickering as if the bulb was just about to give out, and a lit cigarette in the ash tray. My eyes rested on the almost empty pack on the table and my hand immediately snatched one out and lit it using the already lit one in the tray. Smoke oozed out of my mouth and swirl around me as I took several puffs, easing my headache and the shakes just a bit. I carried the cigarette with me as I went to look around the rest of the house, wondering where Cindy might be.

"Where the hell have you been?" a voice croaked from the other side of the room.

I whipped around and saw my mother standing by the kitchen door with a baggy, faded dress hanging on her bony and pale body. My lips wrapped around the cigarette and I let out another puff. "Didn't think you'd even notice."

Her face formed a snarl and she smacked her fragile hand against the boxy television next to her. "Who the hell do you think you are? You think you can come back after being away? Hell no. I'm not supporting a whore."

My face remained unemotional and I took another puff. "That's ironic calling me that considering you have no idea who my father is or Cindy's."

"Don't act like you're better than me, Joanna. From the looks of it, you've already become me," she spat, sticking her bony finger out at me. "I've been hearing things about my fourteen-year-old daughter all around this city. Bet in six months you'll be knocked up, if you're not already, and crawling back to me, and I ain't going to do shit for you."