Falling Daisies

Chapter 6

"You know what forget it. Forget the walk, I'm going home." I turned and paced back towards the direction where I'd parked my car.

"Shit. No, Luce, Wait!" I heard thuds behind me as Ben ran to catch up with me, grabbing my hand and spinning me to face him, kissing me hard on the lips. I pushed him off.

"No. You can't just kiss me and think that's going to make everything go away. I'm sick of people trying to cover everything up, all the time; it's the same crap, every time!"

"Please..." he hadn't yet let go of my hand and his eyes grew sad, full of real emotion. I recognised the expression from when I'd first seen him in the bar. It was a face that looked like his world was crumbling around him and he was trying to hold up the bricks but they were too strong for him. I relented, pressing my head against his chest, soaking in the warmth of his body and the rich, musky smell of his aftershave.

"God. I'm sorry Luce, I can be a dick sometimes."

"It's alright; it's just been a rough night. You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to."

Ben breathed in deeply and exhaled. The sigh suggested it was a very long story and I was prepared not to be told the full of it. Besides, I'd know this guy just short of a month, why would he pour out his soul to me?

"I've been coming to Church for about two years now. I was on a rocky path to self destruction and someone pointed me in the direction of St. Christopher's. The singing just kind of happened; my friends would rip me to shreds if they found out! And, I don't know if I believe in God or not is my truthful answer." He was still holding me and I could feel the vibrations of his voice echo through my body, their gentle hum on my skin was relaxing.

"I didn't see how in a world with so much pain and heartbreak there could be a dude in the sky permitting this to happen. If there was then he must have a serious problem with me!" I smiled to myself. We were the same.

"But then the more I've come and listened to the preaching's and heard the gospels and... Some of the hymn lyrics speak volumes if you take the time to read them properly." His voice was becoming engaged and animated now and I could tell he was speaking this from the heart, which warmed my own knowing, for a guy to admit to this was a big deal. "I just think, when we've gone, there's got to be something else out there right? Life can't just stop. There must be something more. Man, I sure as hell hope there is..." I heard a choke in his throat and I stroked my fingers instinctively down his back, as though to sooth whatever hurt was running through his mind right now.

"I understand." I didn't know what else to say, but it seemed like the best thing to offer him because I did, I understood.

"You're amazing Lucy, someone should tell you that."

My breath caught in my throat. In this moment, he was perfect. His warm body closed around mine in a loving embrace. He was squeezing me, gently rocking our bodies as one in the autumnal coolness. There was silence, bar the sound of crisp, crunching leaves under our feet. I laced my hands together around his waist and I heard him sigh, contently, as his grip momentarily tightened, pulling me closer. I was protected. I was safe. This feeling was what I had longed for, for the past three years, this was a moment I had dreamed of. When someone would just hold me and let me know everything was okay. That it was going to be alright. His chin rested on my head, planting a tender kiss on my forehead, his stubble tickling my skin, sending shivers down my spine and I shuddered.

"Are you cold?" He pulled away, grabbing me by my shoulders, looking intently into my eyes, searching my face, a worried furrow across his brow. I grabbed his scarf and pulled him down so his lips were inches away from mine.