Another Word For Loneliness

Princeness

"Hey Easton I um... I wanted to tell you that I think you're a really amazing person, and I think it'd be great if we could. You know... Get together for a date or something." My hand reached my head. "I don't think you're cute at all, Addison you're the worst person I know. I hate you." Easton walked away from me.
I woke up crying from that dream.
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What if he really doesn't like me. Not like in that dumb dream I had last night. What if he truly just wanted to have a really close friend.
I threw my back pack on, and grabbed a piece of toast. The dance was this Friday and I wasn't ready.
I looked down at my blue jeans and red v-neck shirt. My converse squeaked on the tile school floor. While looking down my head hit something hard sending my books to the floor. I looked up at the culprit. It was Spencer. He picked my books up and handed them to me. "Tell mom I'm coming home today." He looked down at me. I nodded and continued walking. I sat down next to Suzy. "Did you tell him yet?" She whispered. "No." I mumbled back.
First period went by quickly, surprisingly. At lunch I sat in silence listening to Logan and Suzy mumble things to each other.
I went to my locker and started to unlock it when I felt someone grab my hand. I looked up at Easton's green eyes and down at his black shirt. "Addi I th-" A short girl with dark brown hair and big brown eyes pulled on Easton's shirt. "I thought you said we'd be leaving soon." She looked up at him. I frowned my eyebrows. Who was she? Why was she pulling on Easton? Was she his girlfriend? They were going home together... The only that stuck in my head was that they were going home together. "I know we will let me talk to my friend really quick." He turned to me. The girl rolled her eyes and walked away. I'm his friend. I felt eight knives violently stab away at my heart waiting for me to slowly bleed out while Easton watched. All the butterflies I had went up into my face making me burn. My eyes began to water. "So, Addi." He began. "I got to go so I'll see you later or something bye!" I turned on my heals forgetting everything in my locker and walked to the church. My eyes leaked and my heart shattered. I crawled into the church and cried the rest of the day. Why was Easton with another girl. I thought I was different. Maybe he wasn't a prince. He was losing his princeness. I cried until my throat wouldn't allow another sob to come out and my eyes couldn't make tears.
When I got home my mom was sitting at the dining room table. "Spencer said he'd be coming home today." Was the only words my voice let me say. "Dance practice wasn't too late tonight." She smiled and I walked up the stairs to my room. The box that held the dress made me want to vomit. I sat at the edge of my bed letting my body fall into fetal position. My phone binged twice before I checked it.
*Easton* Hey, were you busy last night?
*Easton* Honestly, I was kind of worried.
I ignored both messages, then texted Suzy.
*To Suzy* He's talking to other girls.
*Suzy* Who else?
I ignored her message as well. I rather tell her in person than over a text message. I woke up to Suzy's voice. "Addi wake up!" My eyes adjusted on her. "Who let you in?" I asked turning around. "Addi that girl that was with Easton, was she short with brown hair?" Her eyes were wide. "Yeah." I rubbed my eyes. "Addison! Come here." She pulled my arm forcing me to stand. "Look." She pointed in the mirror at my reflection. "You're so beautiful." She mumbled. I looked at my black hair that fell into bed head. My eyes were red with pain from rubbing them too hard. My lips were too thin and my nose was too small. "I ran into Easton at the library yesterday. He was with that girl." She walked back to my bed. Easton was with her at the library, their relationship was getting serous, I sarcastically thought. "He told me that he was worried about you, but then said he'd have to be leaving soon with his cousin and pointed at the girl." Suzy smiled. "What?" I was confused then it hit me! It was his cousin! My heart skipped about five beats before I grabbed my phone. "What are you doing?" She asked looking at my phone. "I'm texting Easton." I smiled down at his messages. "Get ready for school!" My brother opened my door then shut it. "What are you gonna say?" She asked watching me type. "I'm going to tell him sorry about yesterday." Suzy listened in closely then stood up. "I'll be downstairs." She walked out closing the door behind her. After I finished my message I got my clothes on. Blue jeans and a black shirt with a little fish on it. My converse were downstairs. Me and Suzy got into my brothers car. It was quiet on the way to school. When I walked in Easton was standing at my locker. I started shaking and my stomach tightened. "H-Hey." His voice made me grin. "Hey." I got closer to the locker. "Dance is tomorrow, I bet you'll be the prettiest one there." He looked down at me and lifted my face to his. I wasn't sure if he was starring at my lips or boobs so I backed up. "I'll see you later, I got to get to class." He waved at me. I unlocked my locker and took my books out.
School was boring today. Easton walked over to me and grabbed my hand before I could open my locker to leave. "Addi." He lifted my chin like he did earlier and looked me in the eyes, than down to my lips. Was he going to kiss me? I felt his other hand grabbing my hip. "Sorry, I'm so sorry!!" I looked over at Dawson who coincidentally dropped his books right in front of me and Easton. "Oh, hey Addison Lynn, I didn't know that was you." Dawson smiled at me and picked his books up. I crossed my arms. "Well I have to be going." He turned on his heals and walked away. "I hate him!" Easton cried. "Why?" I raised an eye brow. "Just the way he looks at you it pisses me off." He watched Easton turn the corner. "He looks at me as a little sister." I grabbed my backpack. Easton took my book bag from me. "I can carry it for you." He threw it over his shoulder. "Thanks." We walked out of the school.
"Ok I can take it from here." I reached for my bag. "Why can't I walk you home?" He handed it to me. "I'm not going home, I... Have to stop at the store first." I lied. "I can come with!" He reached for my bag again. I protected it with my arms. "I have to get, you know... Women stuff." I lied again. "Oh, ohh. Ok I'll see you tomorrow then." He waved and went to his car. My hands trembled.
After I got to the church I ate some crackers I was supposed to eat at lunch. I looked over at the partially burned wall of the church. My last cracker was finished. It was time to head out. My tongue scavenged my mouth for more cracker as I climbed from the church. Pain sharpened down my left side. My arm scraped against a piece of burnt wood cutting my arm. I looked down at my blood. I tried covering it with my hand to stop the bleeding. Easton's not going to want to go to the dance with me all cut up. I remember running away from little Jacob Marshall, his sister, and his friends. They'd chase me all around town until July. They carried fireworks claiming they'd hurt me.
I pushed the memory aside and jumped out of the church. Blood leaked down my arm and onto my elbow.
My mom was sitting at the kitchen table when I walked in the house. "Honey, what happen to your arm?!" My mom ran to me. "Oh the locker in the girls changing room scratched me." I looked down at the no longer bleeding cut. My mom ran upstairs and came back down with a band-aid. "We have nothing else to put on it." She bent down putting the small band-aid over the cut. "I'm fine, thanks mom." I ran up the stairs to my room.
The dance was tonight. I got ready for school and wrapped my cut. I put a sweater on so no one would ask what happen. My eyes lined with makeup, and I slipped my shoes on after putting my black jeans on. My brother held the door open for me. We got into his car.
"Hey Addison Lynn." I heard the familiar voice call from behind me. "What do you want Dawson?." I unzipped my book bag. "I was just checking on you." He looked down at my bag. "Like yesterday." I smirked remembering him dropping his books everywhere. I looked up at his tattooed arm. "I have to get to class." Grabbing my books I walked off. "Seniors don't have first period today!" He grabbed my arm making me jerk toward him, and pain shoot up my left arm. "Sorry." He widened his gaze. "Don't touch me Dawson." I yanked my arm from him. Guilt overcame me. I wouldn't like if another girl touched Easton like that. "I said sorry." He swallowed. My cheeks burnt. "I have to go." I grabbed my backpack and walked to my first class. My pants had a small rip in the knee that I constantly played with during class. My arm shot needles up and down it. After lunch I went to the bathroom. After unwrapping the bandage from my arm I cleaned the cut with water. I prayed that magically by tonight it'd be healed and Easton wouldn't have to see it. It was ugly and made my arm look paler than it was. I went into the church after school avoiding everyone.
After walking home I threw my dress on. Tonight was the night. I felt determined to tell Easton I've been obsessing over him. I erased the thought from my head and reapplied makeup.
Easton knocked at the front door, I threw my hair up into a bun and ran downstairs.
"Well hello there, beautiful." He looked me up and down.  My mother sat at the kitchen table reading a magazine. "You're gorgeous honey." She smiled at me. "You ready?" He asked handing me a rose. "Yes." Was I really ready? He stuck his arm out letting me grab onto it. "Goodnight Ms. Erickson I'll have her back before midnight." He closed the door and waited for me to lock it. We sat in his car the smell of leather filled my senses. The school was only a block or two away. He got out and ran to my side opening the car door to let me out. "Ma'am." Bowing he lifted a arm toward the school. "Thank you kind sir." I got out and walked to the direction he was pointing. Girls in big puffy dresses, and tiny revealing dresses stood outside. Guys with nice suits, and flashy ones waited with their dates. Easton locked the car and walked with me. The gym was filled with music and couples everywhere. I felt insecure about them holding hands and being touchy. Me and Easton weren't like that. Just as I said that Easton grabbed my freezing hand and held it in his. "You look more beautiful than everyone in here." He pulled me closer. My smiled widened. I grabbed onto Easton's shoulders. He was a great dancer. I couldn't dance for anything. I either stepped on his shoes or bumped into his chest. "So, tell me princess, what happen to your arm?" He looked down at my injury. "I fell and scrapped it." I lied. "Is it ok?" He looked concerned. "Yes." He picked my arm up and kissed the bandaid. "Be more careful!" He grabbed my shoulders. I felt where he kissed.
Easton and I danced and laughed. I almost hadn't noticed Dawson walk past a few times staring at me, but Easton brought it up every time. Dawson came alone and wore his regular shirt and dirty jeans. My brother told me earlier that night he had plans with some girl so he wouldn't be coming. My thoughts were interrupted by Easton walking me closer to the wall. We both sat down in a corner of the gym. "Addison, I really think.... I think you're so amazing." He paused and grabbed my face. I looked up into his shining eyes. "I... I think i-it's time we be something m-more than friends." He whispered letting his eyes drop to my lips than shut. I pulled him in and grabbed his jaw. He kissed me long. I felt his warm lips not being sloppy at all, his kiss was tight. I felt like I was locked between his lips as a prisoner. He let go slowly and opened his eyes after I opened mine. "I think... That'd be a good idea." I closed my eyes again going in for another kiss.
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The dance ended with me and Easton's hands locked tightly together. "Let's go get something to eat." He said looking at the time on his phone. It was almost ten and I ordered a double cheese burger and extra fries. He wrapped his arm around me and occasionally stole a fry. I didn't mind I liked that he ate off my plate.
I took my phone out to change his contact name. "What are you going to change it to?" He asked chewing on a fry. "My Prince." I looked up at him.