You held my hand, gently brushing your thumb against the back of my palm.
"Are you okay?" you asked.
"Yes," I answered. I am okay.
Then, I thought of the many other times I felt otherwise.
That time when we didn't have a choice but to be apart,
"It's temporary," you said reassuringly.
I've always known it was the first of the many goodbyes I had to endure.
That time when you said you were coming home,
but by some last minute changes, you decided not to.
I blew the dinner candle out, and cried myself to sleep.
That time when I noticed you smiling for no reason,
"It's nothing," you said dismissively when I asked.
I recognized that smile you know, and it wasn't for me.
That time when you told me you are tired,
and you can't talk and just want to sleep.
You turned your back on me and I wondered, if it's me you're tired of.
That time when I knew her name,
and how your eyes lit up when you talked about her.
I knew it right there. It is her.
That time when I learned to pretend that I still come first,
denying to myself that I'm no longer that girl you'd do anything for.
You'll come around, you have to. I thought.
That time when I hugged you tight, desperately wanting to feel
if the man who's in love with me is still somewhere there.
You hugged me back, but mine was tighter.
That time when said you didn't mean to hurt me.
I wanted to believe you.
But you cut me in too deep, how can that not hurt?
Now here we are, your hand in mine,
and my broken heart in yours.
"You okay?" you asked again.
I looked into your eyes, wanting to find the answer in them,
and there it was, the reality I was so afraid to know.
"Are you?" I asked you instead.
- JM
