One Year

Two Words

"Cup of coffee?" I hear Nicks gentle voice echo throughout his familiar flat.

"Yeah go on then," I reply back as I sit down on the sofa that I have so many memories on.

"Can I have it..." I begin before I'm cut off.

"Yeah, I know, black with one sugar, right?" He finishes my sentence for me.

At that, I can't stop a huge smile from forming on my face as I nod towards him.

As he comes over to the sofa, he places my coffee down on the small coffee table, the same one we bought together.

I hate how far he's sitting from me. It's like we're complete strangers but I guess we are.

"I don't think I really thought this through," I chuckle gently whilst looking down at the slightly fidgety Holly in my arms.

"Here, let me hold her,"

After a moment to think, I slowly pass her over to him where she settles down in his arms.

She looks so relaxed, so peaceful, so at home.

I reach across to the wooden table and pick up my coffee and slowly take a sip.

I look over to where Nick still sits with a now peaceful Holly who is looking up at him. I can see her looking up at him with the green eyes she got from me. She looks fascinated by him, but comfortable.

"So, how have you been?" I try to make polite conversation with him, desperately trying to put off the topic I knew would come up.

"I've been good, how about you?"

"Yeah I've been fine,"

"You know what fine really means?"

I smile to myself when I realise that he remembers. Though I still can't get something else off my brain.

"Feeling insecure numb and..." He starts to recall one of our fondest memories from when we were just friends, before everything got complicated.

"Yeah I do know!" I suddenly snap. I see from his facial expression, he's stunned. I couldn't help it.

Thinking about those old memories forces me to think about everything, everything I ruined. Everything I lost. Everything that Leanne now has.

Leanne.

I'm desperate to ask him but who knows the response I could get.

"I'm sorry for snapping," I quickly try to apologise for creating the awkward atmosphere that has lasted ever since.

"Don't worry about it,"

We both exchange an awkward glance which I quickly break, leaving nothing but another awkward silence.

How did we get here? Sitting on opposite ends of a sofa we would spend many nights together in an awkward silence, barely maintaining eye contact.

I can't handle it anymore. I need to say something, anything.

"How's Leanne then?" I try to casually mention her name in an attempt to uncover the truth.

"Yeah, she's okay," he answers back, leaving me even more intrigued then before.

"How's long has that been going on then?" I attempt a small smile to try to show him I'm not bothered by what they get up to. I don't know why I'm even trying. He knows me too well.

He knows I'm not okay with him instantly going back to his ex. He knows I can't handle it. And, he knows why.

"I've been comforting her recently, if that's what you mean?"

"Oh please," I scoff. "I saw you both! Leaving your flat, holding hands, loves young dream, right?" I suddenly start to shout as I stand up from the sofa.

I'm not meaning to but I can't help it. I can't bare the thought of him, my Nicky with some other woman, and the worst thing is that it's not even some other woman, it's his ex wife.

"You don't know, do you?"

Confusing instantly takes over me.

What don't I know? What does he mean?

All I can see is the look of dread covering his face.

"You're gonna need to sit down for this," he says in a gentle tone, whilst attempting to lead me back to where I was sitting.

"Look Nick just tell me, what don't I know?" As I look into his familiar emerald eyes, I'm shocked by the look on his face, the look of hurt, dread and sadness.

There's a moment of silence where I can see him, trying to tell me, I can see his mouth moving but he just can't bring the words to come out.

The words, the words I don't yet know but from the look on his face, I just know I'm going to hate.

Thoughts rush through my mind and yet anything I thought was so far from the truth.

Two little words he said and it is like my heart stops beating.

"It's Simon..."