B.R.O.N.X (NOT MINE)

17. Realizations.

The way he said it, so easily, like it was no big deal, made me blush again. I must look like a child to him. Among the embarrassment, another emotion crawled in my stomach. Was it relief because I wasn't the only one who enjoyed the kiss? Was it excitement because he, Gorgeous Boy, wanted to kiss me again?

"But you have a boyfriend and I don't like the whole cheating thing." He suddenly had a cigarette between his lips and was lighting it up. "It's too complicated." He said after letting out a long drag of smoke, forming perfect rings.

I contemplated him in awe as the word "cheating" registered in my brain and an unpleasant feeling took over my body. All the excitement was gone and I was feeling bad. It was as if I had been expecting his lips to be pressed against mine the second we both admitted liking the kiss. I couldn't say anything but he did.

"Are you with him because you can or because you really like him?" He questioned, rolling the window down so the smoke would exit the car. What was that supposed to mean?

"I thought that was your last question." I said in reference to his 'Just let me know something and I promise I won't ask you anything else.'

"You don't have to answer me. Just think about it, answer yourself." He said nonchalantly, finishing his smoke.

Suddenly the atmosphere became too thick for me to breathe and I felt a choking urge to leave. "I have to go. I'll see you around, Justin." I tried to mask any sort of emotion in my voice and quickly exited the car before I could hear him mutter a response. The cold air was welcomed by my heated face and my dry lungs. I ran to the entrance of my building and took the elevator, not caring if someone saw me or if my parents found out I had sneaked out.

When I reached my door, I knocked on it loudly, retaining the tears that were clouding my vision. They were tears of confusion and exasperation. I felt lost and I wanted nothing else than to be alone in my bed and cry myself to sleep. Justin's last question was beginning to make sense, my brain was starting to process its meaning. Was I with Nate because I genuinely wanted to or because I was caught up in this dream of being his girlfriend I've been holding since I was 13? My mind was too cloudy to think straight.

Blake opened the door. "Brooklyn! Where were you? You're lucky mom and dad are out for one of their dinners." He eyed me up and down, seeing I was in my pajamas. "Are you crying?" He asked alarmed when he noticed my face.

"I'm okay." I sniffed and gently push him to the side so that I could enter the house. I went straight to Blake's room and opened the window. When I was in the metallic walkway outside, I looked down to find Justin's car nowhere in sight. Why would he still be there? Exactly, no reason. I entered my bedroom through the window before Blake could catch me and closed it shut, covering it with the curtains. I felt my way to my bed and taking off my hoodie, my shoes and my glasses, I snuggled under the covers and, as I had planned, cried myself to sleep.

 

The rest of the week, I had seen Justin everyday when we picked our respective brothers from soccer practice. I don't know about him but for me, it had been very awkward. The topic of our previous conversation didn't come up again and I was thankful for it. We just talked about random things and I made up excuses to leave quickly. He hadn't told me straight away if he was coming to the party or not. That's why I had my doubts.

"Brooke. Brooke. Brooke!" Kelsey snapped her fingers in front of my face.

"Sorry." I apologized for zoning out.

She eyed me suspiciously, like she was trying to find out what I was thinking about.

"Your jacket." She handed me an off white blazer and kept the same cautious expression you have when someone's acting weird.