Red

One. Life is shit and then you die. Or not.

"Roxas!"

The pained voice sounded slightly muffled, far away, like it was behind a panel of glass - or underwater, he couldn't tell. He felt like he was floating in a weightless abyss; he couldn't feel a thing, couldn't open his eyes, couldn't move a limb, nothing, but strangely.. he didn't care. A part of him felt like he should care. He tried to speak, but he couldn't make the words come out of his throat, all he could do was lay there, still, completely confused. The boy expected to hurt, but he could barely feel anything. It felt odd and confused him further.

Is this what dying felt like?

He felt the sensation of being abruptly lifted upwards, a hand on his neck, frantically trying to find a pulse. Crying, lots of crying. Everything was cold, unbearably cold, but still no pain. He could hear people mumbling, then a pressure on his hand, somebody gripping it like it was a life or death situation. He wanted to open his eyes and see what was going on, but they were frozen shut despite his struggling. He was trapped and couldn't do a thing about it.

"Please be okay, please..."

The voice sounded so heartbroken. It pained and confused him as to why.

"You can't leave me..."

He blacked out. He could feel himself slipping away, the person gripping his hand beginning to disappear, the voices fading into silence.

When he regained some sense, everything hurt. He was trapped in agony. Roxas could feel the pain everywhere, like a fire burning his insides, like a thousand bones being broken over and over again. His stomach felt like at any moment it would explode from the pain - he shouldn't be alive from the amount of pills he'd taken, but that was the whole point. He wasn't meant to feel this pain. The last thing he should've known was lying in that bathtub.

Roxas tried to speak but tubes blocked his nose, his mouth... He could feel needles being prodded into his arms, liquid being forced into his veins.

Dying hurt.

~

You don't really think about the pain when you do it. Yes, the physical pain is short and sweet but... He wasn't thinking of the pain when he took those pills. All he was thinking was 'this will be over soon.' Pain to end the pain. Ironic, right?

Roxas wasn't thinking about anybody else but himself. Suicide is selfish. That's the painful truth. One which, when a suicidal person carries out their actions, doesn't think about. He didn't think about. The reality is, life fucking sucks and you hurt people whatever you do. He didn't care when he took those pills. He didn't think of who would be hurt. He just wanted to end it.

How do you stop yourself from hurting without hurting other people?

You can't. There's no miracle cure to whatever a person is dealing with, and that's life.

~

"I think it's safe to disconnect the tubes now. His lungs seem to be functioning on their own now; keep a close eye on him."
"His signs are stable."

"I'm sorry to say that he's slipped into a coma, Ms. Strife. I don't know how long this will last. This was a serious attempt- he's lucky to be alive."
"Is he?..."
"I can't say for sure... I'll give you a few moments with him."

"I finally got Mom to admit she needed help. I know that doesn't excuse what she did, but... it's a step towards her trying to be better, right? I'm staying at Riku's most of the time now... For comfort, y'know? I told him everything; he's angry. I wish you'd wake up. You've always been the one that keeps me safe."