Sorry about this cause you guys probably don't care but I really need to say this.
For a long time now I've been fucked up and I don't know what's wrong and what to do to make this better. I've been doing stupid stuff with guys to try and feel better but it's not working and it's never gonna work, I know that but I'm tried of feeling like this, I want it to stop. I started to smoke and it helps for like 5 seconds but then goes away, I've tried drinking but then I feel like my dad and I don't want to end up like my dad so I stopped that.
So when I was writing this I was in my second last class, I was laughing (my pretend laugh) and smiling my pretend smile but then I just stopped. Put my headphones in and put music on and started to feel worse and worse about me. Like so any people say I'm great and saying all this nice stuff but the thing is I don't see or feel it. What is wrong with me? I had food but I gave it away cause I feel to fat and look to fat. I was called a slut for no reason. I need help but nothing helps me. I've tried everything, I turned back to cutting and hurting myself. I'm not eating a lot in giving up so much of my food cause I need to look pretty, be better and just need to be happy, but what if that doesn't make me happy? What do I do if that doesn't help? I need someone to save me before I actually kill myself like so any people want me to.
