Lilliana Snape (Book 5)

Part 10

Here's a nice long part for you guys to make up for part 8 :) Hope you enjoy it!

I didn’t go to dinner.

I went to bed and I didn’t leave my dormitory.

Everything just went blank.

I never understood the pain of heartbreak; I’d scoff at people who’d say that they wanted to die because of some guy or girl but I understand now.

The pain is paralyzing, it’s crushing, it’s like being killed over and over again.

I told Fred Weasley that I loved him but I never knew just how much until I lost him. I’m fifteen (almost 16) right? So I’m too young for love but since when did love say ‘hey, she’s barely a teenager, she can’t fall in love!’ it didn’t but I can’t help but feel that my reaction to this…breakup…is childish and yet, if I think that then why can’t I move?

I had absolutely no desire to do anything and so I slept, for almost a month all I did was sleep and doze. I think people came in to see me but I don’t really remember; it’s all a big blurry mess full of grief and blackness.

“You need to get up!” A stern voice finally broke through a small crack in the depression and I opened my eyes and saw clearly for the first time in weeks. Dad was standing over me, I could see he was concerned but I could also tell that he was trying not to show it. “Come on, get out of bed” he ordered “you can’t lie there forever.”

“I’m doing a pretty good job of it” I replied before rolling over so that I couldn’t see him.

“It’s been a month, Lilliana; a month is hardly forever but you need to snap out of it, now!” Dad snapped impatiently “come on, get up! I expect you to see you in my class in an hour; if I have to come and get you, I won’t be happy.” Then he left.

I was all for closing my eyes and drifting off again but a little voice in my head said ‘school’. I’m at Hogwarts and I’m throwing my education away. I’d never valued its importance before now but if I fail here then I won’t become a qualified witch and my wand will be taken from me.

I climbed out of bed just as the dormitory door opened and Hermione walked in. “Your dad ordered me to take you to breakfast” she told me cautiously “he said he’d curse me if I didn’t make you eat and, by the look on his face, I believe him.”

“Don’t worry, Hermione” I sighed, wincing at the sound of my own voice “I’ll make it easy for you.”

“Lilly-” she walked over and sat on my bed “I know what happened and we’re all here for you, we always were. You just shut off and no one could get through to you. I tried; I even told you about the classes…hoping that you’d take some of it in.”

I shook my head as I pulled on my robes “I’m sorry but I really don’t remember anything.” I lied, I did remember her telling me about the lessons and about Umbridge, our new Defence Professor.

“Well, I just want you to know that we all love you.” Hermione replied “and we want to help.”

I fell into a routine; get up, go to class, eat, sleep and it continued like that for the next few weeks. There was nothing wrong with it besides the fact that my actions were almost robotic. Still, my grades were higher than ever.

“We’re making a club” Hermione announced to me as she, Harry and Ron joined me; they’d just gotten back from Hogsmead. I hadn’t gone. “To learn stuff from Harry.”

“What” I frowned at her.

“Umbridge isn’t teaching us” she sighed “so we have to do something about it, don’t we? We just held a meeting and loads of people joined.” She squinted at me “are you ok? You look…ill.”