He Speaks Suicide (Phan AU)

12

Ya'll already know....

Dan's POV*

I knew it.

I knew this would happen. Phil doesn't like me at all. He called me a fag. He never calls anyone a fag. I thought he was going to be the one to mend me; not break me even more. I don't know what to do.

Phil helped me to much. He made me so happy, just to knock me down.

You know you deserved it.

No! No I didn't!

Yes you did. You know you want to do it. Seeing all the blood dripping from your arms and legs. Seeing it ooze out of the fresh cuts you made. Each drop reminding you of how worthless your life it. How nobody would miss you if you left.

Just disappear already.

They're better off without you.

It's true. I'm nothing to this world. I'm just a worthless piece of emo scum. I have no place here.

I wonder how it feels to be a truly happy person. I would probably know if Phil was with me. He is, was the only source of happiness in my life. I wish I never said yes to Sean. I wish I never let him use my phone.

I wish I never lived.

I feel a scratch at my wrist and look at all the long, open scars. I didn't even know I was scratching them. I look for my blade. I forgot when I last cut. I found a new reason to now.

***

"Hey Dan!" An overly cheery voice calls to me and I stop walking.

"Hi," I say and put on a fake smile.

"How are you?" Sean asks.

"M'good, you?" I lie.

"I'm great knowing I'm with you," he smiles and I look up with another fake smile. We continue to walk and we stop outside of my homeroom.

"I'll see you in first hour love," he says and waves as he walks away.

I sigh and walk into homeroom. I take a seat next to my friend Alex and sigh.

"Hey Dan, what's wrong?" She asks and I look down.

"Muffin, what do I do if someone asks me out, and I say yes, but I don't feel the same?" I ask and look over to the much smaller girl.

"Dan, who asked you out babe?" She asks and puts her food down.

"Sean," I say and she frowns.

"Really? Well um, I'm gonna be honest. He asked me out when we were like twelve years old and I said no. We continued being friends. He's very understanding. Just tell him," she says with a sad smile and I nod.

"But what do I do if I messed up a friendship with someone I actually liked?" I asked.

"Make things right with them," she says and I stay silent.

"It's Phil isn't it?" She asked and I nodded, placing my head on her shoulder.

"Oh Dan. I saw him today. He looked really sad. You need to tell him how you feel... before it's too late," she says and I sighed, nodding once more lightly.

"I know Alex, I know."

I just hope he'll listen to me. I think he really hates me. He never talked to me the way he did the other day. I'm just a fucking mess. I can never do anything right.

I'm a walking travesty, but I keep smiling to pretend like I'm okay.

Hey guys! I know this was really short, half the words it usually is, but I felt like I needed to update. I'm so sorry I haven't been updating regularly, BUT I'M ON SUMMER VACATION SO HEYYYYYY!!! HOPEFULLY MORE UPDATES!!!

Today's song was the commonly known Therapy by All Time Low. I love this song so much just because I feel like I have a strong connection to it.

QOTD: What youtubers have you guys been watching a lot of recently?

My answer: I've been watching a lot of MacDoesIt XD

He's hilarious and I love his character Ms. Patterson omfg. Check him out this is honestly my favorite video from him so far 😂

But really guys. I love you all more than my bed and I hope you enjoyed this chapter 💙💙
- Mia