Thirty Shades of Lian
Assurance is what you give me when I trust you with my bank accounts. You’re a great wifey who knows how to budget what your husband cannot.
Anxiety is what you make me feel when I wake up alone in our bed, but then I find you in the kitchen whistling as you make coffee and pancakes.
Blessing is when I earn my paycheck every month and buy you something special. But then you tell me I didn’t have to which makes me wanna buy you more stuff.
Comfort is when I feel your hands massaging my shoulders when I don’t even have the energy to take my clothes off after a hard day’s work.
Confidence is what I feel when you tell me that you only have eyes for me, even when there are others who are more good-looking than Big Daddy.
Contentment is when I wrap you in my arms at night and I breathe your lovely scent. I spoon you and you murmur and we both are content.
Courage is what you give me when you praise my ideas for work, giving me the bravery I needed to believe in my talent and show it to my boss.
Encouragement is when we tell each other not to give up and do ten more sit-ups, or five more, just so we’ll look even hotter for each other.
Faith is when you hold my hand when we pray to Buddha on Sundays, telling him to bless our love because it’s a chinky, beautiful thing.
Faithfulness is when I go to work and I drop you off to school, each of us knowing that we don’t give a damn about those who seduce us and flirt.
Forgiveness is what I give you when you apologize for accidentally kneeing me in the groin, for I have a habit of startling you in bed in the morning when I turn into a horny old coot. Oh man. I almost lost my balls the last time, baby. EL-OH-EL!!
Future is the tomorrow we wake up to and the day after we sleep tonight. It’s a perpetual cycle of being in the present because the future is what we have now ( ^-^)
God’s Love is when we pray to Buddha because he’s fabulous, he really is. He likes eating a lot and so I take after his habit. That is why I eat you every night, Buddhammit! BAHAHAHAHA!!
God’s Will is when I devoted myself to you that night when we first made love. What can I say? You had me at your moan. You’re such a sexy moaner, baby. Oh yeah.
Grace is when you always take the moral high ground when faced with life’s most challenging shiz. You always remind me to make sweet lemonade out of lemons. I love your lemon by the way, hehe ( >,<)/
Heaven is that place we often visit when you close your eyes.
Hope is what you give me when people ask if we’re boyfriends. You tell them with pride that I’m not just a boyfriend, but a husband. I then realize that there is hope of finding love, even for someone as broken as I am. I love you, Baobei, for loving me the way that I am <3
Integrity is when you’re always honest with me, giving me all the receipts of the groceries you buy with my money. You are the first one who’s ever done that, Baobei. Others rip me open like a busted ATM.
Joy is what you make me feel when we play Xbox and PS3 then end up playing with ourselves because it’s way more fun, WAHEL-OH-EL!! ^^
Loneliness is when I see you sulking when your sister tells you to leave me. But you never did, Baobei. You stayed. You stayed and that’s love right there. So please, don’t be lonely when your sister tells you that what we have is not going to work. It will. Just keep praying coz I’m here for you, as you are for me.
Patience is when you understand and don’t complain when I need to postpone our movie dates sometimes because I need to work long hours. Don’t worry Baobei. I’m filing for leave soon and I’m all yours to abuse and devour, hehe ^^
Peace is what you make me feel after a warm bath. You snuggle close to my body and I feel myself growing hard with warmth and love.
Praise is when you tell me I did a good job when my boss doesn’t tell me anything at all.
Prayer is when I hear my name uttered in yours as you hear yours uttered in mine ( ^ -^)
Presence of God is what you are, Baobei. You are ever loving, and ever kind. You make warm what is cold, and cool what is hot. I don’t know how else to describe you because you just are. You are everything love stands for, my love.
Protection is when you tell me to at least wear my underwear when I cook, because I’m a frigging nudist at home ( > ,<)/ don’t worry baby. I always cover the goods, hihi! (gyrating like a chinky banana) LOL!!
Strength is what you give me when I feel low on energy. You are the reason why I wake up early in the morning, just so I can keep earning money because your future is all I care about, baby =’)
Stress is that time we share when neither of us is playing Xbox because you have so much homework and I have so much take-home work. But then we look at each other and say fuQ it! We gon’ play Xbox!
Trust is what we have for each other whenever we feel like playing with toys (wink wink).
Wisdom is knowing that what we have cannot live on love alone. It is all these words I wrote which we have for each other that will make what we have indelible. It is all these shades of you combined and more that makes me want to try harder every day. And I will. I will try harder until I get your parents to say ‘Yes’ to me and accept me even if I’m a decade older and gay.
Li, I’m not expecting anything. And I don’t want to anymore if all my failed relationships in the past are any indication. I know in my heart that there will be a time for us. That your parents will know the true meaning of the word “Acceptance” … But until then I will take care of you. I need you. I need you because I love you, Baobei. Lian, my little squirt, my cute little submissive (eek! PG13! Hehe), my love, my life, my Baby Li, I love you very much. Wo ai Baobei <3 Wo ai ni.
PS I added our song Love Is Heavy. I love you Li. I love you, Baobei.
