Stolen Love

23

"Gah!" I cry giving up. I stop moving and take deep breaths. That was getting me no where. "Ok, now let me go."

He loosens his grip, but hangs on. I look in to his eyes, and he in to mine. "A monster?" He asks, "Is that what you think I am?" He sighs, "How many times do I have to tell you that I want the best for you?"

"How many times do I have to ask before you let me go?" I ask simply. Almost all my anger has washed away, it's amazing what cooling down can do for you.

"I'm sorry," his eyes are like deep blue pools again, I almost feel myself sinking in them. "I love you."

He hugs me, I wrap my arms loosely behind him. Chris holds me for a while, I just don't feel like fighting back anymore. It's been such a long day.

Sometimes I wonder if it would just be easier to accept my fate. There wouldn't be so much fighting and pain.

When he pulls apart, he says, "I wish we didn't have to fight so much." His arms are still wrapped around me.

I am about to say, 'I wish for a lot of things' but instead, I say, "You're wrong again?"

Worry flashes through his eyes and he raises an eyebrow. "What is it now?"

"I don't think you're a monster, I never have."

"Then what do you think I am?"

"I think your lost, Chris."

He laughs a little. "I think I know who I am."

"Hmm," I say, "I don't think you do"
* * * *

The next morning, Matt is still here. He doesn't say anything to me. In fact, he hardly looks at me.

When I asked him if we were going to run, he reluctantly got up and ready. Usually he'd be ready to go and try joking around a little.

Guilt runs me over like a steamroller. I can't believe a few words I said could turn him so unemotional. I haven't always been the most liked person, actually a lot of people hate me- hated I mean.

Usually I could care less. I didn't live to impress or suck up to everybody. I lived to do what I wanted, when I wanted. But with Matt it's different.

And honestly, it really hurts.

The run isn't the same either. Matt is more guarded. Every time I turn my head to cough or bend down to tie my shoe, he'll react in some way. I guess I really blew his trust yesterday, and it doesn't help I compared him to his father whom he hates.

He is also as far away from me on the trail he can get. It's like he's running on the edge.

I was about to say sorry a few times. Tell him that I didn't mean it, and I was just out of control.

I caught myself though. I shouldn't care whether Matt likes me or not. All I should care about is getting out of here, and I'm all out of ideas.

I've tried everything I can think of. I tried gaining his trust and then attacking when Chris least expected it. All that got me was a broken leg.

The jump and run didn't work, nor did the bang for help. Heck, I can't even scream for help right.

How am I supposed to escape when I can't even do that?

I don't know, life is just so screwed up sometimes. I was so dumb and ungrateful when I was younger.

I remember crying for hours after losing a basketball game, all because I missed a wide open lay up. I thought life was over then, that I was the biggest mess the world has ever known.

Now I know I'm not. It's hard to believe that only happened last year, it's feels like forever ago.

But I guess that when life was simple. Now it threw a big test at me, if I fail, I'll never see my family again. Passing gets me put of here.

Right now I feel like I'm bordering on the line between a C and a D, and I keep falling down.

Every time I fall down, it gets harder to get up. It's getting to the point of why bother?

Chris isn't that bad of a guy, I mean, he's nice mostly, and not to bad on the eyes. He'd also do almost anything to keep me happy. I used to dream of my Prince Charming to be just like that.

Only this one has some dark, unforgiving secrets. So no, it's not my happily ever after, but those don't exist.

Maybe it's time I finally realize that. Life isn't full of happiness and love. Sure, it's got some of that, but most the time it's crappy, and we just have to deal with it.

I'm learning something, you can deal with it in two ways. You can just let it happen, or you can fight back.

Now suddenly, I'm beginning to think that fighting isn't the best way. Maybe I should give up and let the story write itself.

But where's the fun in that? So I'm going to keep on fighting, I'll do it for as long as I can.

With or without help, I'm going to be in my family's arms again. Although I'm not sure how long it will take.

* * *
Matt wasn't lying when he said a blizzard was coming. I woke up this morning to see nothing but white outside the window.

The snow is coming down so hard that I can't see any trees. I put my hand on the window, it comes back freezing and a little wet "I guess we're not running today," I mumble to myself, before crawling back in to bed.

Chris pulls me close to him, I guess I'm like a teddy bear to him. I sigh and wiggle around to a comfy spot.

Matt can figure out that I'm not coming down himself. Not that he cares anyways.