Hazel// Jacob Sartorius Part 2

Sadness

Jacobs Pov
I Hate myself i hate myself i hate myself is all i can think at the moment.
Emmie... Skylar. Laila. Emmie. Hannah... Emmie...
Who the fuck am I
I treated Emmie like shit...
I put all those girls through a hard time being the dumbass I am.
I didn't want to love Emmie... But i did. I wanted to love Laila, because I thought it would make me a better person after i betrayed her first. I wanted to date Hannah because I wanted Emmie jealous and for her to realize she wanted ME. I dated Skylar out of... pity? I guess I thought it was a good idea at the time, but it wasn't.
And somehow, some way, i ALWAYS ended up with Emmie... The world was trying to tell me something, but i was too fucking ignorant and only thought the world revolved around my feelings.
This is what being a fuck boy is, and I keep trying to convince myself that im NOT... But i know i am. I can't stand this feeling of regret. All Emmie EVER did was love me and cherish me and love me. I was her shoulder, but when she expected me to catch her, i moved out of the way.
She may not feel as she once did, and i dont blame her. The emotional trouble I put her through. I dont even fucking deserve her.
*ring Ring*
i look down at my phone, It's Laila. What the fuck does she want.
"Hey what's up" a forced happy tone comes from my mouth... I hate her
"Not much. Just wanted to see if we could... Hang" she said in a voice indicating she wanted to do more than just "hang." I pretended that she actually just wanted to hang out and watch TV so i invited her over.
30 minutes later
I hear the doorbell ring, it's Laila.